COLOURS OF MY THOUGHTS.......

Bored

2012-02-01T18:04:00.000+03:00

For the past 2 weeks and half,I have been going bored out of my mind.Since hubby is on endless duty timings,I tend to grow crazy and have no idea what to do.

Back in India,if I popped out of my flat,I could go downstairs and knew at least a dozen aunties and uncles sitting downstairs and wondering," Aah! Did we have to turn 60 so soon? "My point being you could start a conversation with nay Tom,Dick and Harry.The kids went crazy playing gutter gutter,Aldies were all too glad to have a time out from the daily routines and the great thing,people speaking in our language.Like the movies,out here,when you come across people who speak your language,you feel so happy to able to reconnect even if it means overhearing their conversations.You go,"Arey dekho ,wo India ki hai,wo Pakistan ke hain,arey wo punjabi me bath kar rahe hai,arey tulu me bath kar rahe hai,arey konkani speakers." But out here I'm surrounded by women who never come out of their flats.Most of them are arabs from other parts of the world.There is no playground nearby to walk in.

There are get togethers and what not of the communities out here but Im not aware of any of these.

There Are times when I wonder it would be simply fabulous to be India.I tell my hubby," If we were in India nah,we could go to some nearby area hours away and peek into villages and monuments and what not." He gives me that " Yeah right !" look whenever I say stuff like this.Out here we need to have a means of transport to any nearby place which is a pain in the ass problem coz out here to have to fulfill certain conditions to own a driver's licence.

I was speaking to my brother the other day and when he asked me to come his home on a taxi,I was shocked at my own words.I haven't travelled in a taxi for almost 8 years now and 10 years since I travelled in a bus.I wondered to myself when did I become so dainty or nazook to stop these minute little pleasure rides in my life.I think I have been over protected a bit too much for my sake.Oh ,how I loved to ride in buses.It would take such a long time to reach my destinations and I looked outside the window,thought about things I had no time to think otherwise.

My speakers weren't working for the past week and it was driving me crazy.I usually think myself to depression if one tiny thing isn't functioning well.Like when my washing machine broke down,all I did was change often,fill my laundry basket and worry about it piling away and how I cant wash my clothes immediately.Yes ! I wash almost 4 times a week.My rule being if I can see the clothes surfacing the basket,its time to wash.I know I'm a nutcase.Yesterday night,My hubby kept telling me," When you fret over one tiny thing,its the only thing you distract yourself over for days."I did want to punch his face but the man was telling the truth.

Finally I followed all the troubleshooting crap step by step and managed to fix it.And I have been playing songs the whole day now.When I'm alone,I turn the volume high of the television or the stereo,this way I'm surrounded by sound and I don't feel alone.

Back In India,if I knew the weekend would suck,I would find out which theater was playing a good movie and just go .It didn't matter if I had company or not,I could enjoy it both ways.Restaurants I don't go alone.I need to have some company.I went to "hao hao" and "hao ming" in mangalore very often and I loved the Indochinese food there.Out here good restaurants are very expensive to eat out weekly and plus my hubby makes this face and marrofies this dialogue," Yeh koi hotel hai.Isse acha khana to tum ghar me paka leti ho.Mene nahi khana." Its then I wish I can whack his head and dump him in the trunk of our car and go to the hotel.Its a compliment I know,but I don't mind eating crap outside,I just want a change from the walls of my home.
2 weeks have been like hell to me and I managed to suck a promise out of him to take me out to a nice restaurant when hes done with his emergency duty.That's whats holding a cracking me right now.

We lay in bed and I told him its been ages since I put on some makeup and dressed well and went out.He gives me this look," Tayar ho jao na,kisne mana kiya hai." And Im like," tayaar hoke muje line kaun marega? padosi ko bulaon kya? " and the bickering like a nutcase from me continues.The man works for 11 hours straight and still manages to peel in laughter at my drama,its amazing.I wonder how does he put up with me,he tells me "you are an anokha sample." How did your parents put up with you for 24 years and I tell him 14 years more and you will find your answer yourself.

I'm rambling right ! I'm,I know but I need to do so.I tried looking for HD wallpapers,searched for online skill games to play with,tried reading updated blogs of friends, looked for activity on facebook ( Saala,jis din dekha chaho ,us din koi facebook pe nahi hota.)I had nothing to cook today coz I have to cook for myself only,and I don't want to eat.I have eating cabbage and rice for 3 days now.

I'm wearing this muffler round my neck coz I sprained it yesterday night.My pillow wasn't set right,hubby had the fan on and I was glued to the heater.Its like I'm in Antarctica and he lives on the Sun.He is sweating and I'm shivering all the time.And This muffler,Since I bought it,I always felt it was made from cat fur.Don't know why,its 8 years old and I feel I have a dead cat rolled around my neck.But it keeps me warm even though sometimes I have a fur ball down my throat.Should maybe slide it next to my hubby when he is sleeping.His eyes get all red shot and tears start rolling when there are dogs and cats around.

My legs are so skinny.Yeah ! I stretched them a while ago and there they were.All my life people teased me because of them and called me chicken legs.Earlier I used to laugh at my own legs when people made fun of them but then you cant fight genetics right.My mom's side of the family have only chicken legs to spare.Its so weird nah...maybe if I was as thin as a stick they wouldn't look so bad.But I'm an ice cream cone like my brother calls me.
I told my hubby of this dream I had.Sujatha,I and Padma were in this ancient ancient mahal in Rajasthan and we kept wowing over all the stuff and decor.My hubby was like," Ji Rani ji,Is baar aap kya aur kahan thi?" He doesn't dream at all.( he claims.. but Im sure he dreams of things hes too ashamed to tell me..Ahem...Men will be men after all.)I started with some things and then I'm like,I had very very thick,ass length hair,I was slim and had this fantastic frilly outfit with the right jewellery,the perfect chic bohemian style.( Yeah ! everything that I ain't In reality.)And he started lol-ing away.

My arms and fingers hurt.Before I get carpal tunnel syndrome ( I guess I already do have it) and this blog turns idiotically long,I better stop.

Happy marriages Final part

2012-01-24T00:45:00.000+03:00

Eclipsed by Expectations

What's most noticeable about Sarah and Mark Holdt of Estes Park, Colorado, is their many differences. "He's a Republican, I'm a Democrat. He's a traditional Christian, I'm an agnostic. He likes meat and potatoes, I like more adventurous food," says Sarah. So Mark heads off to church and Bible study every week, while Sarah takes a "Journeys" class that considers topics like the history of God in America. "When he comes home, I'll ask, 'What did you learn in Bible Study?'" she says. And she'll share her insights from her own class with him.

But when Sarah wants to go to a music festival and Mark wants to stay home, "I just go," says Sarah. "I don't need to have him by my side for everything." He's there when it matters most—at home, at the dinner table, in bed. "We both thrive on touch," says Sarah, "so we set our alarm a half hour early every morning and take that time to cuddle." They've been married for 14 years.

It takes a comfortable sense of self and deliberate effort to make relationships commodious enough to tolerate such differences. What's striking about the Holdts is the time they take to share what goes on in their lives—and in their heads—when they are apart. Research shows that such "turning toward" each other and efforts at information exchange, even in routine matters, are crucial to maintaining the emotional connection between partners.

Say one partner likes to travel and the other doesn't. "If you view this with a feeling of resentment, that's going to hurt, over and over again," says Doherty. If you can accept it, that's fine—provided you don't start living in two separate worlds.

The available evidence suggests that women more than men bring some element of fantasy into a relationship. Women generally initiate more breakups and two-thirds of divorces, becoming more disillusioned than men. They compare their mates with their friends much more than men do, says Doherty.

He notes, "They tend to have a model or framework for what the relationship should be. They are more prone to the comparison between what they have and what they think they should have. Men tend to monitor the gap between what they have and what they think they deserve only in the sexual arena. They don't monitor the quality of their marriage on an everyday basis."

To enter a relationship with an idea of what it should look like or how it should evolve is too controlling, she contends. It takes two people to make a relationship. One person doesn't get to decide what it should be. And to the extent that he or she does, the other partner is not going to be happy.

The Signal to Grow

It is a fact that like the other basic pillars of life, such as work and children, marriage is not always going to be a source of satisfaction. No one is loved perfectly; some part of our authentic self is never going to be met by a partner. Sure, you can always draw a curtain over your heart. But that is not the only or the best response.

"Sometimes marriage is going to be a source of pain and sorrow," says Givertz. "And that's necessary for personal and interpersonal growth." In fact, it's impossible to be deliriously happy in marriage every moment if you are doing anything at all challenging in life, whether raising children, starting a business, or taking care of an aging parent.

Disillusionment becomes an engine for growth because it forces us to discover our needs. Knowing oneself, recognizing one's needs, and speaking up for them in a relationship are often acts of bravery, says Page. Most of us are guarded about our needs, because they are typically our areas of greatest sensitivity and vulnerability.

At the same time, taking the risk to expose your inner life to your partner turns out to be the great opportunity for expanding intimacy and a sense of connection. This is the great power of relationships: Creating intimacy is the crucible for growing into a fully autonomous human being while the process of becoming a fully realized person expands the possibility for intimacy and connection. This is also the work that transforms a partner into the right partner.

In other words, the inability or unwillingness to suppress negative emotions in the heat of the moment eliminates the possibility of a transformation of motivation to a broader perspective than one's own. Eventually, the cumulative impact of negative reactivity brings the relationship down.

"There is no such thing as two people meant for each other," says Michelle Givertz. "It's a matter of adjusting and adapting." But you have to know yourself so that you can get your needs for affection, inclusion, and control met in the ways that matter most for you. Even then, successful couples redefine their relationship many times, says Meinecke. Relationships need to continually evolve to fit ever-changing circumstances. They need to incorporate each partner's changes and find ways to meet their new needs.

Boston's Real reports that he attended an anniversary party for friends who had been together 25 years. When someone commented on the longevity of the relationship, the husband replied: "Every morning I wake up, splash cold water on my face, and say out loud, 'Well, you're no prize either.'" While you're busy being disillusioned with your partner, Real suggests, you'll do better with a substantial dose of humility."

A Critical Difference

There's a difference between fighting for what you want in your relationship and being in direct control of your partner, demanding that he or she change, says Real.

Firmly stand up for your wants and needs in a relationship. "Most people don't have the skill to speak up for and fight for what they want in a relationship," he observes. "They don't speak up, which preserves the love but builds resentment. Resentment is a choice; living resentfully means living unhappily. Or they speak up—but are not very loving." Or they just complain.

The art to speaking up, he says, is to transform a complaint into a request. Not "I don't like how you're talking to me," but "Can you please lower your voice so I can hear you better?" If you're trying to get what you want in a relationship, notes Real, it's best to keep it positive and future-focused.

Happy Marriages Part - 3

2012-01-23T22:53:00.000+03:00

The Way Things Are

Romance itself seeds the eventual belief that we have chosen the wrong partner. The early stage of a relationship, most marked by intense attraction and infatuation, is in many ways like a happiness, and we don't blame them for our unhappiness. We take responsibility for the expectations that we carry, for our own negative emotional reactions, for our own insecurities, and for our own dark moods."

But instead of looking at ourselves, or understanding the fantasies that bring us to such a pass, we engage in a thought process that makes our differences tragic and intolerable, says William Doherty. It's one thing to say, "I wish my spouse were more into the arts, like I am." Or, "I wish my partner was not just watching TV every night but interested in getting out more with me." That's something you can fix.

It's quite another to say, "This is intolerable. I need and deserve somebody who shares my core interests." The two thought processes are likely to trigger differing actions. It's possible to ask someone to go out more. It's not going to be well received to ask someone for a personality overhaul.

No one is going to get all their needs met in a relationship. He urges fundamental acceptance of the person we choose and the one who chooses us. "We're all flawed. With parenting, we know that comes with the territory. With spouses, we say 'This is terrible.'"

The culture, however, pushes us in the direction of discontent. "Some disillusionment and feelings of discouragement are normal in the love-based matches in our culture," explains Doherty. "But consumer culture tells us we should not settle for anything that is not ideal for us."

Further, he says, it's too simplistic an interpretation that your partner is the one who's wrong. "We tend to point our finger at the person in front of us. We're fairly crude at processing some information. We tend not to think, 'Maybe I'm not giving her what she needs.' 'Maybe he's disgruntled because I'm not opening up to him.' Or, 'Maybe he's struggling in his relationships with other people.' The more sophisticated question is, 'In what ways are we failing to make one another happy?'"

Now in a long-term relationship, Toronto's Katz has come to believe that "Marriage is not about finding the right person. It's about becoming the right person. Many people feel they married the wrong person, but I've learned that it's truly about growing to become a better mate."

Happy Marriages Part - 2

2012-01-23T22:23:00.000+03:00

Are You with the Right Mate?

Elliott Katz was stunned to find himself in the middle of a divorce after two kids and 10 years of marriage. The Torontonian, a policy analyst for the Ottawa government, blamed his wife. "She just didn't appreciate all I was doing to make her happy." He fed the babies, and he changed their diapers. He gave them their baths, he read them stories, and put them to bed. Before he left for work in the morning, he made them breakfast. He bought a bigger house and took on the financial burden, working evenings to bring in enough money so his wife could stay home full-time.

He thought the solution to the discontent was for her to change. But once on his own, missing the daily interaction with his daughters, he couldn't avoid some reflection. "I didn't want to go through this again. I asked whether there was something I could have done differently. After all, you can wait years for someone else to change."

What he decided was, indeed, there were some things he could have done differently—like not tried as hard to be so non controlling that his wife felt he had abandoned decision-making entirely. His wife, he came to understand, felt frustrated, as if she were "a married single parent," making too many of the plans and putting out many of the fires of family life, no matter how many chores he assumed.

Ultimately, he stopped blaming his wife for their problems. "You can't change another person. You can only change yourself," he says. "Like lots of men today," he has since found, "I was very confused about my role as partner." After a few post-divorce years in the mating wilderness, Katz came to realize that framing a relationship in terms of the right or wrong mate is by itself a blind alley.

"We're given a binary model," says New York psychotherapist Ken Page. "Right or wrong. Settle or leave. We are not given the right tools to think about relationships. People need a better set of options."

Sooner or later, there comes a moment in all relationships when you lie in bed, roll over, look at the person next to you and think it's all a dreadful mistake.It happens a few months to a few years in. "It's an open secret of American culture that disillusionment exists. I go around the country speaking about 'normal marital hatred.' Not one person has ever asked what I mean by that. It's extremely raw."

What to do when the initial attraction sours? "I call it the first day of your real marriage," Real says. It's not a sign that you've chosen the wrong partner. It is the signal to grow as an individual—to take responsibility for your own frustrations. Invariably, we yearn for perfection but are stuck with an imperfect human being. We all fall in love with people we think will deliver us from life's wounds but who wind up knowing how to rub against us.

We alone are responsible for having the relationship we want. And to get it, we have to dig deep into ourselves while maintaining our connections.

Happy Marriage - Part 1

2012-01-23T22:06:00.000+03:00

This blog post is going to be divided into many parts because I don't want it to seem very long and thus make it seem to boring to read.
Now most of my readers and friends are married,are 30+ and with children.I have known my husband for almost 11 years now and like everyone knows,marriage after a couple of years is something one has to work on to keep it cheerful,filled with bliss,spicy,so as to avoid the rut one falls into after monotonous way of living.

I found this very interesting article which I think is a good read both for learning and understanding ourselves and our partners and our marriages.
My husband and I come from totally different backgrounds and have lived contrast lives in our past.It has been difficult but we were happy to adjust,compromise.Our likes and dislikes may differ invariably but this is has strengthened our relationship over the years.(AlHamdullilah)We have learnt to accept our differences and yet be respectful of each others decisions.Learnt giving each other the space is the greatest gift we can give each other,so that we can maintain our identity but not appear that indifferent.
Please do pass on this article,Its helpful and has some good pointers .
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In our Age of Entitlement, one of the biggest strains on marriage is the presumptive right to have your partner make you happy. This unfortunate presumption persists even though evidence shows that happy people make happy marriages. In other words, if you were happy before you met your partner, you will likely be happy after marriage; but if you were an unhappy single, marriage alone won't make you happy.

Rather than using their negative emotions as motivations to heal, improve, and repair, unhappy people tend to blame them, first on themselves and later on their partners. Eventually this leads to blaming the spouse for moral/emotional failing and is incapable of love and sympathy.

Blaming gives unhappy spouses a sense of superiority and self-righteousness, which certainly feels more powerful than the self-doubt inherent in complex relationships. But this fleeting sense of power comes at a high price. In reducing self-doubt, it eliminates the motivation to heal, improve, and repair, leaving in its place a chronic and impotent resentment. It keeps their consciousness locked on how unhappy, even "damaged" they are at the hands of their partners.

Heart Attack

2012-01-21T17:47:00.000+03:00

I had been wanting to write on this topic for quite some time but now with constant bombardment of doctor shows and health shows regarding this topic,I think it has to be finally written.

Many of us think that heart attack is limited to people who have crossed 50 but with the kind of lifestyle we live,thanks to the damn modernisation in every aspect of our life, what we call luxury ,is the eternal damnation of of our so called lazy lives.

Women are prone to heart attacks now compared to men and this is one thing that's always in news out here.Woman,age 32,died of a massive heart heart attack.Has left behind 3 kids less than 10 yrs of age.Man died of heart attack,43 yrs old.Body to be sent home in 3 days.its actually become a very common thing nowadays.

I was saved by the bell last year and coming to think of it,I actually thought I was invincible before all this coz I wasn't even 34 yet.As it will be explained later on in the blog, Please don't be a hypochondriac but consider this a health education to self and spread the word.You may help save some one's life.

When we think of a heart attack,we think,like in the movies,we will clutch on to our chest tightly,sweat and fall off.Well,it is a little bit like that but one most know heart attack in women in many ways compared to men.The reason being we have a low threshold for pain unlike men and we are in tune with our bodies a lot more.At least some women are.

Now some people have not many of the symptoms and will collapse and die ,which is like a major heart attack.And many of us have the symptoms but will still ignore it, confusing it with something else.

The most common symptoms are :-

Chest pain : You will feel this tightness,this ache in the center of your chest or a pressure as if someone is standing on your chest.It may either last for a few minutes or the pains will come and go.
Many women don't even feel chest pain but if you are,visit a doctor,check your blood pressure immediately.Mine was 221/190.A panic attack can also give the illusion of a heart attack but in that your pulse goes haywire but the blood pressure doesn't.In my case,it has been true quite many times.

Pain in the jaw,neck or back.My jaw would hurt when I had chest pains.It was like a climbing pain from the jaw,sometimes my head would ache as well.

Shortness of breath : When you run fast,there will be a point when you need to gather your breath, so you stop and calm yourself down.When you have this,you will feel out of breath and will try to take long deep breaths.
Shortness of breath seems to be a particularly important symptom for men and women, though it is often not thought of as a serious medical concern. This symptom seemed to be a particularly good indicator of heart troubles for people who were not previously aware that they had heart disease.

