Visiting nightmares
Have you been to this friend's home,and within half an hour of your visit wondered,"Why did I ever come here in the first place !" It happens to me once in a while and those casual visits are the worst moments I hate even thinking about.Usually,I tell my husband,can we just put it off,can we meet with them some other time?
You meet with these people,coz you have to and then after exchanging 'hi's' and 'hellos',and asking how are they and their entire family,you go quiet and wonder what do I say next? What topic can I start discussing before I turn into this smiling zombie saying yes and no ! It is the worst hour one can spend.I always imagine that boring people make the perfect suicide bombers.Drop them among a group of people you hate and then within the hour,you will see people dropping dead,one by one.
For a couple of years ,I would sit through it with this glaze on my eyes.It was like I could see them but my tongue and body was frozen.Nothing sensible would come out and before I realised so,I began yawning beyond control,that one tear would well up and sit in the corner of my eye and I would try hard not to blink,so that it didnt roll down my cheek.
What do say other than,"So,what else is new?" When people ask this question,its a done deal that this visit is becoming a sourpuss.When I have nothing to contribute,I switch to asking,how are the kids faring,or how are your folks back home and when Im done asking how each and everyone from one end to the very last standing grandma...I know this is it..!
Not that Im perfect.I can be boring too.When Im tired or ill,I cannot masquerade.But thats rarely.I cannot be the only person making an effort,ek haath se thali nahi bajthi,right ! So can no one save a one sided conversation.
I dont understand how can people be 'boring'.Over the years I have learnt a few tricks to avoid such sticky situations.I dont like sitting in a place,where the hosts are talking among themselves and all you can do is sit and wonder if they even live together coz its just now,they remember all these things to delight one another or remind each other.When I visit a friend's home,my husband and I go our separate ways.After my polite "how are you?" "Bhalo bhashi",huggin girlfriends and air kissing them thrice, We ladies move on to the kitchen or bedroom or wherever we can find a private space and begin within the daily doordarshan service.Amidst all the crazy children running around you,screaming "aunty aunty",we always can hear each other and continue talking in the noise.
The men can catch up with their yakking and so can we.I even have these signals or signs I tell my husband,that if you find me doing this,and you wanna leave as well,Move it ! After all these years,I know where my husband is comfortable or Im and where we aren't.If I know my hubby is having a good time while Im picking on my imaginary shotgun to shoot myself in the head,I dont bug him.I let him be and have fun.I can always take the bullet coz I know he will do the same for me.I used to be initially but am not now,that chipku wife.I know we have separate likes and dislikes and are respectful of both.Giving each other space is very important which every couple learns, over the years ,eventually.
My girlfriends are quite frank that we tell each other on the face that we are bored and to avoid torturous moments,we immediately set out to the beach or garden or malls or just about anywhere.We are at home day in and out,taking care of our families,cooking twice a day sometimes,cleaning,basically running the house 24/7,that one day of your weekend,is absolutely necessary to vent it out.
On an odd note,Reading the heading visiting nightmare,I watched this horror flick" Shutter" and AT 7am in the morning,I found myself scared to look into the mirror,thinking what if I saw that crazy Japanese chick !
You meet with these people,coz you have to and then after exchanging 'hi's' and 'hellos',and asking how are they and their entire family,you go quiet and wonder what do I say next? What topic can I start discussing before I turn into this smiling zombie saying yes and no ! It is the worst hour one can spend.I always imagine that boring people make the perfect suicide bombers.Drop them among a group of people you hate and then within the hour,you will see people dropping dead,one by one.
For a couple of years ,I would sit through it with this glaze on my eyes.It was like I could see them but my tongue and body was frozen.Nothing sensible would come out and before I realised so,I began yawning beyond control,that one tear would well up and sit in the corner of my eye and I would try hard not to blink,so that it didnt roll down my cheek.
What do say other than,"So,what else is new?" When people ask this question,its a done deal that this visit is becoming a sourpuss.When I have nothing to contribute,I switch to asking,how are the kids faring,or how are your folks back home and when Im done asking how each and everyone from one end to the very last standing grandma...I know this is it..!
Not that Im perfect.I can be boring too.When Im tired or ill,I cannot masquerade.But thats rarely.I cannot be the only person making an effort,ek haath se thali nahi bajthi,right ! So can no one save a one sided conversation.
I dont understand how can people be 'boring'.Over the years I have learnt a few tricks to avoid such sticky situations.I dont like sitting in a place,where the hosts are talking among themselves and all you can do is sit and wonder if they even live together coz its just now,they remember all these things to delight one another or remind each other.When I visit a friend's home,my husband and I go our separate ways.After my polite "how are you?" "Bhalo bhashi",huggin girlfriends and air kissing them thrice, We ladies move on to the kitchen or bedroom or wherever we can find a private space and begin within the daily doordarshan service.Amidst all the crazy children running around you,screaming "aunty aunty",we always can hear each other and continue talking in the noise.
The men can catch up with their yakking and so can we.I even have these signals or signs I tell my husband,that if you find me doing this,and you wanna leave as well,Move it ! After all these years,I know where my husband is comfortable or Im and where we aren't.If I know my hubby is having a good time while Im picking on my imaginary shotgun to shoot myself in the head,I dont bug him.I let him be and have fun.I can always take the bullet coz I know he will do the same for me.I used to be initially but am not now,that chipku wife.I know we have separate likes and dislikes and are respectful of both.Giving each other space is very important which every couple learns, over the years ,eventually.
My girlfriends are quite frank that we tell each other on the face that we are bored and to avoid torturous moments,we immediately set out to the beach or garden or malls or just about anywhere.We are at home day in and out,taking care of our families,cooking twice a day sometimes,cleaning,basically running the house 24/7,that one day of your weekend,is absolutely necessary to vent it out.
On an odd note,Reading the heading visiting nightmare,I watched this horror flick" Shutter" and AT 7am in the morning,I found myself scared to look into the mirror,thinking what if I saw that crazy Japanese chick !
Nice post!
ReplyDeleteI just had an episode last week. Went to drop my mom at her friend's place. Her friend's husband is a real "SUICIDE BOMBER".
I kept taking bullets for nearly 1/2 hour. Oh it was such pain....
Imagine being at inlaws.Nothing you wear can be impresssive enough,nothing you cook,nothing you do...its all questionable and sitting down to listen for hours and hours of stories programmed to loop at 15 minutes.You just want to be swallowed whole by the earth.
ReplyDeleteoh ya this happens way too often. we move a lot with Sathya's friends. there's one friend whose wife is an absolute bore who doesn't talk anything other that what did you cook today morning? what did you cook yesterday? what did you cook last year at this time? unfortunately he is sathya's chaddi dost & almost every week we go out together & there are times i've whispered to sathya to pls skip her!!! hahah what to do? she doesnt let us enjoy/drink/eat nothing & neither does she join in or even just keep shut. she is a nightmare!!
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