It was our usual summer vacations and I had come to stay at
our grandma's home.I one day decided I had to go and watch a
movie.Get away from it all,and do something I enjoy the
most! Which is watching movies in theaters.
I dont anymore cause here the price of tickets is too much
and with almost half of the movie censored,its not worth
paying so much.
So I go to this theater and look at the board saying
Rangeela.I thought to myself I had to watch this,first day
,first show,my first for a movie.I thought it was just gonna
be some drag movie but I went to see Aamir and wondered who,
the one showing off so much of her thigh,is.
Managed to get the ticket after standing in a long long
line,completely dehydrated and I looked like a soggy
transvestite.Anyhu,I get to my seat and the movie opens with
these beautiful ,fair slender legs dancing all over.Her
streaked hair and her outfit,I was floored.I whistled like
the many girls and boys throughout the movie.
But this is not about Urmila Matondkar.This is the effect it
had on me and my self esteem.After this movie,I told God,I
shouldnt have been born a girl.Everyone in mangalore at
least,are 4 times minus my size.I was fat to begin with but
then,to have to compete with skeletal figures ,was just too
much for me.I was this dark chocolate colored girl who had a
boy's haircut and gold framed eye glasses.No one ever called
me pretty and now with Urmila being the new craze,I totally
abandoned any hope of ever getting pretty.
My sister was the pretty one.Ahhh! She's got a good
color,she's got the good skin,she's the cutie pie.How could
I compete with that.Guys ogled at her....Yup ! It was tough
alright.Then on,I continued with my tomboyish streak till I
came to Kuwait.Even when I fell in love for the first time,I
was a bit girly but still not too inspired to do better.
Things became worse when I came to Kuwait.Always criticised,
always being compared to daughters who were doing better
than me,getting better proposals than me,etc.
But then one day I meet this weird guy,who just blurts out
in passing,"Grow your hair,You might like it !"Even though
my mom kept saying,"you have horrible curly hair,it wont
look nice",I went ahead and grew it a bit.It didnt look that
appealing but I was growing my after 16 years.It was bound
to look fugly to everyone around me.
When I got married ,my husband finally coaxed me in the ways
of feminity.Hehehehe......he would say I had nice eyes and
kajol looked very nice on them.He would say you will look
pretty with long hair.I started oiling them and plaiting
them regularly,so they would grow long.He then one day
brings this face cream and tells me,use this and your skin
will improve.Whenever I cried after getting my periods,he
would calm my nerves and hysteria by saying,"If it has to
happen,it will.Im in no hurry,its you I want.Anything more
than that would be additional blessings." (im not lying
people,back then when we were trying and not getting
anywhere,he did say this.)
It has taken a lot of therapy ( my shrink being my husband) to come to accept what I now believe in firmly.I look at young girls who are so obsessed with their looks and I wonder,how empty they must be feeling to do these things,spend so much money,all in the name of looking pretty,a look from the boys,for someone to just say,WOW ! SOme resort to spending money on things and some just go ahead and bury themselves in food.They eat and eat...seek comfort in junk/comfort foods.But things never change.The pretty girls will always be mean,the fat ugly ones will always suffer from low esteem.The only thing one can do,is change one's own perspective.Only you can save yourself truly from scorn and petty thoughts.
After watching all those fat girl movies and talk shows,what
they say is true? True beauty comes from deep within.And its
all about confidence.If you truly believe that you are
hot,you will ooze it.Or whatever you believe from
within,will definitely show on your face.Teach your kids
that they are beautiful when they do good things,they are
beautiful no matter what color or size they are.Tell them
with good hearts,shines a pretty face which is happy with
what they do.Being fat or not the conventional pretty,isnt
the end of the world.A guy seeking qualities based on
outward appearance,is actually not looking for the genuine
thing,but is rather seeking an eye candy for their family
,relatives and world.
In the end,you dont want to be an eye candy on someone's
arm,they are mostly considered dumb,cheap bimbettes.You want
to be the true human being,beautiful in and out.
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