Some feel nauseous and may experience vomitting.I didn't feel so.

Indigestion : This I had.I thought I had gas but I couldn't pass any.I had hajmolas and Eno and lime tea and what not,but the feeling wouldn't just go.

Weakness,fatigue and dizziness: you could have all 3 or either or none.I would feel so tired that I just wanted to sleep.I couldn't help myself and would fall asleep.

Dizziness and lightheadedness.No, I Didn't feel these symptoms either.

In one study, women were more than twice as likely as men to experience nausea, vomiting, or indigestion as heart attack symptoms.

What are pre-heart attack symptoms?

Pre-heart attack or prodromal symptoms are symptoms that occur before a heart attack, generally from about 4 to 6 months to 1 week before (though some people report these symptoms up to 2 years before their heart attack).

Common pre-heart attack symptoms include :

Unusual fatigue

Sleep disturbance

Shortness of breath

Chest pain

Indigestion

A state of fear, worry or uneasiness, sometimes about future events. When a specific fear triggers the anxiety, the condition is called phobic anxiety.(A state of fear, worry or uneasiness, sometimes about future events. When a specific fear triggers the anxiety, the condition is called phobic anxiety.)

Pain in shoulder blade or upper back .(I had this,in my shoulder and back as well.)

It is important to be aware of pre-heart attack symptoms because if you recognize them, you can seek medical help immediately and potentially avoid a heart attack. Another reason to be aware of these prodromal symptoms is that often these same symptoms will be felt just before and during your heart attack.

Do women and men experience pain differently?

Some studies have shown that men and women perceive pain differently and this may help explain why men and women report different heart attack symptoms. Women have a lower threshold for pain, including pressure-type pain, than men. Several studies have found that when women experience chest pain, they rate it as more severe than men.Women may appear more likely to experience so-called atypical symptoms because they report a wider variety of symptoms and because they experience these symptoms more intensely than men.

Why is recognizing symptoms important?

Many heart attack patients, especially women, wait 2 hours or more after their symptoms begin before they seek medical help. This delay can result in death or long-lasting heart damage, and it is one of the reasons why women tend to experience worse outcomes after a heart attack than men.
5 Top reasons for heart Attacks :-

#1 High cholesterol
High cholesterol can be extremely dangerous, and particularly it can cause hardening of the arteries(atherosclerosis), which sequentially can lead to blocked coronary arteries, marked by chest pain, or a heart attack. Other severe problems such as blocked arteries to the brain, for example, can result in a stroke, while blocked arteries in the legs can create pain, limping and even disability.
Cholesterol is a fatty and wax-like material that is naturally present in the human body, and your body makes use of this cholesterol to create many different hormones, such as Vitamin D and the bile acids that assist to digest fat. Even though a certain amount of cholesterol is usual, if you have too much in your bloodstream then the surplus may be dumped in the arteries of the heart, which in turn can lead to heart disease.

#2 Diabetes
Some people believe that they need to have been born with diabetes for it to be a factor; but in fact, a person can get type two diabetes. Type two diabetes usually comes about when a person is very much overweight, particularly because of their diet. Too many people have a fondness for junk food, and junk food has a hefty amount of sugar in it. Eating too much sugar not only makes considerable weight increase, it also increases the level of sugar in the blood, which results in type two diabetes.
For people that have type two diabetes owing to years of eating junk food, heart disease is the next thing that typically happens. The fat from this food is absorbed into the blood flow, and over time the fatty substances build up in the arteries. Some people end up with arteries that are so blocked that they need bypass surgery.

#3 Hypertension or high blood pressure
Hypertensive heart disease is on the whole a more serious and dangerous form of heart disease and it is normally caused by uncontrolled and extended elevation of blood pressure, as this can lead to various changes in the myocardial structure, coronary vasculature, and conduction system of the heart.

Heart failure is a common complication of hypertensive heart disease, and it is often unrecognized.
#4 Smoking
The carcinogens found in cigarettes are part of the relationship between smoking and heart disease. These substances that are in the cigarette are absorbed into the blood stream. As a result, the blood becomes contaminated. As this blood is pumped through the heart, the nicotine from the cigarettes also develops in the blood stream. As an outcome, the blood becomes thick, which can create clotting. Also, the nicotine will develop in the valves leading to the heart, which increases the risk of heart attack.

#5 Stress
There are two types of stress: physical stress and emotional stress. The physical stress places quantifiable and reproducible demands on the heart, and it is this physical stress which is usually accredited as being good and in fact, the lack of physical stress is what considered as being a major risk factor for heart disease.
Then there is the relationship between emotional stress and heart disease.
The main factor that stress is so likely to cause heart disease is because the rush in adrenaline that is caused by severe emotional stress results in causing the blood to thicken more readily, thus significantly increasing the risk of heart attacks and other coronary problems.

Now, Let me tell you about me.I had chest pains,jaw pain,shortness of breath,shoulder pain,indigestion and fatigue for 3 days,after which I decided to meet with the doctor.I was at my aunt's place when she just checked my blood pressure coz she was worried.When the reading showed 200/160 ( normal is 120/80) ,she asked my hubby to take me to the hospital.

Anyways,I casually went to the clinic where my blood pressure read 150/100 but she made a paper out asking to check myself out in the emergency before going home at the main hospital.2 hours of waiitng at the hospital in the normal waiting area,my turn came and when they checked me I was 220/180.I was rushed into the emergency room ad stripped and wired all over.They gave me medications,oxygen,tried to diaper me up(but I resisted strongly).
5 hours later,I wasnt showing any signs of normal vital signs and I was admitted.Every possible blood test,every vital organ checked and 7 days later,my doctor concluded It was all because of stress.Staying away from my hubby at nights ( coz men are not allowed in general wards and private rooms were fully booked) was adding to my on-going stress.I had 3 more of this attacks,very very minor ones during my stay.I stopped eating,dropped 7 kgs.At last,my doctor advised my hubby that I should be taken home.Maybe having him around would calm me down.When I was discharged my blood pressure was 170/150.And it did.It took me 4 months to acheive normalcy during which,I stopped taking salt,stopped meat and fruits.I wasnt allowed to walk for more than 15 minutes,not do anything strenous whatsoever.

So please pass this along and lets hope it benefits at least one soul someday.

Sadness

2012-01-18T20:04:00.000+03:00

Today,I was very very sad.I don't know if its the medication withdrawal that's getting me depressed or if I'm just upset with life.I cried my eyes out for a good half an hour.I tried not to but I just couldn't get a hold over my emotions.I felt vulnerable,like a bruise that has been cut open again.I felt I would burst open,my heart would just tear wide,I felt this huge anchor of depression on my soul,that I just cried.I spoke to God,complained about all the people I'm bugged with,All the situations I'm tired of,All the emptiness I feel and why I was finding it very hard to be grateful for anything !

“I'm lonely. And I'm lonely in some horribly deep way and for a flash of an instant, I can see just how lonely, and how deep this feeling runs. And it scares the shit out of me to be this lonely because it seems catastrophic.”

― Augusten Burroughs, Dry

What do you do when you are so upset and are not able to hold it all within the palms of your hand? I couldn't wait for my husband and even he was there,I don't think he would would understand why I was feeling this way ! On the contrare,he would get angry if I had no particular reason to be leaking tears this way.That's the last thing he wanted to see,was his wife crying for no apparent solid reason,after a long tiring day at work.

I envy men coz they bottle up everything and don't cry like us for everything.They might not even share their feelings and I wonder how do they do it ! While I cry till I get an asthma attack within minutes.

I'm the kind of person,who doesn't show her weak side.I have been through hell at times but I cry when I'm totally alone.I talk to myself,i write my diary,I curse while I'm working and after crying I feel this calmness come over me.I feel renewed,fresh and am able to do things again.I don't share my pain with anyone coz to be frank,no one wants to hear a sob story.Everyone has a lot on their plates already with their own miseries,that listening to some one's sadness,is a pain I cannot inflict on someone else.

“There is no point treating a depressed person as though she were just feeling sad, saying, 'There now, hang on, you'll get over it.' Sadness is more or less like a head cold- with patience, it passes. Depression is like cancer.”

― Barbara Kingsolver, The Bean Trees

I want to break some plates,glasses,Alas ! my crockery and dinner sets aren't that cheap.Yeah ! I'm amusing myself,so that I forget I cried My heart out a while ago,rolling on the floor.

“Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak knits up the o-er wrought heart and bids it break.”

― William Shakespeare, Macbeth

Being a strong person is difficult.Being uptight about showing your soft side,is a pain in the ass kind of deal as well.I'm the oldest of the 3,and I have been taught to take crap into my stride and not be a wuss.If the younger siblings did something,it was my fault.If they messed,what was I blind that I couldn't understand and put a handle on it all? Why cant I carry their bags coz they will get all tired? Why cant I look after them when my folks are busy? How can I go off to a college in a different place when I have younger ones to care for who cannot yet fend for themselves? So you see,I had to be strong ,strong enough to take crap.

That doesn't mean I wasn't a diva at times,I was,I had to be....But that's a total different story ! Where was I with my sadness...Yeah ! I'm smiling a bit.I have been alone for a couple of days and I guess it got the better of me.I have another 2 months to be alone but gotta do something about it.At times like these,I want to be that that carefree 13 yr old,who played all day long and whose only worry was breakfast and dinner.I wish I could own a puppy but hubby is allergic to animals, literally.He swells up,get red shot eyes and a nose leak.

If I was India,I would got a cow....hate cats and birds...adore dogs.Aah ! Wish I had a child.

Our Supporters

2012-01-16T22:14:00.000+03:00

I always wondered with all the kind of lingerie we have on market today,did women a 100 years ago even bother about it? Which led me to check some sites out regarding brassiere.My mom always called it brassiere,and I would wonder how odd the word sounded !

To my surprise,brassieres were in vogue in the 14th century.In the Ming dynasty era,in China,bra like garments were worn by the upper class women,which was a foundation cloth complete with cups and straps drawn over shoulders and tied to the girth seam at the lower back .

Towards the late 19th century,girdles were invented for woman which tightened the lower Torso,which I'm guessing was to give a thin waist look and that suspended the breasts from the shoulder for the upper torso.These girdles and corsets were even made of metal and had elaborate screws and tightening and while the traditional corset needed the services of another to tighten them,the metal ones were introduced ,so that the woman could tighten and wear the corset all by herself.

By the early 20th century, garments more closely resembling contemporary bras emerged, although large-scale commercial production did not occur until the 1930s. With metal shortages, World War II encouraged the end of the corset. By the time the war ended, most fashion-conscious women in Europe and North America were wearing brassieres. From there the brassiere was adopted by consumers in Asia, Africa, and Latin America.

The term “cup” was not used to describe bras until 1916, and manufacturers relied on stretchable cups to accommodate different sized breasts. Women with larger breasts had the choice of long-line bras, built-up backs, wedge-shaped inserts between the cups, wider straps, firm bands under the cup, and even light boning.Whalebone was used like the wires we use today.

In October 1932, the S.H. Camp and Company correlated the size of a woman's breasts to letters of the alphabet, A through D. In 1937, Warner began to feature cup sizing in its products. Adjustable bands were introduced using multiple eye and hook positions in the 1930s.

In ancient Egypt, women were generally bare breasted. The most common items of female attire a tunic ,a rectangular piece of cloth that was folded sown along the edge to make a tube. The tunic might cover one or both shoulders or be worn with shoulder straps. The shorter tunics was mostly worn by common women or slaves, to be more comfortable when working.I'm going to presume that this is where petty coats originated.I wore them as kids maybe till the age of 15.

Although majority of women in ancient Indian sculptures are devoid of a blouse, there are several instances of ancient Indian women wearing brassieres. The first historical reference to brassieres in India is found during 1st century AD. Sewn brassieres and blouses were very much in vogue during the Vijayanagara empire and the cities brimmed with tailors who specialized in tight fitting of these garments.

Wall paintings in Crete,show women wearing something that looks like a bikini while performing in athletics. Similar depictions have been found in ruins from 4th Century Sicily.

Minoan women on the island of Crete 3,000 years ago apparently wore garments that partially supported and also revealed their bare breasts.Their clothing look somewhat like modern fitted and laced corsets . The support device was worn outside other clothing and supported and exposed the breasts, pushing them upwards and making them more visible. Roman women sometimes wore a band of cloth or leather to support the breasts.

This was in fashion a few years ago.I remember a few bollywood actresses and Hollywood starlets adorning this corset over the tops to show off their curvy waists.

Roman men and women wore a loose flowing tunic, sometimes with a girdle, and an outer cloak. Younger women wore a band of cloth, over the breast to restrict their growth, or a leather tube to conceal larger breasts.

Generally, in the Middle Ages the breasts were minimized in dresses with straight bodices, full skirts and high necklines, designed primarily for function rather than emphasis on form. The 15th century ideal form was small breasted and full figured, symbolizing abundance of fertility. By the time of the Renaissance, decolletage became very fashionable.Decolletage is a type of bra wherein the women literally showed a little spillage. Firmness was an attribute and so women did not breast feed. Infants were given to wet nurses to breast feed, since nursing was bad if a woman wanted to maintain an ideal form. Among the wealthier classes, the corset was beginning to appear by the mid-15th century. Catherine de' Medici (1519–1589) is widely, and wrongly, blamed for the corset. She was reported to have prohibited wide waists at court in the 1550s, legend suggesting she made them wear steel framework corsets.

Early corsets of the 16th century consisted of stiffened linen at the front, but later included iron supports at the side and back. The emphasis now was on form, with compression of the breasts forcing them upwards to the point of almost spilling out, so a considerable part of the breast was exposed. The ideal form was a flat torso, which inevitably pushed the breasts upwards and out.

In 1910, Mary Phelps Jacob ,a 19-year-old New York socialite, Dissatisfied with this brassieres, she worked with her maid to fashion two silk handkerchiefs together with some pink ribbon and cord. Her innovation drew immediate attention and at the request of family and friends, she made more of her new device.

On 3 November 1914, the U.S. Patent Office issued the first U.S. Paton,for the 'Backless Brassiere'. Her patent was for a device that was lightweight, soft, comfortable to wear, and naturally separated the breasts, unlike the corset, which was heavy, stiff, uncomfortable, and had the effect of creating a single "mono bosom".

The word 'brassiere' was gradually shortened to 'bra' in the 1930s. According to a 1934 survey by Harper's Bazaar, bra was the most commonly used expression among college women.Adjustable bands were introduced using multiple eye and hook positions in the 1930s.Bras rapidly became a major industry over the 1930s, with improvements in fiber technology, fabrics, colours, patterns, and options, and did much better than the retail industry in general. Innovations included Warners' use of elastic, the adjustable strap, the sized cup, and padded bras for smaller-breasted women.

The Second World War had a major impact on clothing. Military women of lower rank were fitted with uniform underwear. Advertising appealed to both patriotism and the concept that bras and girdles were somehow 'protection'. Dress codes appeared where their workers were told that bras must be worn because of 'good taste, anatomical support, and morale'.Conically pointed Torpedo or Bullet (or even Cone) bra started to appear in the 1940-50s, designed for 'maximum projection'.

The 60s and 70s reflected increasing interest in quality and fashion. Maternity and mastectomy bras began to find a new respectability, and the increasing use of washing machines created a need for products that were more durable.

Most bras are designed to be form-fitting, to avoid sagging, and restrain their movement. Bra designers and manufacturers originally produced bras that were purely functional and gradually added elements to improve the design, but they have now largely shifted from functionality to fashion. Manufacturers' standards and sizes vary widely, making it difficult for women to find a bra that fits.

Oprah dedicated this one episode on bras and I remember it was one of the most informative shows that I truly loved and made me seek better bras for myself.I didn't know there were cups sizes from A through H.Most of the women wear ill fitting ones and really don't think much into it.I think the major problem is for busty women,who have to be very careful about the inner wear due to many obvious reasons.Bra is an important part of our attire and like the new generation who think its hip to not wear one or show it off.I think it brings grace to female form and decency to an attire.

People in your life.

2012-01-14T21:44:00.000+03:00

Most of us who live abroad,have no relatives or family living around us.We are all alone ,the ultimate nuclear family.Its just us and the friends we make over the years.In my life,I haven't lived in joint family.Only when I visited India once in 4 or 5 years,I would spend almost a month with nanima or dadima's home and as usual ,we lived liked guests.The entire month went attending dinners and luncheons and brunches with every known relative.Either we were treating or were being treated to.But as kids,it was the change in atmosphere and environment that held our fascination,not the relatives itself.

Out here,before the first gulf war,my parents would have a lunch parties every Friday.Elaborate meals were cooked,"Rummy" was played,new movies were watched and every gossip was discussed.It would range from movies,to people getting engaged or expecting children and other weekend parties.Even though the cost of living and stuff wasn't expensive,money was one issue nobody considered when entertaining friends.My dad's dialogue," Money comes and goes,money is meant to be spent.Of course,save but don't be a miser when it comes to friends.They are our family out here." The ideology behind it being,one cannot be happy all by our self.No matter what and how much we earn,we need friends or family to be a part our life.They ground us and keep the bonds alive.

Come Gulf war,when we realised who are true friends were,it was one very important lesson to remember.Not everyone will be there for you in times of need and some of the very few wont stop chanting about how they helped you out.I realised,people will take advantage of you whenever opportunity presents and very few people wont.But when people are being offered help,there will be people who instead of getting out of the rut ,will continue to survive on your help as long as they can.That's sad people.Don't do that.

People now, are more concerned about the money and expenses.I know of people who don't have people over coz they fret over the expenses before inviting someone.Its a sad sad world,but I think in the end,its also in the upbringing.What you have learnt over the years on your own and from your family.To be frank,in this economy,money is a concern for me as well.But it can never match up to the happiness I feel when people visit me,laugh and talk and love to be at my home.I feel blessed.Boredom is under check.That's what my husband has taught me over the years.He says,if someone doesn't want to invite us,doesn't matter matter sweety.When people come to our home,it means they love our food,love our company and love us enough to visit us.Its respect and love.Its all about having joy,a kind of stimuli to our otherwise mundane life.

Attithi Devo bhava....many religions and cultures uphold this belief,that people visiting you are in fact God's blessings.Try it ! Have people over.It could be as simple as a tea party.Make fabulous tea,bring a delicious mouthwatering cake or bake one.Make snacks at home if you can or buy some.Doesn't have to be something very elaborate.Its the idea behind it all,having fun with the people in your life.

Strange to see how a good dinner and feasting reconciles everybody.

(Samuel Pepys, 1633-1703, in his Diary)

The hostess must be like the duck calm and unruffled on the surface, and paddling like hell underneath. (Anonymous)

I have been taken for granted at times,some at the hands of my own.But I always tell myself,one day,it will dawn on them how they used someone and they will hate themselves for it.Anyways,things like these are reflective of the kind of person one is.After all,one can try and hide things from others but not from yourself.

I have had people who just love the fact for the initiative taken to gather all friends and have had people who bicker from the taste to the ingredients,to the way it was cooked and ruin the whole affair.It has made me cynical to some extent and I've learnt how to keep such people in check.But family is something you cant avoid.

Anyways,now that I have been married for 10 years( Yikes! every time I say 10,I feel old and check my age),looking at some of my friends and relatives and family,I have learnt a few life lessons.

1) When you do something for someone,don't wait for a "thank you" or a return of favour.Just do it.

2) Whats goes around,comes around.Be it 10 fold of good or 10 fold of hell.

3) Keep in touch with your family,no matter what.They may not want you in their life 24/7,but be the better person,call and ask about them.

5) Don't let someone treat you like crap.Don't go and kill them either.But seat the other person down,and tell it all frankly and politely.Trust me,it works.No point in back stabbing and gossiping and rotting your mind to hell over it.Speak it out and walk away.Even if they will hate your guts,they will appreciate your frankness ,of course in time that is.

6) Be forgiving.People can do mean things to you at work or home .Don't keep an eternal grudge.Its not good for your heart.When forgiveness is sought,be a darling and forgive.It depends on the deed as well.But forgive in your heart even if you ain't interested in keeping friends with the other.

7) Organise a get together with friends and family,when you have the chance.More than anything,it brings happiness to your heart and mind.Of course,you wont save as much as you usually do but imagine the fun you're gonna have.Its after all,not an everyday thing.

8) Entertaining friends is not about showing off.Be gracious,be respectful.I don't like friends who show that having friends over is such a nuisance,so much work.I do admit that entertaining guests is not an easy task.it involves lots of time,work,cleaning and running around after guests.But only a person who does the same at their own home for others can understand the trouble it all entails.I once stopped talking to a friend coz after all the eating,her complaint was (she insulted me indirectly) that she didn't like the party coz I didn't sit by her side and talk to her and give her time.I was upset over it,I slog my ass off and have so much to do and you complain while I'm trying to divide my time between serving,filling and cleaning.A good guest should also know how to behave at a party.

AWARD

2012-01-09T02:42:00.002+03:00

Its always a wonderful surprise and an honour to receive an award,especially when it comes from a someone you don't know.Thank you Leo Paw.Also I would like to apologise that I had received this honour a while back but as the rules mentioned,15 different bloggers had to be nominated and awarded as well,so I had to to postpone it all.

***********************************************
The rules that are passed on to me along with the award:

1. Nominate 15 Fellow Bloggers

2. Inform the Bloggers of their nomination

3. Share 7 random things about yourself

4. Thank the Blogger who nominated you

5. Add the Versatile Blog Award picture to your blog post

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A few of the blogs that I always read have been handed this award already.So I don't have 15 readers.

Im nominating :-

1. Sujatha Satya - Conversations
2. http://ruchikrandhap.blogspot.com/
3. http://slowingthecircles.blogspot.com/
4. http://jyotimi.blogspot.com/ - by Jyothi Mishra
5. http://doubleexpat.blogspot.com/ - by Gayatri
6. http://irfanurs.blogspot.com/ - by Irfanji
7. http://chintangupta.blogspot.com/ - by Chintan
8. http://sarusinghal.blogspot.com/ - by Saru
9. http://sunitakurup.blogspot.com/ - by Sunita

7 Facts About Me:

a. I'm a sucker for chocolates and have to finish everything that has chocolate on it.

b. One of my fantasy was and still is to dress up like a village belle.Ghagra ,choli,gajra on my hair...like a typical bollywood " gao ki chokri".

c. I have never been scared of lightening's and thunder in my life.On the contrary,I'm sitting with a glass of tea with the windows open and taking pictures.

d. I never tire of sitting on the beach,its that one spot that calms my nerve and takes me to the happy place.

e. I'm not a fan of mobile phones and hate having to use it extensively.I usually answer in monosyllables and terminate my conversations.

f. I'm a fan of flea markets.Throw me in one and I can spend hours provided there is a loo nearby.

g. I have to know the location of every clean toilet at the place I travel.And I actually do.

Birthing

2012-01-04T01:40:00.001+03:00

Babies are sent from heaven or are distributed by angels as gifts from God to parents in the hospital.That's what my parents told me when my sister was going to arrive.Most of us are mothers at this point,some to one or more and some still hoping to have one someday.I come in the latter group.But I know that it is one experience every parent hopes to have when they want to bring a living testament of her love into the world.

I have heard my share of birthing stories.Some women say it was like juggling in the arms of death and coming back while some simply put it as the one thing we have to go through to bring our babies.Some love to explain everything in so much detail that you can picture a 3D movie while they narrate it.And some just go,"Well,it was hard work,but no pain ,no gain.I don't regret anything ,I just wanted to see my baby." Its okay to listen to these episodes until it becomes a competition,"I had 3 stitches,but I had 7,I was in pain for a month,but I was in pain for a year,I have a permanent backache,but I cannot function normal again."

Anyways,I'm not going to list these gruelling stories but I just went through this article and thought you would just love it.

Birthing Rituals

Greece, approximately 430 B.C. With the onset of birth, midwives were summoned, and the birthing mother was laid down on a bed. The room was checked to ensure that no knots were present, because ancient Greeks believed knots had maleficent powers and could prevent or delay birth. When labor began the mother was moved to a birthing stool, which she crouched over. The midwives massaged her belly, and one rested below the mother to catch the baby. Once born, the baby and mother were cleansed, as birth blood was considered unlucky. A sign was made on the baby's forehead to protect it from the "evil eye," a superstitious belief that a victim, in this case a vulnerable baby, could be cursed by the malevolent gaze from the eye of an envious individual.

France in the 1700s. Birth for royalty was quite an elaborate affair (a bit like birth for some celebrities in modern times!). After feeling labor pains, the royal lady would call upon her attendants and be laid on a special couch. Some 18th-century remedies that were placed near the mom-to-be included: sneezing powder to aid in birth, almond oil to cleanse the hands of doctor and head midwife, and boxes of powdered cumin and myrrh to dust the infant's umbilical cord. After the birth, the cord was cut and the baby was washed in oil, red roses, and red wine.

China in the late 1800s. For women of the Chinese merchant class, labor pains would come accompanied by the prayers of the mother and mother-in-law for an easy delivery. A Taoist priest would arrive by the bedside and whisper prayers into the birthing mother's ears. With the onset of birth, she would squat on the bed. Once the baby was born, the midwife would cut and bind the umbilical cord, and then try to encourage the placenta to be born. The baby would not be washed for three days, until the influences of evil were less imminent.

Zuni Indians in the 1890s. When labor pains started, the birthing mother would lie on a soft bed made of animal skins and her mother would gather the elder women of the family to aid in the birth. As the pains increased she was encouraged to remain silent; who knew silent birth was not just a ritual of the Church of Scientology! To speed up delivery the laboring woman's mother and birthing doctress would knead her pregnant belly. As the baby made its descent, the women of the family would cry and groan, out of sympathy, for the birthing mother who could not express her pain. As the baby emerged, the doctress would rest below the woman to catch the baby. After the placenta was delivered, the grandmother of the new mother would throw it in the river to be washed downstream. Six days following the birth, the new baby would be introduced to the Zuni gods and be made an official member of the Zuni people.

Polar Eskimos in the 1920s. To prepare for birth, the birthing woman's husband would create a bed in a shallow hole covered by animal skin -- this is where the delivery would occur. When pain began, the woman would rest in the prepared bed and her husband would lean behind her. He would then press down on her abdomen to encourage the baby to be born. Upon birth, the father would cut the umbilical cord with a knife and the new mother would tie a knot to stop the bleeding. The placenta would be wrapped in animal skin and then left outside for animals to feast on. The baby would be named with three names to protect it from evil spirits in the wind and sleep with his or her parents.

Egypt in 19,000 B.C. Belly dancing, often thought of as entertainment for men, is actually a form of ancient dance that reflected the body as a creation of nature and temple of the soul. It was originally a dance performed by women in honor of the giver of life, the Great Mother. The gyrations of the hip were believed to insure the births of future generations, and were used in preparation for birth. The laboring mother would squat low and bear down as she rolled her abs. The contractions of the dancing movements strengthened her abdominal muscles and therefore aided in an easier delivery.

Ancient Malaysia and Indonesia. Women labored sitting up, without medicine for pain relief. Instead, a Dukun, or midwife, would massage the expectant mom. The delivery occurred in the birthing room, traditionally within the house, as it was believed that a baby's first cry was a cry of loyalty and respect for the parents, and should be heard at home. Other mothers stayed in the birthing room with the laboring woman, and offered advice and support (in a similar style of today's labor coaches). Upon birth, the Dukun cuts the cord, bathes and wraps the baby in a blanket. Next, words of Allah were whispered into the baby's ear; for words of faith were supposed to be the first the baby would hear. The baby was then returned to its mother and introduced to the grandparents, which was the first act of honor shown by baby to its family. The placenta was then washed and placed in an earthenware pot with spices and kept near the mother. After 40 days, the family buried the placenta in the ground.
Ancient Hawaii. Among the Kukaniloko Birthing Stones, between the towns of Wahiawa and Haleiwa, ancient Hawaiian women, pregnant with potential royalty, or alii, gave birth. Potential alii could not be delivered like a commoner, without celebration -- today, we see this birth seclusion when celebrities like Britney Spears deliver their children in special hospitals and birthing centers. It is believed the rocks contained powers to ease labor pains. Rituals surrounding the birth of aliis include 48 chiefs beating drums in the announcement of the arrival of the newborns who, in the future, could become chiefs.

Modern women would be surprised to know that a number of birth rituals from the past have been translated into our culture. The art of midwifery, the practice of massaging the pregnant belly during birth, medicine-free births, and the idea of silence during birth are only a few of these rituals. Who knows, these birthing rituals, and others, may continue to be passed through time bonding women from ancient civilizations and future generations together.

Lenape Birthing Practices, 1000 -1650

This modern drawing illustrates various birthing practices and other customs of Lenape women. In Lenape culture, a special hut, separate from the other dwellings, was used by women at times of menstruation and for giving birth. Here women rested while being cared for by other women of the band. Following birth, the child was placed on a flat cradle board by means of which the mother carried the child on her back. The umbilical cord was often buried. According to some Delaware Indians the umbilical cord might be inserted under the bark of a fine young sapling; as the tree grew tall and strong, so too would the child. In this illustration, we see an older woman using a hollow tree-trunk mortar. A knobbed pestle has been suspended from a bent sapling which acts as a spring to help carry the pestle upwards, thus relieving fatigue. Women usually wore only a wrap-around skirt of skin when weather permitted. They decorated themselves with simple patterns, usually by applying a round spot of paint to their cheeks.

Oranges

2012-01-03T01:51:00.000+03:00

I decided to begin 2012 with a healthy note.Now I love oranges.They are a staple in my life.It all began when we were toddlers.My dad wanted us to be healthy,prevent us from nose bleeds because of the intense summers and heaty foods,like so many parents do,so they gave a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice our whole life,everyday that is until we got married and left our nest.Every morning it began with a glass of the holy juice,even before we brushed our teeth.Out of the 3,I was the fussier one and had to be beaten at times,to make me finish a glass of it.I would cry swearing they actually added salt into the juice to make it taste so bitter.How come it didn't taste like sunkist or the juices available in the market?

For a long time,I would just hope that juice wouldn't be squeezed.That my dad would wake up late.Then I got married and ever since the day,I would think of the one thing I never wanted to do.Orange juice.To such and extent,I started buying oranges and buying fresh ones off the store.8 years now and I drink orange like water.Maybe I miss my dad so much that its become like this thing I do in his honor.Every time I drink it,I always think of him and I'm so glad for it.Those were great times.

Anyways,I have been eating clementines for a couple of days and I thought why not put forward some uses of the orange peel.They smell divine and why waste them.So I found some uses of it online.Eating the fruit is beneficial for the vitamin C content.Of course,there are others fruits which have far more Vita C but this is all about the oranges.

1. Puree the orange peel in water to make a spray that will discourage ants from crossing.

2. Flies and mosquitoes don't like orange either. Small piles of zest will help discourage these pests without the use of pesticides! This could really come in handy on a picnic.

3. Simmer peels in water, add a pinch or two of cloves and a cinnamon stick for a wonderful fragrance for your home. Actually, this will help clean the air from airborne cold and flu germs! I do this through the entire winter season!

4. Dried orange peels can be placed in a cloth bag and placed in closets and cupboards to reduce musty odors.

5. A puree blend of orange peel and water can be applied to an area to discourage ants from crossing.

6. Hand moisturizer. Turn the orange inside out and rub the inner part all over your hands for 1-2 minutes. Rinse with lukewarm water. Your hands will smell soooo good after this!

7. Kitchen decor and air freshener. Place the orange peel in a tall glass and leave on the kitchen window sill. It’s a great ‘all natural’ decor and freshens up the room too.As pot pourri.

8. The peels are candied or used as sweeteners in cake or added to sugar syrups.

HAPPY 2012

2011-12-29T16:58:00.000+03:00

I’m writing this in a state of shock,

Watching the clock—tick tock, tick tock,

Advancing, approaching, relentlessly,

A brand new year; Oh, can it be?

The calendar says the same thing, too;

Time races, vanishes for me; Boo hoo!

No, wait! If time flies, I’m having fun!

A year of fun! It’s gone! It’s done!

I now embrace the blur of time,

Because it simply means that I’m

Too busy with pleasure, joy, delight

To mourn the passing days’ swift flight.

So I’m wishing you fast, happy days,

Pleasuring you in myriad ways,

Filled with happiness and cheer,

Oh Happy, Happy Bright 2012!

Competition

2011-12-27T23:21:00.000+03:00

Some competitions just don't finish.You are competing everyday with someone or the other.As a child,it was sibling rivalry.I'm gonna earn plus points and be on my parents good side.That should get me at least One of the things I desire.Then in school,you are competing with the 34 other students in your class.At least not the 10 most intelligent ones or the rank of students you think you belong to intelligence wise.

Then you grow up.You are competing with the beauties in your family.Her daughter is so thin and beautiful.See their son has a great job and is already earning so much.She got a proposal already,he is marrying this fantastic girl from a rich family and so on and so forth.

You start working and its a Rat Race.For a better position in the company,to beat that colleague or new comer to that job by the window.To prove that you are ready to do every overtime,so that you are in the good books of your superior.When I worked at a laboratory for a year,I had to learn many new things from my Filipino superior and she would just yammer on and would go,I have no time to show you the ropes.Then she back stabbed me finally just a few days before I could get my licence.It was heart breaking with all those exams I gave and endless hours I gave to learn.

Then you get married and there is competition between the in laws or your bhabi or bhai ki bahen.She cooks better,she does this and that better,she is a better mom or wife,he is very hard working,he earns well,he does this and that,he has so many accomplishments under his belt.There is just no ending to this crap.

We seek approval,attention that we are different,maybe slightly or overtly.We want to be discovered and get the "thumbs up".I have been competing all my life.When you discuss this or talk to your girlfriends,they raise their eyebrow wondering what on earth is going on in your life really ! When with my in laws,I noticed my bhabi would cook something up and then my in law would begin praising her for all the hard work.And when I whipped something up,it was always,we actually don't usually cook this way.We add a lot of this and that,but I always make my peace.I didn't want to cook exactly the way they,it had to have my touch.It used to make me very nervous initially and I would panic when cooking food for the entire family.Maybe because I was new at it back then,and wasn't very experienced.Its the same with my girlfriends.None of us aren't trying to put the other down,but still its like.".I'm really good at this and everyone just keeps talking about it.So what are you good at?"

Have you ever sat among a bunch of parents and never heard at least 3 of them say,"You know my child came first and beat this kid and that.My child came first in class.We have enrolled our child at this and that place.Its expensive but we can afford it now." SO you see,we aren't just stating the facts for the sake of it,we are doing for a reason.To prove a point,be it minor or major.

Sit among the elderly in your family or anywhere,they will list out everything.All their hard work.Its not just for others sake but for themselves,they are telling themselves,we did a great job and left no stone overturned,even if it almost brought them to ruins at some point.

If we look closely,we are actually trying to prove ourselves better than the rest.This determination actually helps to make ourselves better and improvise on our negativity.We strive to do things we maybe wouldn't attempt to do on our own.A little push always takes you a long way at least in some direction ,be it good or bad.SO int he end,A little competition is good but too much of it,well,is just not right.When you have too much of it,you tend to do things which aren't fair as well.And I think,when you make it dirty,its not a good run.

These are 2 sites I was reading and I think you too ,if interested,go through it once.

http://www.selfimprovementinformation.com/

http://dayzeebee.hubpages.com/hub/Competition-vs-Creation

Stress

2011-12-25T13:26:00.003+03:00

I dont have to write about how stress is induced.Once you have crossed 20 years of age,you have automatically mastered the art of choking yourself with stress.What can Stress do to you? Nah! I dont want to write about that as well.The options are endless - losing hair,going bald,going broke emotionally,the end results of this disease is endless.I just thought let me introduce you to some ways of getting your stress under control.

By the way,This idea was induced by one of my readers named Irfanuddin ,with his blog " Apniboli".

This seems to be the most effective bumpy one:

Laughing.....you are 30 minutes from being fired...lolling will help.

Then there are medications...for the serious ones.

Comfort food...come on ,there is basically a science behind it.

One has the healthy option of going into yoga.

It speaks for itself.

Soaking in the bath tub with scented candles or bubblebath.

I've heard quite a lot of people say that knitting does help relieve stress for them.

Many years ago,they showed this hotel in Japan where Diners are provided with unlimited plates,of course for a price,plates ceramic one and a room where you can break the plates and curse aloud while doing so,venting your anger,as this reduces your stress and calms you down eventually.I believe it too.I tried a couple of wine glasses when I was newly married.

Other ways :

Nigella Lawson swears by this method.

My first Guest Post for my friend Sujatha.

2011-12-24T15:14:00.000+03:00

http://www.sujathasathya.blogspot.com/2011/12/war-and-family.html

Conversations is hosting its FIRST Guest Post. And can it be anything but special?
Since the time I understood the concept of guest posts, I wanted only 1 person to begin that trend here & that is my high-school friend Suzaan. Her blog - Colors of My Thoughts. She was my first reader & the first person to comment on my posts. For one whole year, this blog got comments only from her (& rare appearances by 1 or 2 other readers mostly my students!)
We read each other's minds through our blogs. She lives in Kuwait & I havent seen her or even heard her voice, after we passed out of 12th Std. Yet I feel close to her. Thanks to blogging.
Read on for her first hand account of the Gulf War.

A War & A Family

We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases & toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain & kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, & trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together.

- Erma Bombeck

When the war broke out in August 1991, I was back in India on a vacation with my mom & siblings for 20 days. We were at my grandma's house when a neighbor walked in & told my mom," Kuwait has just been invaded." My mom didn’t understand. She was blinking as if "WTF" & ran & watched the news. I heard this panic filled scream & watched her run towards the nearest telephone booth. The phone lines didn’t work & then all hell broke loose. In a couple of days, she turned into this bitter, angry woman who didn’t eat & got crazy when any of us laughed & played. I was going to turn 12 & had no idea what was happening. How am I supposed to know what war is? I knew the British had invaded India but wasn’t that through some company?
She relaxed after that. She cooked meals with my aunt & never shouted at us. On 4th September morning, I woke up & saw my aunt preparing breakfast. She asked me, “I thought you said your daddy would be here” to which I replied," He will be”. I walked into the sitting room & I felt this tingling feeling. I ran outside & there my dad & his sisters were coming out of a taxi. I ran out, straight into his arms screaming daddy. It was a reunion to remember. I kept screaming," I knew you’d never miss my birthday, I love you daddy." I ran in & told my mom dad was here. She dropped the pan on the floor & ran into the living room. She stood by the door, shocked. She didn’t say anything while my brother & sister were hugging him. She stood by the door, tears flowing & said nothing. I thought about all that screaming & beating & for what! To stand glued to the door without a word to utter!
I now know the hell she went through & how difficult it had all been. We were shunned by some relatives & experienced poverty even. I remember pining for a piece of chocolate toffee but couldn’t afford it. I remember wearing hand me downs of neighbors’ & living off people's generosity for a few years. I remember not being able to celebrate Christmas coz even buying a kg of meat was a big deal. I remember not putting up Christmas trees & decorations coz we didn’t have any. I remember my parents crying over how thin we kids had become. My dad felt awful each time my brother asked him, “Can’t we even buy a small cake for a birthday.” Mom would make us sweet rice balls instead to have as sweets. Life was difficult. For someone who hadn’t used the stone to wash clothes for over 15 years had to wash on those granite slabs. To use detergent soaps as less as possible coz we couldn’t buy soap cakes every now & then. How we had to switch to lifebuoy soap for body & hair.
When my parents came back to Gulf, they promised themselves & us, they’d make a good saving & make life better for us & that none of us would experience poverty again. It made us the people we are today. It made us realize the value of everything - not taking things for granted, being respectful, honest, hard working & helpful. Money isn’t everything & relationships between family & friends are just as important. No matter what happens, family unites in times of grief, poverty & happiness. Gulf war has been one of the most humbling experiences for me. It taught us many things & now since we all are married; we know more than ever, what an epic struggle it had been for our parents to rebuild a future for both of them & for us.
In truth a family is what you make it. It is made strong, not by number of heads counted at the dinner table, but by the rituals you help family members create, by the memories you share, by the commitment of time, caring, & love you show to one another, & by the hopes for the future you have as individuals & as a unit.

- Marge Kennedy

An End Of 2011

2011-12-24T04:35:00.000+03:00

2011 has been a hell of a year for me.It taught me a whole lot of lessons,enough to leave an imprint on my mind,for the better I'm hoping though.
I learnt that even though I was 34,I wasn't invincible.I learnt that health was a fragile thing and the only way to earn plus points with it was to respect it,care for it and live it.

I learnt Stress can do so much harm on you and the only person who can help you out of it is mostly oneself and your loved one.

I learnt that even though I try to be strong,I'm actually mushy.I ain't superman and I too,need to cry things out in order to sort them out.
I learnt that I'm still in love with my husband ,maybe more,and he is one of the most dependable best friends I have in my life.Thank you Darling !

I learnt my family helps me maintain that balance I need for a sane existence.

I have learnt that people aren't what they always seem to be.There are few who generally love you for who you are but its mostly they hate you for what you are.

I have learnt wisdom is "in living in the moment".You have no idea what tomorrow holds,so when you get the chance,do indulge in the tiny pleasures it gives you.

I have learnt I actually cannot survive without Internet.I feel so lost and depressed at times when I cant be online.

I learnt I totally love my nephew to death.And am surprised at how many times I look at his photos and smile and feel good.

I learnt that it continues to be easy for me to gain pounds and personally I'm a lazy ass when its comes to trying to shake it off.

I have learnt its easy to be taken for granted and better retaliate when you have the chance than become a doormat.

I have learnt I love Tamil songs and movies a lot.Even though I don't get a single word of it.

Thank you 2011.You were a good year.God has been kind and forgiving to me.Thank you so far for everything.

Parenting Styles

2011-12-19T16:46:00.001+03:00

There are handbooks out there that give you tips on how to deal with your children and how to be better parents,the kind the kids will not take advantage of and still be appreciative of you being there for them.Everyone thinks that they are a very hands on kind of parents but its not you who can spot your own mistakes.Eventually the outcome of your kids behaviour which becomes apparent to everyone around, and so the embarrassment and wondering where did I go wrong.

My parents were a mix of a lot of styles but being passive.Their idea was,lets not let them go to the point where they will land up making mistakes.I took care of my teenage brother and sister while coming out of my teenage hood and trust me,with no parents around,it was very very difficult.It did pay off in the end.The secret being letting them come out of their own problems by guiding them verbally now and then.When you are a teenage,you will not live by other's experiences but truly want to make those mistakes and see for yourself.Our minds are going haywire and we feel we have the right to jump head on into craziness.

Anyways,I think,the way we guide them as small kids,is the key to making them the people they are.Its not an exact science but come on,it comes with practice and when they are small,you can see the end results and still have the time to correct your wrongs and make it right.
Parents usually,at least the ones I come across,say,there is time,they are still very small.I can correct them,let them at least be smart enough to understand their environment.A 2 yr old throws temper tantrums.Why? Your phone is ringing and they are screaming their heads off to hold the phone ,just at that time.They are faking their cries,coz they know at some point,you tend to give up and hand them the phone.Your child knows what buttons to press,unknowingly but they do,if I'm going to lie down on the floor and beat my hands and legs,they will just hand it over.So its never too early to teach your kids.

I got this article in some online newspaper and It is well written with the proper good points.Hope its of some help to you parents.
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What's your style of parenting?

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/life-style/relationships/parenting/Whats-your-style-of-parenting/articleshow/6042952.cms

Do you pride yourself as one of those new age parents, indulgent yet strict as per the needs of the situation? Do you worry endlessly and even stays up till your kid get home from a night out with friends? Are you constantly going through your child's belongings - cupboard, books, online profile, SMSes, etc? Do you always tell your child what to do and what not to just to 'keep them safe'?

All parents have their own style of parenting - their way of bringing up their children. According to Bela Raja, child guidance counsellor, one's parenting style, if negative, can have an adverse effect on the psyche of the child even to the point of causing damage. "A good style of parenting is one where parents respect the needs and emotions of their child as much as the child respects the parents. It's also important for parents to encourage the development of the child's self-esteem. They need to teach him/her to feel good about themselves. Moreover, no matter how silly or insignificant it may seem, a child's concerns have to be addressed, even if it's just the fear of entering a room alone," she says.

Bela adds that since the child's first social interaction is with the parents, the style of interaction used here will have a significant bearing on the child as a grownup. TV anchor Mini Mathur, mother of seven-year-old Vivaan opines that she is a moderate parent. "I guard against being over protective so that he learns to fight his own battles. For now I am playing the role of a guide, protector in the hope that he learns to be independent and take his own decisions as an adult," she explains. And though at times she does get 'extremely over-indulgent', she is also the disciplinarian in the family.

"Kabir is the indulgent, knowledge imparting, fun type of parent, so the task of balancing things out and keeping Vivaan in check is left to me. Thankfully he's growing up to be a well balanced, sensitive and grounded kid, so I guess I'm doing something right somewhere," she says.
If you're worried that your college going kid is splurging too much on clothes or shoes, this behaviour could be the result of you saying no to them every time as kids or if your child hesitates to take any decision on his own, it could be the result of you being an over-protective or dominating parent in their younger days or if people complain that your child is overly arrogant and rude, it could be because you did not correct these faults in his/her childhood itself.
Here are some parenting styles and what the potential outcome could be like:

Over-protective parents: Leads to clingy adults

A child growing under overprotective parents faces severe detachment problems as an adult. If you don't let him/her face life in all its shades, they will grow up to be excessively dependent, weak and seek help for trivial matters.

TIP: Such behaviour can restrict your child's emotional intelligence. Give them an opportunity to explore the world without constant interference.

Suspicious parents: Leads to lying, distrustful adults

It's okay to keep a check on your child, but overdoing it can hamper their trust instinct. The child will then panic at the sight of your call or message. To save face, they may even resort to lying. Over suspicious parents envision fear by putting this fear in their child, they raise suspicious adults with low confidence.

TIP: If you have an excessive urge to check on your kids, have a frank talk with them and look for a solution. For instance, they can call you every time they reach their friend's house, instead of the other way round.

Abusive parents: Leads to an extreme personality

It's all right to point out your child's mistakes, but use of emotional or physical violence can scar them for life. Abusive parents permanently damage their child's cognitive development leading to low self-esteem and confidence. Such children grow up to be extreme personalities - a total rebel or a doormat.

TIP: Identify the first signs of losing your temper.
See if it's the way your child talks or their mistakes that annoys you. Take precautions at this very stage.

Pushy parents: Leads to suicidal adults

Pushy parents who want their kids to be winners all the time ,put kids under extreme pressure leading to nervous breakdowns or even suicidal tendencies. Such parents find it hard to digest failure and they crush the child's personality. Even as an adult, such kids strive to conform to others expectations, which, when unfulfilled, will create a feeling of worthlessness.

TIP: Share positive feelings with your children. Encourage kids even if they don't win a competition.

Comparing parents: Leads to a show off

Parents, who don't empathise with their child are quick to deform their child's personality. This leads to adults who harbour excessive feelings of worthlessness, low self-esteem and self-pity.

TIP: Even if you disagree with your child, use positivity. Avoid comparing siblings and phrases that hurt.

Passive parents: Leads to arrogant adults

Parents, who don't participate in their child's activities or those who feel too sorry for being hard on their child, turn them into difficult adults. Such parents are often unable to say 'no' and the child grows up to be an overconfident person, who cannot accept mistake or accept criticism positively.

TIP: Spend quality time with your kids. Do things together, such as painting, story telling, going to the park, etc. In case they make a mistake, point it out gently. Do not give in to your child's whining, crying or temper tantrum, as it only reinforces the behaviour.

Christmas

2011-12-18T21:26:00.000+03:00

Christmas,as everyone knows the world around,Is a celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ.We know that.But I'm not going the discuss any religious aspect of this festival,but rather talk about the traditions behind it.To be more specific,the traditions that I grew up,until I married my husband and converted to Islam.

Christmas is a day of meaning and traditions, a special day spent in the warm circle of family and friends."

~ Margaret Thatcher (1925- ), English political leader.

Like I said,Its still not about religion.Its about those wonderful red and green memories,those rituals we followed year after year.Some we looked forward to and some,the clashes of the drunk,we would dread.

As November would come to an end,we 3 knew,that the season to be jolly was coming near.And just the thought of it,brought so excitement,got us all keyed up.December 5th was the D day when my dad pulled out the Christmas tree from the recesses of the kitchen store.When he pulled the tree out,we 3 chuckled at the sight of it being unwrapped.

My mom would announce,"It is time for those letters.Remember,Santa Claus expects a handwritten letter that is legible,with more or less good grammar.Don't forget to write why you deserve them."This was a difficult thing to do coz within one week,it had to be posted to the North pole in the name of Santa and it was time consuming.All the playtime was used up writing this letter.But it was done with happiness.I drew stars,flowers,put up stickers if I had any,kissed them a 100 times,it was to impress Santa,so he would buy each and everything I asked for.

I didn't ask for much.It was Sri Devi's outfits,long black hair,the most wonderful dress for myself,drawing books,a trip around the world with Santa and his reindeer's,a chocolate bar that never finished,no matter how much you ate of it,Story books with tons of illustrations ,for my gifts to be bigger than my brother's and sister's and to wake me up when he was leaving the presents by our windows.
Why did I deserve any of it? Coz I'm the oldest of my siblings,I never lie( yeah right !) ,I'm a good girl ( my mom would laugh at this ),I ate all my greens ( after being beaten with a ruler) and for praying ( coz everyone in my row had closed their eyes and folded their hands in prayer).How would he know? I live in a desert and he lives surrounded by snow.My friends had told,he couldn't bear the heat after living in small cottage in the North pole.

Yeah ! I was Ms goody two shoes.I knew I was bound to get my gifts coz he wouldn't be unfair by giving me nothing.Besides,last year I beat my brother up so many times and I still got my presents.Evil child....you have no idea.

He would hand all 3 of us ornaments and one at a time,in coming days,we would hang them and decorate the tree eventually.After that,come every Friday,we woke up to Boney M's Christmas songs and many other christmasy songs.We woke up without being yanked out of bed.

Then came the turn of making Christmas sweets.These are unique sweets which are made only during the month of December by mangaloreans.And as the tradition goes,sweet making is completed by December 23rd and then a little bit of every sweet was decorated in a plate and we would go to every friend's and relatives home and hand them these trays,wishing them and inviting them to our homes.It was a beautiful tradition which brought friends and family much closer than one would think.Kidiyos,kulkuls,kookisa,newriyo - all this is called Kuswar.

Come D-day,people made the effort to visit every friend or relative they cherished,even if it was half an hour ,and back then, most of them had no cars.People didn't mind spending a little extra because in the end it was to make others and ourselves happy.There would be dancing,drinking,so much of merry making,people were bringing gifts,chocolates were overflowing,people laughing,hugging,feeding,eating,singing.It was that one time of the year,when no one felt too busy or got stingy.

I miss those days now and I wonder what do I do to keep these traditions living.Everyone seems busy,cannot spare the time or do something on the day coz its too much work and money.I think when you think about expenses and time consumed,you actually are not looking at the entire thing right.You aren't thinking about others but just yourself.And this is how the spirit of Christmas or any other festival dies when all one thinks ,is about oneself.

So to all out there.Festival is a time to create love and spread it.Don't expect something.Make new traditions,keep great old ones alive for ourselves and for our kids.Let them be a part of it and continue this with their families later on.I don't celebrate Christmas anymore but this tradition of my parents, if not in reality,is always celebrated in my heart.I live my Christmas in my mind and a little bit with my husband,but singing,keeping a tiny tree,making sweets and going out smiling with my friends and family when they have the time.

8 Friends Every Woman Needs

2011-12-18T21:04:00.000+03:00

http://www.prevention.com/health/sex-relationships/8-friends-every-woman-needs

Essential Friendships

You know that close friendships feel good

But did you know just how much of a health boost they can be? According to a 10-year study of older people in Adelaide, Australia, satisfying friendships predict longevity better than even close family ties, and they can protect against obesity, depression, and heart disease, among other health problems. “When women get stressed, our instinct is often to find a friend and talk things through,” says Joan Borysenko, PhD, author of Inner Peace for Busy Women. “Both touch and talk release the hormone oxytocin, which has a profoundly calming effect on your mind and body.”

You don’t need 600 Facebook friends or a jam-packed social calendar to reap these impressive perks (in fact, both can backfire). Research shows the following “types” of relationships are especially potent for your health. Here’s how to cherish these friendships and make sure you stay close for the long haul.

1. A Childhood Friend

Longtime intimates are special for many reasons. They knew you and your family while you were growing up and likely have many memories and stories of you that no one else does. "These friends remind you that you are still the person you've always been," says Rebecca G. Adams, PhD, a leading friendship researcher and sociology professor at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro.

Nurture these ties by starting a members-only Web site—groups on Yahoo, Google, or Facebook are free and make it easy. Use them to plan vacations or share links to digital photo albums. Or keep things low tech—just stick a card in the mail now and then, and stay in touch with phone calls. Research from the University of Notre Dame shows that people who chat at least every 15 days have the best chance of staying close over time.

2. A New Friend

"As we get older, we can fall into ruts," says Pamela McLean, PhD, a psychologist in Santa Barbara, CA. "New friends ignite different kinds of thinking and fresh ways of being." What's more, they'll connect you to another network of people, says Rosemary Blieszner, PhD, a professor at Virginia Tech who has researched friendships among older women. That network can be helpful if you’re looking to make a career change or find a new pool of potential dates.

Find new friends at the office, befriend your kids’ friends’ parents, or try new activities, like that Zumba class at the gym.

3. A Workout Friend

Experts agree that exercising—whether walking, golfing, or salsa dancing—is one of the most important things you can do for your physical and mental health and longevity. And a good friend may be the glue that makes this healthy habit stick. A University of Connecticut study of 189 women ages 59 to 78 found that strong social support was key to maintaining a new exercise regimen for 1 year.

For best results, set a joint exercise goal together—whether it’s going for a neighborhood walk 4 days a week or running a 5K. It's the best way to boost the get-healthy payoff of a workout partner because neither of you is poking and prodding the other, which is a recipe for resentment, says Marcia G. Ory, PhD, a researcher at Texas A&M Health Science Center.

4. A Spiritual Friend

A study from Duke University Medical Center found that people who regularly attended religious services or engaged in activities such as prayer, meditation, or Bible study had a 50% lower risk of dying over a 6-year period than others of the same age and health status.

That's not to say it's easy to forge a connection in a room of 300 worshippers or while meditating on your own. Seek more intimate opportunities at a local church or temple: Volunteer in a canned food drive campaign, or attend a lecture series. Or try a neighborhood yoga center or community college; they often offer spiritually meaningful courses.

5. A Younger Friend

Research shows that an essential element of a happy life is to nurture and feel useful to others—by cooking a wholesome meal, say, or passing on what you've learned through experience. For many women, that itch gets scratched by raising children. But mentoring younger friends (from the office, for example) can give you that same feeling, Blieszner says.

To maximize the benefits of this friendship, let advice flow in both directions. A younger confidante can explain the social networking site du jour or offer a fresh take on current events.

6. Your Partner’s Friends

The more a couple's family and friends intermingle, the happier spouses are after even just 1 year of marriage, found one study that examined the social circles of 347 couples. "We were surprised," says researcher Kenneth Leonard, PhD, a professor of clinical psychology at SUNY Buffalo. "Including your spouse in your network of friends is nearly as important for marital happiness as making them feel they are a part of your family."

7. Your Mom

Despite the inevitable conflicts between grown moms and daughters, the relationships are generally strong, supportive, and close. "There is great value in this bond because mothers and daughters care so much for one another," says study author Karen L. Fingerman, PhD. If you’d like to be closer but run into the same roadblocks over and over, here’s some advice to overcome the most common issues.

You find it hard to enjoy time with mom: Stop trying to change her, and focus on what you do enjoy, says Fingerman.

You keep clashing over the same old issues: The women who had the strongest relationships didn't take the conflicts personally. Instead, they tended to see criticism as a reflection of their mother's habits or traits.

The relationship feels too close for comfort: Daughters who did the best with this accepted that their mothers wanted more time together. Instead of telling their moms what they couldn't do, these daughters focused on when they could get together and what they could do for their mothers.

8. Yourself

So, how does one befriend herself, exactly? It starts with self-knowledge, says Prevention advisor Pamela Peeke, MD, MPH, an assistant clinical professor of medicine at the University of Maryland. "Getting to know yourself is an amazing adventure," she says. "Think of what makes you fall in love with someone: how genuine, sincere, and caring they can be; the unconditional love they offer, no matter what. Doesn't that describe how you should feel about yourself?"

Peeke recommends you repeat the following mantra as a reminder: "I love and honor myself as I do the other important people in my life." To give yourself the TLC you deserve, write down seven things that make you feel happy and healthy (cooking dinner, talking to a friend, running, reading a book), and make sure you do at least one every day.

Decorating your Christmas Tree

2011-12-17T01:56:00.001+03:00

Step 1: Hang Christmas Tree Lights

The first step in decorating a Christmas tree is adding the lights. Tree lights typically come on green or white wire strands; choose the strand that matches your tree so the wire will be hidden. Illuminating your Christmas tree from the inside out will give it the most dynamic look. Start at the base of the trunk and work your way up, wrapping lights around every major branch, moving from the trunk to the tip and back.

Traditional incandescent lights: These Christmas tree lights, which come in a variety of sizes and colors, are the most popular type of tree lights. They warm up the branches of a real tree, which will release the scent of pine into the room.

LED Lights: These Christmas tree lights are newer than the traditional incandescent lights and don't produce heat. They're typically more expensive, but are flameproof and fireproof and completely safe to put on your tree.

Step 2: Add Christmas Tree Garlands

There are no firm rules when draping garlands on a tree. To avoid the "sausage effect" (branches bulging between tightly cinched garlands), start at the top of the tree and slowly increase the amount of garland between each wave as you work your way down the branches. Plan to use about two strands of garland for every vertical foot of tree.

To avoid a busy look on your tree, use a variety of garlands from plain to fancy. Thin, beaded garlands look best hung from branch to branch; thicker paper, ribbon or foil garlands look best wrapped loosely around the entire tree.

Step 3: Hang Christmas Tree Ornaments

To showcase your favorite ornaments, place them in prime positions on the tree first. Next, hang your larger ornaments, spacing them evenly around the tree. Fill in around those ornaments with medium- and small-size ornaments. Be sure to hang some ornaments closer to the trunk to create depth and interest. Finish dressing the tree by adding specialty items, such as clip-on ornaments or icicles.

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This is my christmas tree for 2011:

RASMALAI RECIPE - QUICK AND EASY

2011-12-13T17:45:00.002+03:00

Rasmalai recipe

Who doesnt love sweets? Everybody does.With tons of recipes and videos out there,cooking things has become much more easier now.

I love sweets but being diabetic,this was something I didnt care much to learn Because once you've nailed it,you wanna make it more often than needed.After a few failures,I managed to make these rasmalais.They are very simple and I cannot guarantee they will look that gorgeous texture wise.It takes a bit of practice and practice ( lots of it) makes perfect.

Ingredients :

1 tea cup milk powder

1 litre full cream milk

1 tsp oil/ghee (clarified butter)

1 tsp baking powder

1 tsp maida/all purpose flour

1 egg whole

powdered sugar (this depends on the sweetness one wants)

Pista(pistachios) , badaam(almonds) halved/slivered,for garnish

Method :

Combine the milk powder ,baking powder,oil,maida,egg together and knead it until you have a good dough.Keep it aside for 15 minutes.After which you can make tiny balls out of the dough.

When you are done with making these balls,press them in the center just to flatten them a bit.This is important as it helps it to cook through in the milk.

Meanwhile,bring the 1 L milk to a boil with the added sugar in it.I dont like anything too sweet,so I added 2 tbsp full of sugar.Mix the suagr to dissolve it.once its boiled,keep on medium simmer and add the flatten balls of dough into it.let them cook for 15 - 20 minutes in the milk.

You will notice the balls have gone white in color,are floating on the surface.You can turn them over as well mid way.They have enlarged in size too.

Close the stove down and let it cool for while.Transfer into a nice bowl and let it chill in the fridge for an hour or so.

When serving it,you can sprinkle them individually in the guest bowls or in the serving bowl itself.

I hope I could be of some help to you guys.Dont be disheartened if it didnt go well the first time.Im impatient when it comes to cooking as well,so if I could do it,so can you.

Girlfriend chatter

2011-12-10T21:32:00.000+03:00

We are a chatty bunch.We can hook up with our gals and begin from just about nothing.It could be the plane,train,ship ,desert or even the bathroom.2 women can open up just about anywhere about anything,from makeup to periods to marriages to kids to gold to men to youth to illnesses and so on and so forth.

Men are more of blunt with each other,their topic of conversation are less of an intimate nature,they stick to the point and the conversations are more about things which are on every one's mind at the time.I cant speak too much on their behalf.

Women tend to be different.Its all about gossiping,talking about how that person not with the group at the moment is this and that,are very open to intimate discussions of all kind,sort of empty their heart when discussing something.

Over the years ,I have realised that women can be fictitious about certain details in their conversation,will exaggerate the truth a little bit more and one way or the other try to prove that they are a little above the rest.I'm not fictitious as such but yes,to me,its all about proving that I'm better in certain areas than the rest that's to show off my cooking skills ,the reason being,I work hard at cooking well and like to be praised every now and then.Who doesn't,right ! SO I entertain and feed.Keeps me wanting to be a good cook.Other than that,I like my life to be represent itself,so no bragging rights required.

I love to observe people and look at how they function,what do they think and how do they go about their day in terms of daily chores,their children,their marriages and their work and social life.How do I manage to do something like this,I talk a little less and do a lot of listening to.Its amazing as to how people open up to you,when you are a good listener.

Women discuss their daily frustrations with rearing their kids.My kid is a fussy eater,is a slow learner,isn't talking yet,isn't walking yet,isn't independent yet,is too stubborn,is too weak,too thin,too fat and so on and so forth.Bringing up your children in a forsaken world like ours,is a huge challenge to any parent in this day and age.Everyone wants their child to be less of a booby,more of a brainy, talented in one way or more and how one goes about doing so,is one of the most difficult missions to accomplish.Because how one brings up their child,will determine the kind of person he/she will be in the future.So you see, this makes it one of the most important topic of conversation over the phone or in person.

After this comes work.How one is doing at work,who is stabbing who behind their back,who is shunning you or being appreciative,what solidarity rules and who lost their footing or gained one ,on the corporate ladder ! How one kisses ass and how one manages to move up the system.

Another popular food for thought, comes out of the marital diary.My husband isn't listening enough,my husband isn't appreciative enough,my husband is still latched on to his parents,my husband isn't all over his kids when he comes home,my husband isn't all over me when he comes home,we spend no quality time together,there is too much activity in the bedroom,there is zero activity in the bedroom,there is something weird in the bedroom,the kids are in our beds,the husband is watching too much of TV and less of me,the bedroom has become more of a cold storage than summery Hawaii, there isn't any spontaneity left.These are things that women discuss more often than anticipated.And actually look forward to sharing among girlfriends.I'm more of "Don't Kiss and tell" kind of a person but there are quite a lot of women,who love to discuss such details.

Initially,I wondered ,why would someone just blabber something like this.Was it because they trust you to not divulge this piece of information,or was it a form of release to speak it out ,so it wouldn't hatch eggs in your mind no more.Or was it because they got some pleasure out of discussing such hush hush details.Bedroom gossip is like a dirty magazine.You don't buy it openly,you hide and read them,to give you guilty pleasures.I was surprised to realise that I was way more conservative when it came to things like these.I don't discuss such things,coz I think they make you seem crass and make the people in the conversation lose respect for another over such private details.Maybe a BFF who you knew since time immemorial but not among general friends.At least not for me.

Another favourite choice of topic is one's birthing experience.I must have heard the same old thing a million times.I have immense respect for women mind you,who have gone through this important phase of their life.I'm respectful of it,but to be dramatic about it or make it seem like a drudgery ! Bringing a child into this world ,is an unbelievable feat of strength and patience but to tell it as if you nearly lost your life doing so.It is painful,yes,pushing a melon out of a hole meant for lime,yes,I know how painful it is.But to discuss the birth of your child like a near death experience,women please.You are making something so beautiful seem like "World War 3 of the Womb". Initially I was flabbergasted, I was new to all this.I never heard my mom discuss it in a such a scary way.In her words, yes,I was pregnant,I had a huge belly towards the end,I went in the morning for delivery and came back home in the evening.She would say ,"It is every woman's birthright to have a child,so no pain,no gain".My sister had a 4kg healthy bubbly boy and all she could say was,yeah,It was painful alright but not like how my friends described it.She doesn't like to discuss too much about it.She is happy she had a beautiful baby in the end.

But some women,they will for months keep updating their birthing stories and the details will change from time to time.The 2 stitches will be 4 stitches,the birthing from 1 hour will become 5 hours,the health scare will go from moderate to on the deathbed kind of thing.Its amusing to me in the end,especially if you are the kind of person who doesn't forget details about things very easily.

Then I know of women who love to talk about their possessions.I own this and that.I have this much of gold,or I bought stuff for this much money.I shop here regularly,I eat her everyday.This costs this and that costs that and I have it.This is a common choice of topic among older women.They love to strut their stuff in your face in the hope of receiving accolades of some kind.Now this can be annoying especially if the person you are yakking to is not into "show me your junk" kind of thing.I have been to a very few kitty parties a couple of years ago.I was the youngest in the group and all I got to hear,was I spent this much on this and that much on that and eventually,I found the whole thing too annoying and I stopped going.I rather embarrass myself talking to a bunch of intellectuals than burn myself out amidst such arrogance.

Some share cookery skills and tips,recipes,house decorating tips,which are my favourite.Fashion is a topic of discussion too but then if you are the kind who is into the latest fad,then great.Some love to discuss their illnesses in length.Some like to explain the various medications raising havoc on their bodies.

My girlfriends and I are always into weight issues.Who has gained how much,who is fatter,who is fairer,who is looking good and who needs to work on what.We discuss how we have been healthwise,how we have gotten our way,how we havent gotten our way,who slogged the whole week.Who entertained friends and who had nobody come over .Who ate out a lot and who didnt manage to eat junk food.Who got special treats and who didnt.Who bought makeup or shoes or what.

It has been a while since all of us hooked up now and maybe thats why,I thought of this blog today.

SO you see,when women gather to talk,conversations are juicier and fun.Because we women talk this way,we have Oprah, The View ,Martha Stewart and many such talk shows which we love and adore so much.

Dialogues in our life !!

2011-12-07T18:26:00.000+03:00

I use this a lot," Teri maa ki ankh".Weird na,But This is one the many filmy dialogues I use in my daily life.Others being " Teri esi ki tesi"," Kya bey" ,"bas Ainvaye"," tang tod dungi" ,"Ankh phod dungi" ,a few Hindi gaalis ,etc etc.

"Mogambo khush hua !"

"Rishtey mein to Hum Tumhare Baap Hote hain, Naam hai SHAHENSHAH"

"Yeh Dhai kilo ka haath Jab kisi pe padta hai na to woh Uthta nahi...Uth jaata hai"

"Don ka intezaar toh baarah mulko ki Police kar rahi hai, magar Don ko pakadna Mushkil hi nahi..Na-Mumkin hai"

"Dosti ki hai..Nibhaani to Padegi"

Be it Hollywood or bollywood movies,some dialogues capture our attention and Some are too awesome to forget.Remember the dialogues from Braveheart or Titanic or Nasseb or Agnipath or Namakhalal or Mr.India or Don. Its the way they are said and how impressed we are with them ,that we decide to use them in our daily mode of life. I think the magic of dialogue writing is something very few people are good at and make a movie stand out apart from the songs and stories.When I watched "Band Bajaa Baraat" this one word made me crack up every time it was mentioned and that is "binn-ness".I found it funny and yet with the certainty he said the word,I loved it and now every time we mention the word,i say binness.Ya the very famous Shatrughan Sinha's" Khamosh".

That's what I love about movies.They bring this magic into our lives and subconsciously we make it a part of our own lives.These movie makers know how to play on the minds of people and are magicians in a sort of way,we love the razzmatazz of it all.

As a kid when I watched "Sharabi",the dialogue where he says," Munchey ho tho nathulal jesi ho warna na ho". Wherever I go,be it Bangladeshi ,Pakistani or anyone,the ones who love bollywood movies, they will never fail to mention this dialogue when a moustache is mentioned.

I see my husband saying this every time he sees Salman khan on TV," Ek baar jo mene commitment li,phir tho me khud ki nahi sunta". That's what movies is all about ,isn't it ! They make an impact,inspire us at times,make us laugh at times.

I don't watch much of Indian series of any kind coz they are interesting in the beginning but they tend to drag it so much after a couple of episodes with strange impossible things beginning to happen.But as I was flipping through the channels one fine day ,back in my grad days,there was some Mahabharata or don't remember exactly what,A very furious absolutely horrendously funny looking guy says," mere yuckk pitaji".Don't know if I heard it right but then onwards when I referred to my dad in some joke I would call him mere yuckk pitaji.

So you see it could be something senseless,or it could be some defining moment in a play/movie,It all depends on our mood or the timing of it all that stuff like this, sticks to our mind and we play it over and over in our conversations whenever we find such a moment in our own lives.

"Kutthe kaminey,me tera khoon pi jaounga " or what my dad said very often when we were kids, " kanpathey che doworr kadin" ( meaning I will smack your face till smoke comes off your cheeks).Dialogues...they make it or break it.

Hatred

2011-12-05T19:03:00.000+03:00

Monday, December 05, 2011

Hatred is very intense and strange emotion.As essential as it is,it is as powerful as love in many cases.We hate people from our guts,it sprouts from something really small or triggered by something really big.Places where hatred has reach the ultimate point is what are terrorists have.I always read about suicide bombers and after a couple of movies and documentaries,people have lost so much of love or lost it completely ,that their very reason to exist is driven from this negative effect of hatred towards anything.

The same goes with terrorists Im guessing.I wont go into the working of such political matters,the one thing I really hate to discuss or even watch on news.

Anyways,the reason I chose this topic was....."Love to hate you".I was watching this episode where this guy hates Farhan Akhtar.First of all,I think Farhan is an absolute darling.Smart,lucky,talented and really bindaas,down to earth guy. Moreover,it felt he personally hated Farhan for the personailty that he is .

There are a couple of people I would love to hate...coz they are a source of envy to me.They have something I dont.But lets keep that aside coz everyone knows tons of people they would "loveeeeeeeeeeee" to hate.

Some people we just hate.They have weird personal habits, they have such dirty households...have kids with no disciplinary backbone or cleanliness backbone or life that is so full of lies and have no idea what being organised is all about.Yup ! as many of you guessed it..I have a thing for cleanliness and hate people who dont discipline their kids enough.

In kindergarten there was this girl next to me,who drooled 24/7.She had her mouth open all the time and she drooled all over her uniform and she wiped it off on her arms when it dripped too much.I hated her with all my very being,which was a tiny being at 4 years old.Every afternoon after class,I came home and kept complaining for hours about her.I kept telling my mom,I hate her,tell the principal to throw her out of the school.I never spoke to her,ignored her and ran away everytime she came around.I met the same girl during my grad years and when I introduced myself and told her about kindergarten,she gave me this hatred filled look and from then on,she ignored me whenever she saw me in college.

During my hostel years,I hated the entire system and place so much,I had no time to hate someone in particular.Of course,there were people who did rag me and make fun of me every now and then,but all thats water under the bridge.

I read this on wictionary: an affection of the mind awakened by something regarded as unpleasant, harmful or evil.

“A Native American grandfather talking to his young grandson tells the boy he has two wolves inside of him struggling with each other. The first is the wolf of peace, love and kindness. The other wolf is fear, greed and hatred. "Which wolf will win, grandfather?" asks the young boy. "Whichever one I feed," is the reply.”

Native American Proverb Quotes

“Now hatred is by far the longest pleasure; Men love in haste, but they detest at leisure.”

Lord Byron (George Gordon Noel Byron) Quotes

“If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us.”

Hermann Hesse Quotes

I love these quotes, what i wanted to say on my blog, some intelligent person has said it in a few meaningful lines.Loving comes with ease but hatred or anger is much more easier to do coz you can sit by yourself the whole day for hours and hate someone.

Over the years I have realised that hatred has a whole lot more of damage it can unfold than help.It can indce stress and various health related problems.The most damaging being depression.As someone put it,"Hatred eats at your soul or feeds on your heart till you have none left and once they are gone,you are an empty bottomless vessel which is useless and cannot be fixed again." I have lost hair,mind,life over hatred over things I had no control off and was becoming a tar pit of a erson.Thats when I started rethinking my life again and with tons of prayers and self learning,I came back to be this happy go lucky person again.Forgiveness,humility,laughter and a good partner or friend to share your problems with.

Life is too short to hold a grudge, clear your conscious,say it loud and let your mind free from the shackles of doubt and anger and hatred.We live once.So cook and eat great food,pray with your kids and teach them about life and how important it is to live and let live.To be less condescending,to be more aware of the world around,to see the beauty in everything but also have equal knowledge of the harshness it holds in its seams.Bundle of a bunch of kids and read them stories or feed them ice cream or just bring your friends together for tea and cakes.

A good woman

2011-10-08T13:16:00.001+03:00

Once you have crossed 15,this is one of the major things that wander around both the girls and boys mind.Yaar! what is your dream guy or girl like?

Boys will begin with - She should have this sexy figure man,faithful and should be very hot.She should be cool.(within their head : a girl with big tits,gorgeous face and make every man pant and me feel Superior.)

Girls will say - He should tall,handsome,funny,faithful,have money,have car, and just supercool.( which actually means : A dog on a leash,loads of money to make my fantasy come true,take me clubbing and make every other girl on the block die with envy.)

This theory doesnt change for quite a while till you are serious about getting married.Im not talking about parents doing everything,Im talking about girls /boys who think it is time to settle down and then all those old theories go out the window.My hubby tells me,that when men are on the lookout for fun,they go for chick who are hip and out there,but when they want to settle down they wouldnt give a chick they loved dating even a second thought.Then they want a sati-savithri for a wife.

Men will want someone: who can cook,is independent mindwise(not clingy),clean,is good with people,is respectful of him,his life,his work,his folks,his family,someone who is understanding,forgiving,all in all,A woman that people will love and admire.

Women want someone : who earns well, who will be faithful,who will hover around her,who will listen to her,who loves her forever and who is supportive of her in every aspect.

In India ,eight noble virtues an ideal wife should have are summed up in the verse from Neethisaram.

"Karyeshu Dasi, Karaneshu Manthri; Bhojeshu Mata, Shayaneshu Rambha,

Roopeshu lakshmi, Kshamayeshu Dharitri, Satkarma Nari, Kuladharma Pathni".

We ,who have been married for a while,know that everything changes after marriage.Once that "romance phase " is over,looks will mean nothing,dressing up will mean nothing,all you have left is the core personality to begin living with.Tempers will fly around,compromises seem even more difficult to do,You begin to question your existing life and these are all precursors,showing you reality has kicked in.

Every woman has to give up on a lot of herself in keeping her family sane.One cannot say,"Im the first woman to go through this."It took me years to be that woman who my husband appreciates,admires,depends on and most of all is happy with.Some "so called friends" did say to keep a firm hold over your husband,take the reins in your hand before you become the doormat.Very soon,I understood,being the hrash rider in the relationship would become the cause of the demise of an eternal friendship.I couldnt lose respect in his eyes,I wouldnt be able to live with myself.

Letting go of my pride and respecting and giving value to all that he likes has made this bond stronger and worthwhile.Its not a competition,The sooner you learn that,the happier one will always be.If I did things for him whole heartedly,he too would do the same,maybe more,for me.

I see many so many couples who want to prove they are better than their partner,in terms of salaries and everything else.They want to make a place for themselves in their own homes.Make place in each other's heart and mind.No matter how modern a man is : he wants to have a family,wants you to raise it in the best way possible,make a warm home which he is happy to come to and be a part of 24/7.He may not change diapers or clean,he wont help you out in general,he wont be lovey dovey all the time,So its all upto you.A woman's patience and heart is beyond bounds.Thats why she will land up doing a little more than her husband for her family,for her home.

What are the most important traits in a good wife?

2011-10-08T13:07:00.000+03:00

What traits do men value most in a good wife?

Comments :

Ms. GTO

Most guys want a lady in the streets, Betty friggin’ Crocker in the kitchen, and a freak in bed.

Marshal Jed Cooper

1. Forgiveness. she has an uncanny ability to forgive (not forget) but forgive.

2. Patience I swear when it comes to dealing with me she is the most patient woman in the world.

3. Ability to look at her self – there are times that she is just being unreasonable, PMS whatever, I say to her honey you are being ridiculous and sometimes (if she is) she will just stop and say you know what you are right. End of fight/discussion. I love that.

sheloves_dablues

This will vary from person to person. Some men want thier wives to look good. Some want thier wives to be submissive.

Instead of focusing on what they might want, focus on what YOU are willing to offer. Don’t change to suit someone else – find the person that enhances who YOU are.

Sethasaurus Rex

Don’t expect any mature answers on here. My wife is worth more to me than cooking cleaning and sex.

Someone who marries for those reasons isn’t going to have a happy marriage, someone will suffer and it won’t work.

*. Bre Babe .*

I’m not a man but most men want another mommy.

phoster

the basic connection has to be there of course, and from there i find it just flows. when you connect you can talk and share with one another, and that leads to intimacy and affection, which leads to actions like sex and doing things for one another. it all kind of feeds into itself. i guess if i had to pick one thing to look for it would be the connection. you shouldnt have to force it. you should be able to spend hours together and never run out of things to say and do. that is the foundation to everything else.

mt75689

Quiet strength, wisdom, patience, loyalty, and a heart full of love.

bearsbullsfan

my ideal woman is empathetic, affectionate, caring, independent, funny, and organized.

James C

When I married I:

1. Made sure she was a Christian. Because if 2 people are unequally yoked there will be a lot of problems in your marriage.

2. A respectful wife. I want my wife now to respect me and love me for who I am. (Which she does)

3. Honest. My wife’s honesty is one of her best qualities…even when I don’t want to hear it.

Chelsey the Deer Hunter =)

my husband says ” she has to leave me alone!” lol he is so mean!!!

He is kidding, anyway my opinion is a good mother, friend, cook, understanding, housekeeper, hard worker, smart, healthy funny woman. that is just what i think, im old fashioned so i believe the woman should take care of the household duties while the husband makes the money. Just my opinion.

Shannon

Traits are heavily ingrained and might actually be impossible to change. With that in mind, it’s cruel to imagine her as better if her traits were different.

As traits go, I was looking for someone that is smart, care-free & fun-loving, a little witty, young-at-heart, and cute. My wife is all that and more.

2012soc

Great personality, looks, gives you lots of encouragement and quality time, sense of homor, romantic, and loves sex.

cyclonis69

Lol… Why is anyone concerned with someone being a “good wife”? How about being a “good person” and becoming the status of wife. That’s more important I think…

To any male, a “good wife” is obedient, loyal, and hard-working. That’s the typical sexist opinion…lol… Most people want that from everyone, don’t they?

So for someone to be labeled as a “good wife” they have to give up all of their inclinations of their own life, and become everything that this person wants them to be? Sounds more like slavery to me…

I think that if you are a good person, you will find someone who automatically thinks you’re a “good-wife”, regardless of what everyone else thinks…

A good wife is a “good wife”, because the person they’re married to absolutely loves everything about them! There is no specific list of characteristics. It’s all relative to each person. Literally… Beauty is in the eye of the beholder!

bigsurf81

Not to sound like a jerk, but she has to be into physical stuff. Sex is a huge part of marriage (probably the biggest aspect to a guy actually) and if you start pulling the “I’m tired”, or “I have a headache” deal, kiss your marriage goodbye. It’s not that we need it 5 times a day, it’s just something we’re programmed to do. I love my wife to death, but nothing sucks worse than having date night end with a cold shower.

You don’t have to look like a super-model, you don’t have to be a porn star, and you don’t have to fret over that extra bit of weight you put on. We love every ounce, but you have to show that you’re into him and keep him interested in you as well. Without that, you run into the problem of him cheating because he’s not getting taken care of at home. Sex is supposed to be fun and enjoyable for you both. Just relax and have fun with it!

Other traits: Honesty is huge. If you can’t trust your partner then there’s no point at all in getting married.

Having a sense of humor helps. Nothing sucks worse than hearing crickets when you crack a joke.

Selflessness is good to have when thinking about kids (if that’s your thing). Women are moms, so they have to be into all of that to put up with the demands of young children.

Being physically fit. Usually leads to a better self image and will keep you interested in him as well as him into you. Once again, you don’t have to be a track superstar, just feel good about the way you look.

Piggy

She should never nag, never complain and never feel sorry for herself.

Gregory

In my world traits of a good wife is respect and honesty. It is not rocket science. She must first respect herself. If she has no respect for herself, how can she respect others. Honesty is a sign of good moral character. Physical attractiveness should not be at the top of a man’s list when he start looking for a wife.

timmt

A wife who doesn’t insist she is right all the time. Loyal, honest, open minded, wants to give and receive attention physically and emotionally.

J. C. F

not demanding

understands me

wants more than sex

not a know it all

Christian (sorry but i always go to church and am a strong Christian)

Forgiving

Good sense of humor

laughs at mistakes

raises children loosly

Looks dont matter to ME
.......................................................................
Suzaan:

What I have to say about all this personally is..........A wife needs to be a good friend and the rest falls into place.

The romance of love.

2011-10-08T12:53:00.000+03:00

I watched this cute movie "500 days of Summer".

I was 14 years old and totally infatuated for the first time with this boy in the neighbourhood.He never spoke properly to me,ignored me and never gave me a second glance.I didnt understand what I felt ,all I knew was I blushed around him for some reason.I would sit by the beach and look at the moving river and if I happen to catch a glimpse of him,my heart would pound heavily but I kept saying to myself,this is wrong.Im too young for such sinful thoughts.So this was all I did,blush and look away ,scared that one day he would see me ogling.

I watched all these hindi movies where the girl and boy,played to hard to get and finally after some running around beautiful flowers,some dancing in the rain,some good deeds and faith,they fell in love and like all the love struck girls,I waited for my prince charming to come to my aid.

I always wanted a guy to fall in love with me first,give me flowers,take me out and be head over heels in love with me.I couldnt imagine any other way.Eventhough,it wasnt unusual for a girl to ask a boy out,I preferred being old-fashioned and not the modern crap about equality and going dutch at a restaurant.I prefer equality in terms of respect for one another,Consideration in matters big or small,not looking down on another and having faith in the decisions of life and matter.

I loved the feeling of falling in love.Not being in love but the falling part of it.The mornings seem to feel like full of love and you catch yourself smiling every now and then when you think of beautiful moments.Even the breeze on your face seems like a caress.You want to dress up and look good.Everyone around notices your joy and glow on your face and you love the world around you.You dont feel hungry,you dont get angry and nothing can get you low.I loved it all.I walked around with my headphones and mixed tapes even when I went out for walks.

Marriage can be a strong foundation but once you're through that phase,that falling in love becomes nothing more than a distant memory which you reminisce every now and then when you sit with friends or when you get together on that extra romantic time.I think its these very memories that make you step foward in your marital life and give you assurance and reminders that all what we worked for,has been this very moment in which you live.

Falling in love is a feeling not restricted to your partner or boyfriend,it extends to your children as well.They are a part of you,your legacy.How you are as a person,shapes their personality,makes them the people they are.To this very day,I remember how my dad teased my mom and how they laughed together.They fought like cats and dogs as well, so there are a little marrings to the wonderful memories.From this I learnt that I want to make good ,funny memories for ourselves.When I grow old,I want us to sit together and be thankful to God and each other for having had great lives.My husband finds it annoying as do all the men,that I keep saying I love you all the time.He goes like you are handing out free gifts or what ! So Im like,I feel like saying it,you have a problem,keep it to yourself.Now he chuckles saying you're nuts.

This may read surreal as we are living problematic lives with no time to spare,but think of it,at least for a good 10 minutes when you're free.If you arent happy,work on it little by little ,one day at a time, at loving life and seeing the positive part of it.Try to see the good in the situation coz everything happens for a reason.All the vying is not getting you anywhere,all that work in a relationship isnt getting you anywhere,all that self depriving,that anger....All your efforts arent fetching results....try looking at it in a different way,accept what is and see how you can improvise,in making it better.You only live once in this world and can never come back to change to relive it.Love your life and make others around love it too.For those who are already happy with it all,God bless.

Dangerous Jobs

2011-09-24T14:14:00.000+03:00

Maybe 2 years back,I was watching this program on some channel listing the top 10 difficult jobs in the world and was surprised to see that one of them was my hubby's profession as well.Even though my husband did tell me often how tough it could get and all,explained his stuff,I didnt give it much thought but when I saw it on Tv,I felt stupid coz i didnt understand it,proud that he excelled in something this difficult.

I have seen a man's face split open when a disc cutting metal flew off and buried into his face,I have seen shards of metal burn through uniforms,safety shoes,socks and embed within skin.I have seen it pulled out from his face.I have seen uniforms burn out and destroyed due to welding and what not....I have patches of salt so thick,due tp excessive sweating,you could scrape it off the uniform.I have seen him crawl into such tight spaces where you can expand just ur lungs in order to get to that vital part of wiring of the ship,trawlers,speedboats,etc...so that the boat would not have to be split wide open.I have seen arms cut off,I have seen legs cut off.I have seen him open a bolt which took an entire hour.

I have a total different respect for them and for all other jobs,thanks to discovery channels and what not,that give us an idea how certain jobs are done.

Dangerous Jobs

No. 1 : Thats the job of fishermen,the seamen...the ones who fish out crabs and tuna.They battle through the most extremes of weather and are on sea for 2 months at a time with no sleep,temperatures sometimes below -40 celsius.

•No. 2: The Timber Industry includes loggers, lumberjacks, and helpers. It held the Number One spot for many years with 92.4 deaths per 100,000 workers in 2006 - a decrease from 118 in 2002. In 2008, fatalities increased to 116 Deaths per 100,000 workers.

One of my pain-management patients was a timber cutter that had been sucked into a buzz saw. He was cut diagonally through the upper body from shoulder to hip and survived, in great pain, living on disability income. Others are hurt and killed by falls, trees falling on them, vehicular accidents, and in other ways.

•No. 3: The occupation of Farmer or Rancher became more deadily and dangerous in 2008.

•No. 4: Structural Iron and Steel Industry workers , with a slight decrease to 46/100,000 deaths. (In 2007, it was 76 deaths per 100,000 emplyees).

•No. 5 : Sanitation Workers or Garbage Collectors -- and Recyclers with 37 deaths/100,000 workers. Garbage Collectors and Professional Recyclers were not even in the Top 10 for 2002. These jobs have increased in numbers and have become more dangerous jobs.

•No. 2 : Aircraft work-related fatalities increased significantly in 2006, bringing Aircraft Pilots (82.2 deaths per 100,000) This number decreased to 72/100,000 in 2008 and Aircaft Pilots dropped to its current Number Six spot.

THE SECOND TOP 10 -- Numbers 11 to 20 in 2008

•Power Line Installer - 30/100,000

•Police Officer - 16/100,000

•Fireman(woman) - 7/100,000

•Oil and Gas Crew - 24 deaths/only 1 inujury/100,000

•Cement Makers - 13 deaths/3 injuries//100,00

•Taxi Drivers and Chauffeurs fell in the Top 20 Most Dangerous Jobs in 2007 to Number Sixteen in 2008 at 21 Deaths/1 injury//100,000.

•Nearly 50% of all work-related injuries happen amongTruck Drivers or Material Movers -truckers, step-van deliveries, forklifts, trash collectors, recyclers, cabbies, movers ("Two Men and a Truck"), chauffeurs. 22 deaths and 0.4 injuries//100,000 in 2008. This is a reduction out of the Top 10 for 2007.

•Constructor Equipment Operators - 16/100,000.

•Slaughterhouse - 2 deaths and 0.4 injury per 100,000. Read fast food antion for an eye-opening account in one chapter of the repeated injour and exploitation of one such worker.

•Security Guards - Increasing in danger at 8/100,000; more dangerous statistically than Police Officers

America Worst Jobs
If you think your job is bad, think twice... unless you've got one of the "worst" jobs in America today. It isn't much of a surprise that many of these low-rated jobs overlap with the most dangerous jobs. What's more, none have an annual salary above $40,000. JobsRated.com has released a comprehensive ranking of the worst occupations, based upon several key criteria, including salary, stress and physical demand. What are the ten worst jobs in the country?

10. Iron Worker

This job requires you to work with hot metal, usually at great heights and for little reward. The Bureau of Labor Statistics lists the median hourly income of Iron Workers below $20. Work can be irregular at times, because of bad weather, the short-term nature of construction jobs and economic downturns. Beware: This job category has the fourth-highest fatality rate in the country, at 61.0 deaths per 100,000 workers.

9. Roustabout

If you're not sure what a Roustabout is, you're probably not alone. A relatively specialized field, roustabouts perform maintenance on oil rigs and pipelines, using hand and power tools. The BLS expects the demand for roustabouts to decline slowly over the next decade. Median Salary: $29,000

8. Welder

The job of a welder involves melting metal joints together, usually behind a protective mask and visor to prevent serious injury. The BLS says only the top 10 percent of welders earn above $22.50 an hour.

7. Garbage Collector

No need to describe this one. Although wages vary significantly based upon experience and responsibilities, the BLS lists median hourly earnings at just $13.93. Garbage collectors also rank as the sixth deadliest job in America, with a fatality rate of 41.8 per 100,000 jobs.

6. Roofer

The BLS reports that most job openings in this field "arise from the need to replace those who leave the occupation because the work is hot, strenuous, and dirty, causing many people to switch to jobs in other construction trades." With a median hourly wage of $15.51, being a high-flying roofer is still near the bottom of the barrel.

5. Emergency Medical Technician

People's lives often depend on EMTs and other first responders, so they're on-call 24 hours a day, which tends to result in quite irregular hours. Although wages vary by region, median annual pay is $27,070, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics.

4. Seaman

A broad category, it includes boat workers and fishermen, who tend to spend long periods of time at sea in cramped circumstances and poor weather conditions. Fishermen also have the deadliest job in the country, with a 141.7 fatality rate per 100,000. Not the kind of odds most people would take for a median salary of $34,000 per year.

3. Taxi Driver

Although many taxi drivers and chauffeurs have extremely flexible schedules and generally work unsupervised, the job still ranks near the bottom. The BLS estimates there are approximately 229,000 jobs of this nature in the country. Although wages vary greatly based on location, type of company and amount of tips, the median hourly wage is $10.62.

2. Dairy Farmer

Raising cattle for milk production entails strenuous labor, long hours and poor working conditions, Various government estimates put net income at just over $15,000 a year. Wages do not include government subsidies and can vary with fluctuations in commodity prices and market demand.

1. Lumberjack

That's right, being a Lumberjack is the worst job in America, based upon the study by JobsRated.com. These workers spend all their time outdoors, in poor weather, and often in isolated areas. It's also the third most deadly occupation with a fatality rate of 82.1 per 100,000 jobs per year. Long hours, a high -stress environment, strenuous work and low pay - often starting at minimum wage, with a median hourly wage at $13.80 - all contribute to make this the #1 worst job in the country.

Visiting nightmares

2011-09-22T11:02:00.000+03:00

Have you been to this friend's home,and within half an hour of your visit wondered,"Why did I ever come here in the first place !" It happens to me once in a while and those casual visits are the worst moments I hate even thinking about.Usually,I tell my husband,can we just put it off,can we meet with them some other time?

You meet with these people,coz you have to and then after exchanging 'hi's' and 'hellos',and asking how are they and their entire family,you go quiet and wonder what do I say next? What topic can I start discussing before I turn into this smiling zombie saying yes and no ! It is the worst hour one can spend.I always imagine that boring people make the perfect suicide bombers.Drop them among a group of people you hate and then within the hour,you will see people dropping dead,one by one.

For a couple of years ,I would sit through it with this glaze on my eyes.It was like I could see them but my tongue and body was frozen.Nothing sensible would come out and before I realised so,I began yawning beyond control,that one tear would well up and sit in the corner of my eye and I would try hard not to blink,so that it didnt roll down my cheek.

What do say other than,"So,what else is new?" When people ask this question,its a done deal that this visit is becoming a sourpuss.When I have nothing to contribute,I switch to asking,how are the kids faring,or how are your folks back home and when Im done asking how each and everyone from one end to the very last standing grandma...I know this is it..!

Not that Im perfect.I can be boring too.When Im tired or ill,I cannot masquerade.But thats rarely.I cannot be the only person making an effort,ek haath se thali nahi bajthi,right ! So can no one save a one sided conversation.

I dont understand how can people be 'boring'.Over the years I have learnt a few tricks to avoid such sticky situations.I dont like sitting in a place,where the hosts are talking among themselves and all you can do is sit and wonder if they even live together coz its just now,they remember all these things to delight one another or remind each other.When I visit a friend's home,my husband and I go our separate ways.After my polite "how are you?" "Bhalo bhashi",huggin girlfriends and air kissing them thrice, We ladies move on to the kitchen or bedroom or wherever we can find a private space and begin within the daily doordarshan service.Amidst all the crazy children running around you,screaming "aunty aunty",we always can hear each other and continue talking in the noise.

The men can catch up with their yakking and so can we.I even have these signals or signs I tell my husband,that if you find me doing this,and you wanna leave as well,Move it ! After all these years,I know where my husband is comfortable or Im and where we aren't.If I know my hubby is having a good time while Im picking on my imaginary shotgun to shoot myself in the head,I dont bug him.I let him be and have fun.I can always take the bullet coz I know he will do the same for me.I used to be initially but am not now,that chipku wife.I know we have separate likes and dislikes and are respectful of both.Giving each other space is very important which every couple learns, over the years ,eventually.

My girlfriends are quite frank that we tell each other on the face that we are bored and to avoid torturous moments,we immediately set out to the beach or garden or malls or just about anywhere.We are at home day in and out,taking care of our families,cooking twice a day sometimes,cleaning,basically running the house 24/7,that one day of your weekend,is absolutely necessary to vent it out.

On an odd note,Reading the heading visiting nightmare,I watched this horror flick" Shutter" and AT 7am in the morning,I found myself scared to look into the mirror,thinking what if I saw that crazy Japanese chick !

Racing through life !

2011-09-21T18:03:00.000+03:00

As you grow into this world,we learn that ambition is very important.Striving to do more and expect more of life,an important characteristic of a person who will fare well in life.I was talking to someone and this topic just hit me.

That is the one thing I never was.My folks thought it was weird for me for not going paranoid searching for jobs and not crying over it.They thought,and many others did,that I had it easy coz my parents were supporting me while I was being jobless.What am I suppose to do if I hadnt got the job or didnt nail the interview? I was not the kind who cried and boohooed over stuff like this.As long as I dont have to resort to sleeping on the sidewalks or begging,I thought it was okay.I need not be crying.But people thought this was odd.WHy wasnt I going nuts,or being frustated or being depressed? I was young,marriage was not in the books and I just wanted to walk through it,calm and quiet and hoping it would eventually come to me.

I never give a second thought to money.If life becomes difficult,I will adjust,I can always do something about it.Ask any person in this world,money has not brought emotional happiness to anyone.One who has little,is working their butt of for more.One who has a lot,is still working to make more.Noone is happy in this world.It is human nature not to be happy with what we have.We always wish for a little more.Nothing isnt enough.We arent grateful or thankful for anything.Money makes life easy,money isnt life though.Im what my heart is,Im not what my clothes,cars and bank balance says.

I remember waking up at 6 in the morning,getting dressed,taking my qualifications in a folder and getting into a local bus and then on ,to the destined address for an interview.Sometimes i would change 2 buses,sometimes 3,walk in this heat,to a entirely new place,scared to the brink,where I would wait to be called upon for the interview.I had my share of struggle but didnt go beserk or found it heart breaking.Sometimes it was positive,but mostly,it was 'We will let you know in a couple of days'.

A year before this,I had gone through the worst unimaginable nightmare of anyone's life.I had nobody to count on except a couple of friends who stood by me throughout that long devastation.The lesson I learnt out of it all, was when things went bad,you can count only on yourself and you alone.And nothing is worth more in life than having peace of mind.Money is the last thing.So as long as I didnt have to move into the streets,I wouldnt go crying over something like failing a job interview or not finding "the job".

So many people,they go into depression and cry their eyes out.They feel useless and ruin not only their own minds but of everyone around.I remember going to church and standing in front of the grotto and asking God to give me a job,so my parents would get off my back and I could find peace of mind somewhere in all this mess.Everyone wants that great paying job,they struggle day in and out and work their asses off.And years go by and life comes to an end.I know one does have to work for their families, for a better lifestyle and prove themselves worthy in the eyes of everyone around them.I get that,I really do
Money,money,ruthba,bangla ,gaadi.......No sukoon,no life ! Simple as that.

When we got married,I was worried how will we make ends meet,how will we support my inlaws and their lifestyle and then our own homes.How ,how ,how??? To such an extent,that I couldnt sleep well at night and wondering about this future.In this mad race for saving for the future,My present was rushing away like those rapids of water.

What are we working for? To own a house,to send our children to wonderful schools,to wear branded clothes,to have cars,to eat great food at great restaurants,save something for when we are old and cant work anymore.Right ! Meanwhile,we have no time to take our kids out,we dont find time for each other,we have no time to have friends around,we are burned out all the time.Even when taking a vacation,we are counting the money,the days and for each and everything.We are still not at peace.

Im not saying why work like this...Im saying why not appreciate life as we make it along the way.Be happy with what is there in the present instead of burning out for the future.I have friends who own companies and they have struggle to spend a single day out to spend with their families.They usually talking over the phone with their clients even then,discussing jobs and cant wait to go home and catch up on some sleep ,so they can slog through their coming entire week.While I have some friends,who manage their home and business very well.The philosophy being,this time,this "now" will go by just once and never come back.They have realised that nothing was worth missing out on than seeing your family blossom in love.

I remember telling a friend,they are 5 now and will be just this once.Take all the love you can from them,coz once they grow out,you cannot run around asking for hugs and kisses.You will miss out on the very thing you work for and live for.

Havent you heard an elderly in your house say,"I have no idea how my life went? I worked and slogged all my life and cannot pin point a single joyous moment.Ahh! The time I had my babies ." Or they will pinpoint that moment when my children did this or that,when something bad happened or when someone died or when someone did this something special for me and of course the childhood.Their advice will always be,beta,dont go through life like a bullet train.Live your life,look at me..I dont know how it passed by! People never forget their childood.Why? Because they lived it with love and fun in their heart.They didnt compete for anything but just lived.

Im told by my brother,Im not very serious with life.Im living the life that I and trillion others wish for.So what if Im at the beach,if I want to slow dance and make my friends do the same with me and have a good laugh over it.So what if my niece says,I want to twirl like a princess in the middle of this happening mall,I tell her go ahead and do so.No one can stop you.So what if I want to sit on a merry go around and clap as Im riding my horse.I dont care if I look silly,I want to live in this" now" coz this wont come again tomorrow.I keep in touch with my friends regularly and we generally offer an outlet to each other's crazy pressure cooker life.Im depressed and I call my friends and brighten my day.Each of us are completely different by nature but we all understand,that good friends see beyond matching wavelengths and money or anything else.I dont want to fret myself silly over things,but I want to make this ride of life,easy on the legs and heart and mind.When Im bored,I cook,I call up my friends,speak to their kids.When im sad,I pray and know in my heart,God will guide me through it.f I do my hard work,I know the answer to it is just round the corner.

Live just once...live it well.

Good service - Hospitality

2011-09-13T17:44:00.000+03:00

When you go to a new country,out of the many things,one always wonders how hospitable people out here are.When people enter your household as guests,a certain code is followed.What is this code?

Someone put forward this question to me recently as to why when you visit someone,some go out of their way to welcome you.

Showing hospitality is showing respect to the people who grace your home.When someone comes home,its respectful to ask for water or something to drink .When I was newly married,the idea of inviting people over,brought so much stress and anxiety that I would be all nervous and clenched up.Though my husband helped me out with cooking and guiding me through it (coz ,I had not learnt any cooking at all)I felt strung out,wondering what will they say about me,my food and my manners.I insisted they would keep it very simple when we came over.

Thanks to my husband,over the years,I have changed my thinking and attitude.Instead of thinking someone was showing off how good they were,I learnt it was all about showing love,giving respect and actually potraying what you have learnt over the years on your own and from your family.

My mom was an excellent hostess.She cooked these absolutely to die for meals ,especially when we entertained friends.She put out the best chinaware,she cooked what she thought people would immediately dive into and was calm and poised eventhough she had been slogging for hours.I used to wonder why? But as a wife,now I know.

When Im at a good friend's place or when they drop by,even when we are on our own,we make it a point to serve tea and snacks before sitting down to catch up on gossip.IF not some cold drinks and whatever can be served as hor d'ourves.I find this a gracious act and feel Im welcome.

In many cultures,having guests and entertaining them is a great deal.The well known hospitable people in the world are the pathans.The saying "Athithi devo bhava" is self explanatory as to how even in Indian culture,we are to respect our guests,honour their presence and make the bonds strong by being generous and kind.Even the arabs are well known for their hospitality bestowed on anyone entering their homes.MAking someone feel as if they were a part of their home is the common idealogy behind it all.

It shows what kind of a person we basically are.How well we treat our guests,reflects on the kind of person we are.It is a highly admired virtue to have.It took me years to change my concept of thinking and for some well received advice from various aunties and good friends.

Of course,they are times,when people take advantage of your generosity.It has happened to me several times but even then ,I dont mind unless it becomes too obvious to ignore.Then I let go of my kind side and 'I shall not divulge on my secret here'.My husband doesnt approve of it at all but kabhi maza chakana bhi ,mazedaar hota hai.

What is the definition of beauty ???

2011-09-13T01:50:00.001+03:00

An eternal query since time itself.Everything has to be labeled.This kid is cute,his wife is gorgeous,her husband is yummy,this actor is sexy,that actress exudes hotness in all glory and what not !

We are obsessed with beauty,no matter,how much we say,I aint into all this ,Im simple and blah blah...but secretly we are.We always want to look good,we always stare at the mirror to see if we have become fairer or blemish free or pimple filled or dark,etc the list goes on.If you thought Im not self obsessed,wrong ! We are.So this got me researching online a bit about what was the ideal definition of beauty various cultures.

The western world is obsessed with tanned skin,brown skin.Look at the way they go these tanning parlours and get spray tans whic actually look abnormal.An american woman asked my mom long back,"How can I get colour like yours." To which My mom said," try applying coconut oil when going out and sit in the SUn.

PAle skin,like today,was considered to be a fad among higher class.Because tanned skin or dark skin meant,people who are farmers,people who had to slog to make a living.Hmmm........

We out here will go to any lengths to get fair or even paler and they want to have sun kissed colour like ours.The array of tanning oils I see in the market to get copperish tones or bronzer shades,My! they buy bottles of them,apply and go to the beach in swimwear ,ready to get baked in the sun.While we apply,fairness creams and face washes,milk and what not to get "whiter".

Present day concept of beauty - Size zero,Pouty lips,big eyes,hour glass figure,good ass(no ass is out of fashion),any colour hair but black,nude lipsticks,pink cheeks,big bust,long waist,etc.Before people were divided into 2 plain categories - fat or thin.Now you have waif -like,slender,thin,perfect,overweight,chubby,obese,morbidly obese,side fat,back fat,tummy fat, thigh fat,cellulite,cankles,the list goes on and on.

So I decided to check out topics here and thereand see what beauty meant back then and where we are going now.

The first thing I came across was this waist to hip ratio(WHR).This value is calculated by dividing the waist circumference by the hip circumference.Example: 63 cm of waist circumference by 90 cm of hip circumference whiche makes 0.7.It does not matter whether a person is fat or slender, the ideal relation should approximate 0.7.According to theory the middle figure with a WHR of 0.7 should be most attractive.

Then I kept the keyboard aside and went digging for my measuring tape and the result werent very appealing.Im a 0.8+,and this means I have no attractiveness.Boohoo ! In spite of their different weight classes the beauty icons Marilyn Monroe, Sophia Loren and Kate Moss, all had at least one thing in common - a WHR of about 0.7.

In the 18th century Im guessing,being fat was a status symbol. I mean a chubby person meant a girl from a rich background.I would have loved to be a part of that society,I would have been the Naomi Campbell of those times.

In the late 1400s,small breasts were ideal and today,dont ask...the size which a human skeleton cannot uphold, is the fad.

In the west,in 1920s,boylike figure was considered beautiful and then in the 1950s,a tiny waist came into fashion.I think in India a full figure has always been a sign of beauty until recent times.Thanks to KAreena Kapoor and Katrina KAif,who promote such stick like figures.

From the 16-th century a tight waist was stressed by the fashion. The corsage was invented and allowed the so-called "wasp's waist" by stringing the corsage tightly. It was followed by the corset, which remained in vogue till late 19-th century. The corsets came in to promote an hour glass figure.

I personally think that Sridevi in her hay days,Sonali bendre,Shilpa shetty,Zeenat Aman,they have good full figures.Indian literature has very rare description of what beauty was back then,they rather describe a woman with Large hips, thin waists, breasts of large size and globular in shape, and lotus petal eyes to be the ideal concept of beauty.The poets of South India give us some details like 'skin like gold', and 'the darkness of black full tresses', as well as the make up that produced 'black-rimmed eyes' and a 'mouth red as coral.The same colours appear in the cave paintings of sites like Ajanta.

A poem goes describing a beautiful woman as :

A face to rival the moon,

Eyes that make mockery of lotuses,

Complexion eclipsing gold's lustre,

Thick tresses that shame the black bee,

Breasts like elephant's swelling temples,

Heavy hips,

A voice enchanting and soft -

The adornment in maidens is natural

The Shringarashata of Bhartihari.

Corsetting back then literally damaged the woman 's body coz they restricted the organs within the frame of the corset.Breathing was impaired and I think it was ridiculous as women were forced to obsess over it to maintain the fashion standards of their times.The test is not a fair test as women did not simply lace immediately to a 16 inch waist, they trained the waist over a period of years.I had a 16 inch waist when I was 8 years old.Over 2 years a 22 inch waist can be gradually reduced to a handspan by gradual increments of the lacing. It would take about a year of not wearing a corset for the internal organs to settle back to the natural position. But back they would go.

Recent medical examinations of females corseted today in actual Victorian corsets show how the women had no energy and lacked breath when given lung tests. Once the corset was undone the women felt energised again. Corseting has existed for thousands of years. The first recorded corset came from Crete.

Ancient chinese considered extremely thin,almost sickly looking women beautiful with feet bound to appear tiny or baby like.OOuch !

But later they changed their concept to voluptous women looking beautiful.

Even In Japan,long faces ,thin eyes and protuding chins were considered beautiful in their ancient times and later on it too,changed to healthy buxom women.All this makes some question how there can be such different standards in society concerning women’s beauty. Women tend to find themselves in a trap that makes them eager to fit themselves into the mould of ‘the beautiful woman’—a standard set by the social trends of the time.

In different cultures, parts of the body may be purposefully exaggerated in the name of beauty, the effects of which might even seem grotesque to those of another culture. For example, various tribes throughout the world use different methods to lengthen necks, exaggerate mouths, ears and even the shape of the head.

Have you ever seen pictures of the Ancient Egyptians, with their painted faces? They look very striking, don’t they? Very classic. And that was the intent. It was extremely important to them that they looked and smelled good, because the old expression “cleanliness is next to Godliness” is that old – they believed it very strongly.

The Egyptians were very spiritual people, and believed their appearance was directly related to their level of spirituality. And so they needed to find ways to make themselves look at least presentable, if not fabulous.

Cosmetics the Ancient Egyptians used were eye makeup, face creams and body oils, as well as a wide array of perfumes and fragrances.

Well, it’s the old story of “necessity is the mother of invention”. Because there was so much emphasis on looking good, Egyptian women had to find a way to do it. And one of the things they came up with was something called mesdemet.

Mesdemet was made of copper and lead ore – not the safest thing to be constantly putting on your face, but it did the job. They applied green to their lower eyelids, then black or dark gray to their eyelashes and upper eyelids. And keeping with their spiritual beliefs, the dark colors were designed not only to enhance their appearance, but to ward off evil eyes.

Now how’s this for a combination: burnt almonds, oxidized copper, a couple of different-colored copper ores, lead, ash, and ochre. They called it kohl, and it came out as a dark-colored powder, which was applied with a small stick, on and around the eyes, in an almond shape. Then, to complement the fancy eye makeup, they applied a mixture of red clay and water to their lips and cheeks. And the nails weren’t left out, either. They used henna to dye them orange or yellow. Quite a colorful picture, don’t you think? But that’s exactly what they wanted back then – something like today, perhaps?

As time progressed, through invasions and migrations, cultures merged, and that had a profound effect on the value of cosmetics.The Greeks adopted this cosmetic knowledge and made it their own.But their use of cosmetics was predominantly for pleasing each other.Then the Romans came in and they too adopted these cosmetic practices for themselves to such an extent that a woman without makeup was,like food without salt.The Romans’ lifestyle definitely had no boundaries, and that included the source of their cosmetics. For example, they used fat from a sheep, mixed with blood, for nail polish.

Thats all I can search and write about.Its been interesting to know that trying to appear beautiful has been an oldest tradition of all.

Birthday entry

2011-09-05T16:35:00.000+03:00

4/9/2011

Kuwait.

I turned 34 today and a year more and I will have lived half of my life.Very strange to have had 34 birthdays upto now.I still remember my 17 birthday,like it was yesterday. I celebrated at my hostel with my room mates.

How was my birthday,you ask?

Well,I was wished by many of my friends on facebook and it did make me feel very happy within.EVen though some might say,friends who are only online are not real friends,I dont think thats completely true.SOmeone has taken the time to wish you,means they think of you somewhere in their mind ,even if its for a single moment.

Some of my family wished me and that truly made my day.To be greeted by my own,makes you feel important and wanted,a feeling everyone wants,no matter what.

My husband brought me flowers and sweets and it literally lighted some fire crackers within my heart.My brother and sister inlaw ,made a point to come and wish me and it truly touched my heart.My sister wished me and bought me presents 2 days ago and that made me happy and I havent stopped smiling since then.

I would like to thank God for being my eternal guide.He has blessed me in so many ways,that thanking everyday isnt all enough.I pray to God,that he binds my family together,gives us peace of mind,prosperity and happiness.May we be happy with what we have and not ruin our life wanting that extra more all the time.For everything he has given us,Thank you God.Forgive our sins and help us be good human beings,to be helpful,to be kind,to be generous,respectful of everyone and hings we have in our life.

Since the past one year,I have grown older,I have stopped giving tutions,I literally fell gravely ill and came out of it in one piece and more appreciative for this gift of life.I had a vacation and met my Inlaws and family and friends.I spent good time with friends,cooked a little more,entertained a little more,loved a little more.I clicked a lot of pictures and made many memories.I still am head over heels in love with my husband,Mehmood 9+ years later.My sister introduced the newest member to our family,my nephew Nathan.My brother got married and introduced us to another important member of my family,Joyce.I had good times and bad and enjoyed both of them with my heart and soul.I made people smile,made people happy and in return was blessed by all.

Today I listened to many many songs -Tamil,english and hindi.Danced a little in my apartment,decorated my hair with flowers and danced in front of the mirror.I was hugged and kissed and embraced and it all felt right and joyous.

I had a good time so far.Al Hamdullilah and thank you God for everything.

Crazy Ramblings !

2011-09-04T01:06:00.003+03:00

Its been a while since I came online,No while writing this blog,I actually havent been online either.It will be a couple of days before I do so.

Eid al Fitr has come to an end and I have had the busiest weeks ever.Entertaining friends all the way through.Am exhausted,was hoping to catch up on some sleep but then after another phone call,we had to wake up and be ready for friend to come over.And by the time,we bid Ta-tas and Bye byes,the day had come to an end.

Its been defintely a week since I visited facebook and checked any of my emails.Makes me realise how dependent Im on this internet.Im clearly addicted.A bad sign of a jobless person,a sign of ample free time or a sign of having some sort of company no matter what time -day or night.

There are so many blogs to read and so many things to pass judgement and comment on and I am just not able to.Waiting to hook up to some DSL connection but just havent found the time.

So Im sorry if anyone is wondering,why doesnt she read them or why havent we heard from her.I have been so darn busy entertaining guests literally the entire week with no break.Tired,exhausted,cooked a lot,washed a lot and finally done with it all.

One of the most wonderful visits have been one from my sister.A surprise viist on her own with my one and only nephew.I couldnt get enough of him and I kissed him and hugged him like there was no tomorrow.To see your own brother or sister's kids,wow ! Its such a wonderful feeling.To have them love you back,is such a breath taking feeling.Its like nourishment to your soul,to receive such worthiness,such love.

Isnt it,there can be nothing better than the drug of being loved.It can cure you of illness,it can make you feel free and attached all at the same time.................

And the sweets.The tradition of giving sweets in all forms during these occassions.What can I say? Its been showering chocolates,cakes and doughnuts.My gosh...I think i can poop and pee sugar for the coming fortnight.Its like I can feel whipped cream and jellies and nuts and OMG......Its super pumping my heart.I think its a good thing to do,when you visit someone for the first time,its better to bring some bounty.I mean like cakes or sweets.Never go empty handed to meet someone or when you have been invited for the first time or when like eid ka chand,you visit a freind or relative,once in a while.My parents used to do it and now my husband and I do so.If not sweets,take dome deli items..like puffs or o'douvres( not sure of the spelling).

I think Im gonna be sick..I feel some whipped cream brimming on the top layer of my tummy.That means I had a little too much.Day before,I was puking my heart out coz some BBQ meat n chicken didnt get along too well with my tummy.I have a tough tummy but my medications for my various bimariyaas,compromises the steel layer within.

Just watched the "Falak pe" song from "TAshan".How skinny does this woman get? Size zero.Is that even a legal dress size? ...it seems unappealing to me...how do the guys feel? My hubby didnt find her appealing ...if you wondered ask your hubby ! I think A little chubby woman is far more sexy.Jalebi bai......jalebi bai.....

Back to listening to songs again...The whole of ramadan ,I tried to refrain from listening to them as less as I can.But now Im lovin' it.It makes me feel joyous and I go footloose.Music is like a drug...why go on hashish or whatever the name is,when you can close your eyes and forget every God damn thing that is out there to ruin your peace of mind.It calms me when my mind is uneasy,when Im sad,when Im happy.I miss dancing,not that I have completely quit..but ye dil,KAmbakht jaldi thaka deta hai.I love when someone gives me company.Why is there an age to do everything? Common dialogue - " Ye koi umar hai? ","kya tum abhi bachi ho ye karne ke liye?" or like my brother puts it," Stop dancing like an ass at every tune that hits your elephant ears".

"Aane wale pal ek sapna hai" from Phir teri kahani yaad ayi.You should listen to this song.It one of my romantic favourites.It a beautiful song.Whn I listen to this song,I go back to this place.Im 20 yrs old again,Im walking along panambur beach in mangalore just half an hour before sun begins to sunset.Im in a black dress,have long hair,have anklets and with a boyfriend.You would imagine Im reminiscing some past memory,Im not.HAd a boycut,had no boyfriend and had been to the beach with my girlfriends in the peak afternoon sun for a swim, after bunking chem classes, and had not heard this song back then.But this daydream sets in everytime I listen to this song.I dont think the movie has this sequence either.Some songs when I listen,I imagine myself in the monsoon in a garden.Im a romantic,yes...A nutcase,totally...A daydreamer,always.

Reminds me of this english flick I once saw long time back.There is a new technology introduced that a person can go into alternate reality ,to get away from the day's trouble.A fantasy vacation in your own mind.It was a flop but I loved the idea.

A silly attempt of a poem

2011-09-04T01:03:00.004+03:00

Like the cactus in the desert

So am I in this world,

In the confusion of this day to day life

I stand ,steadfast and rooted to my ground.

The storms may come,

the sands may cloud you

but with what I have

I deal this moment of time,

holding on to what i've got

but never stopping to look after myself,

I may chip off...

I may break a branch or two,

I may be cut down

or I may not be self-sufficient

But never will I stop living,

Im here for a purpose,

For someone or just be on my own,

nonetheless Im here

and I shall make every moment count!

We are born into this world for a reason and not because it just had to happen.One must never give up on one's purpose of existence.If you arent bound to anyone and are on your own,doesnt mean life has given up on you.You could be that single person,you could be that divorcee,you could be an orphan or you could be married,single mom or anything.Even in the sea of people around you,one can feel as hopeless and without aim.We dont realise that a single good deed we do unto others,maybe paying it forward in ways most wonderful.A simple smile or a touch or pat or words of love,can make someone's day most pleasant,even we can never imagine it.Some of us do,and some just dont want to spare that little time.Help that old person on the street,give to that poor person if you can spare,give a small chocolate to the child working at the hotel or shop,etc. Life is not meant to be easy and smooth coz if it were,we all would have been bored and tired of it.We are to live with challenges,we are to live through drastic changes,you could be a teacher,you could be a cook,you could be a waiter ,you could be anything.....you are making it better for someone else.

Heart of a House !

2011-09-04T01:02:00.004+03:00

I recently came across this saying on a cooking channel and it goes like this : "The Kitchen is the heart of the house".Many would wonder if the bedroom was the deal breaker but it isnt.

There in the kitchen is the woman who has slogged her major part of the day whipping up food,a way,I think personally, to anyone's heart.A handful of my memories are of the wonderful food I have had at people's home and my own.My mom made the most amazing chicken stew and the thought of her dish,still makes me drool.The chicken was cooked just right and stew was just light and amazing,with the hint of acidic tomato and fresh coriander.The spices were right,the flavours were right on and the chicken fell apart in your hand and mouth.

Coming to think of it,there in the kitchen lies this woman,who may or may not be a housewife,but nonetheless,still enters it with great enthusiasm and will, to whip something for her loved ones.She knows she will be feeding her babies and husband.She knows they all are waiting on the edge of their seat,hoping to chow something thats tasty and that which will bring them great comfort and satisfaction.

My dad,always wanted one vegetarian and one non vegetarian dish for dinner always.He always insisted that the whole family sat down to eat and had a good time.It was usually a time where taddle tales like my brother and sister,had something to taddle about and get all of us in trouble.It was time when some main problems were discussed,the day spent was discussed,where homework to be done was discussed,when results and grades were discussed,where how tiring the entire day had been was discussed and what were the highlights of the next days to come were discussed.

My husband is an excellent cook ,but to win his heart and tummy ,I always try to be better than him.I love the fact that he wont eat out coz he will come home,so tired ,exhausted and when I serve him his meals,and only when he loves it,he will smile and feel better and satisfied.I know he feels happy knowing back home ,someone is waiting,to feed him and love him.Isnt that what home is all about?

My mom was a damn good cook and not only us,I remember,guests always praising her food and that was like petrol to her,coz then onwards, she kept going and going,whilst entertaining guests.I was so fascinated by her coz at any weekend party,she prepared around 6 different dishes.It was not something she complained about,it was her passion.I would think,"Yes,I want to be like he".I want people to rather look forward to dining at my house.People made an excuse to come over and we kids,just loved it.We loved being loved by our guests and showered by choclates boxes.But mostly it was eating my mom's potato minced mutton cutlets.AAAAAAAAAAhhh!

SO when I think of it,in the kitchen lies this woman,who isnt looking for praises or any applaud.There in the kitchen is this woman,who cooks for her family with all the love she can.Its just not the way to a man's heart,food is the way into anyone's heart,be it old and young.

Gao ka life !

2011-08-24T01:37:00.001+03:00

How would life be in the old days? Now Im not gonna go back millions of years
ago.We have enough movies to prove that us and dinosaurs just dont go well.Im
talking about 100 of years ago.I wouldnt even say when the british ruled us,coz my
grandma was born during that phase and she never once in her life,told me about
seeing any gora.It was just her,the deep thick jungle she lived within all her life,her
husband and 5 kids,her fields and animals she tended to ,till the very last day of her
life.(May God bless her soul)

Unlike my parents ,for that matter,just about all of us,I never heard my granny
say,she had it tough.The only life she knew was hers and that around her and I think
,she always thought life couldnt get better than what she was living.I always
imagined what it was to have lived in the past.We live a damn good life now and Im
very thankful for it always.Its a pretty easy life both on the eyes and body.

We found it very hard to live at our granny's place,there was the eternal toilet
problem.Even though my granny never understood,what our problem was,there were
acres of land to do our business unlike sit in an enclosed room with a hole in the
center.I still remember,when my folks bought the flat in the city and I moved out
from the hostel into it,my granny was asked to move in with us.Mission was to be
able to care for her than taking 2 hours of journey in her village to visit her.The day
she came in to stay,she looked at our squeaky white hall and bathrooms and
bedrooms and she was like,it feels so small and closed.She stayed for 2 days and
asked my dad to drop her back in her village.Even though we explained to her,she
didnt have to do anything but sit back and enjoy and everything would be done for
her,she just didnt like it.She refused to use the bathroom.

I didnt get it but what if we were to stay at her place.Waking up to the damn cock

going mad on the rooftop,being able to hear all those birds chirping away in the

morning.Then its off the the well,where water had to be pulled out for brushing and
washing our face.Then its off to the forest to find the one spot,where in,you had to
make sure,someone else wasnt parking to do their business or where one couldnt be
spotted in the midst of one's ahem ahem difficult chores.Then to come home to
breakfast which means everything made of rice.It took a while to make it and eating
something so heavy....we eat 2 toasts for breakfast and maybe an egg.They look at
this and wonder,if we are facing financial troubles for not putting well made meals
on the table.

Eventhough its all organic,but baba,we arent used to this.We maybe twice the size

of a south indian person but we eat way less.I always felt like a giant walking amidst

my cousins and relatives back when I was in India.Maha thanks to them,not a single
day went by,when I wasnt asked,what kind of food do you actually eat out there
which makes you puff up this way.Have you considered not eating? And I would think
in my mind,why not be tied to a tree and left to starve instead and I was 68kgs at
5.3.Living in the village meant being constantly on your feet,doing work the whole
damn day,you never have time for anything and by the time,its all over,you have
deflated every muscle in your body.

The whole time I was around,I sat under trees or besides fields and imagined being
Sridevi in Justice Chaudhry.It was weird - no TV,no radio,nothing.I thought ,wow,my
granny did all for almost 75 years of life and never ever complained.

At my place,Im like,damn the telly,doesnt have a good programme,or I need this and
that every second of the day.Im wishing I had tons of cash to spend on selfish
self,wagera wagera....I mean I aint all content sometimes.It took a woman to do so
much back then.Imagine living a life like that,working the whole day,helping your
husband out,your inlaws out,living in a joint family,cooking,cleaning and raising kids
on your own.I always tell,many women say this,that the generation before them had
it hard and bent forward and back to make life going.

When I watch these nat geo channels where they show making fire or cooking a meal
over it and then gathering wood and on on,it goes on for hours and one cannot afford
to take a break,fearing it will put other things on the list on waiting.I dont know if it
were fair to say that we have it very easy.Everyone in he family is working now,things
are getting way to expensive,life sometimes seems unaffordable coz now we know if
we struggle that bit more,we can earn more and have the fantasy life we always
wanted...bangla ,gaddi,sona,angrezi school for our kids,foriegn de chaddi waddi,that
4 star hotel and what not,isnt it ! People back did whta they thought was best ,as
are we,who are doing the best of our capable selves to buy the best life can offer us
in this lifetime.

When i visited family in villages back then,I thought everything looked like a museum
item.The chakkis and stone mortar pestels and blah blah blah.....Very soon,it will be
displayed in museums as things of the past.I dont find that even a bit starnge to
imagine this happening to our aane wale peedi.Arey,really yaar,my great grandma
lived in kuwait ,in a teeny apartment and used a hand mixie to juice and grind
stuff.See those cars,eeyuck ! how must have my amma managed in that dabba car of
theirs ! See people back then had no mandey(brains)|,they destroyed every forest and
animals.No ,I think with extinct animals,like polar bears and many other species,they
will be like,"AAhh ! really your great Ajji saw them,when was this,millions of years
ago !" Thank gosh ,I wont be alive to hear that im a gazillion years old from
someone.

I looked at my mom as a kid and I thought,whats so difficult about their life,but now
as a wife and all,I know,life isnt very easy.Im grateful to that,thank gosh it isnt very
easy,otherwise none of us would have any kader(respect) for this lifetime we have been
given.My granny had it even more hard than her and the list goes on.

Im glad not to be born in the time when swords and beheading and chopping off parts for this and that were used.This is a good life,and before God begins to think,Im a nashukri ( Unthankful),better stop at this and say,Thank you God,Im glad to be around now.

Freedom from fuel hikes

2011-08-17T17:12:00.001+03:00

I just get on the main street and its like im in an ocean of cars,buses,bikes and what not.What would generally take minutes ,takes ours.Everyone owns a a mode of transport,some for pleasure ,some for daily use .Its a more of a social status symbol now.But with this,comes the problem of setting money aside for fuel as well be it diesel or petrol or CNG or electricity.Every one of these things cost a little of the fortune we work so hard for every month.ANd now the sheer excess of vehicles has led to fuel price hikes which has become difficult to wonder if this "social status" is a boon or a bane.

What are we to do about these prices? We actually cannot do anything as there are a few countries with access to these precious oils that we so badly need.The more demand one thing becomes,the more expensive its bound to be in times to come,just like how gold has become now.

We can think of alternatives but they too in time will become expensive.We can think of using solar energy panels,they are in use but still in the experimental phase.We can use biofuels in some forms,even the wasted grease from all the cooking in hotels has been known to be used to cars to run them.All these above mentioned things are still in the beginning stage and are still to be accepted and mass produced to lessen the burden of going broke slowly by slowly.

Governments should be more stress on their scientists to build of inventive form of fuel for our cars.We can think of using electricity on a larger platform to run our vehicles but for this,electricity will have to be made cheap.Since we have nuclear plants in India,why not think of making electricity more efficient for many of our uses.

The humble cycle can come back into fashion again.If the work place is within reasonable city limits,one can start cycling and thus acheiving 2 goals,one being lessening pollution and second being,making it a bit easier on the pockets.

We can be more conservative over our fuel use by using our cars for long distance travels or for that matter,using these expensive fuels only in needful times.We can teach ourself to be more economical .But these alternative fuels,Im guessing, have their own disadvantages or else they would have been in common use today.Scientists are doing their best in inventing the best affordable biofuel but it will take time and till then one will have to live these increasing prices.

Since the fuel industry is a very profitable industry,with the increase in demand,the prices will not go down in the near future and so,as a nation ,one must think of more green solutions which will ease our life and help in protecting the environment for our future generations.

http://fiat-india.com/upgrade_to_multijet.aspx?partner=id8&cat=upgrade&city=null&event=null&src=yahoo&det=112,fiat,300x250,fl,max

This website explains to you how you can be green friendly with your cars.

Smelly Tongue

2011-08-17T00:00:00.000+03:00

If you're reading this,then you are wondering how on earth can a tongue be smelly,was someone sucking on it or taking a whiff.

Nah! Im not going all kinky on this blog coz it aint my style,but before I go to actually stating why I chose this topic,let me continue to fill this blog to make it appear lengthier,like its been really thought on.Im just writing as I blab in my mind.

Many of us have bad breath and the cosmetic and gum industry has worked pretty hard on solving this issue.Some smoke too much,some dont brush enough,some eat crap before meeting someone,some stomach give burps enough to send chills down your spine.

Spoken to anyone who has halitosis? If you havent,please dont try.You will hurt someone's feeling or just plainly throw up.I once had this unwanted pleasure at a wedding.I dont think the poor woman even knew she had breath enough to make someone faint.I put on the bravest face without clenching it,spoke to her for 10 minutes and only after she left,went out and took a deep breath.I had practically held my breath.

Now the reasons for this are not brushing enough and properly,not flossing,not rinsing mouth after any meal,smoking too much,not cleaning tongue or gargling crap out your mouth.

If you're doing all this and it still stinks ,perhaps you have some dental problem.Dont know anything about that,maybe some rotten tooth or decay or really dont know.

Out of the many rememdies for this,the best they said was - munching on fennel seeds served after a meal at indian restaurants and then mint chewing gum.Go for sugar free gum coz incase you have a problem with sweets,sugar free are a great option.The scientists said that chewing on coriander or mint leaves didnt do the trick or even green tea for that matter.

Now the fun part of learning how bad your own breath is ,without putting anyone else through that torture of smelling your mouth,is...

Stick your tongue out completely.

Now the back of your arm,wrist,press it against the tongue as hard as you can.

Let it air dry a bit for a few seconds.

Now enjoy smelling it.

Thats your breath,thats what others smell when you talk to them.

Have a good dental clean up !

Vegetable soup

2011-08-14T16:07:00.002+03:00

Things one should do firstly ,before cooking,in order to save time and not lose one's cool.

This serves around 3 people or 2 or more ,depends on the appetite and hunger.

3 Carrots shredded finely

quarter of a cabbage shredded finely

green beans,around 25 or 20 should suffice

2 medium sized onions chopped fine(cut lengthwise and then the lengths cut again)

Garlic paste 3 pods

1 inch ginger grated fine

2 springonions roughly chopped for garnish

2tbspn coriander chopped for garnish

2 tbspn soya sauce

2tbspn vinegar

2inches of capsicum thinly sliced

At least a liter of chicken /vegetable stock,if not plain water.

2tbspn cornflour mixed with water to make watery paste.

In a wok or any deep vessel,add oil about 3 tbspn.Non stick works great actually with little oil coz other vessels,the stuff sticks at the bottom.If its non stick,one has to make sure to keep stirring to avoid its sticking to the base.

Add the onions,saute them,followed by garlic ,ginger.When they are slightly light golden brown,add carrot,beans .

The carrots are shredded,so cook faster.You want a little crunch and not entirely softened.Add cabbage.Check your veggies.

Add soya sauce,stir fry and add stock /water.Stock is much better though.With water the taste is just a notch down,I mean lighter.

Bring a boil,add capsicum.You can add sliced mushrooms too when you add cabbage.Thats if you like.

Add 2 tbspn of cornflour paste.

Add salt to taste and vinegar.

Before adding the stock,you can add boiled chicken breasts shredded.Or chicken meat,boiled and shredded into it.

It will be slightly thick now.Bring another boil and thats it.

GArnish in a bowl with spring onions and coriander leaves.

Its healthy and nice.Chao !

100 things about me !

2011-08-13T19:28:00.002+03:00

1) I dont like drinking plain milk and I rarely do on instuctions of a
    doctor,by pinching on my nose and in one gulp.

2) Im claustrophobic,any closed small place sends me into a full blown
    panic attack.

3) If I eat too many (2 eggs/day)eggs,mangoes and jackfruits,I get a
   nosebleed after 3 days.

4) Im addicted to tea/coffee (caffiene fix from them),in the past 4
   hours, I had 3 mugs of it.Normally I have upto 8 mugs.

5) I hate making chapathis at all cost,I have made them only twice in 33
    years.They never come out right but I just dread making them.

6) I walked 2.5 kms,in the midst of chest pains,not being able to
    breathe,pain in jaw and left arm, thinking I had severe gas only to
    discover I was on the verge of a major heart attack in the emergency
    room 3 days later.

7) It takes me years to trust someone.

8) I dont easily forgive and never ever forget.

9) I have a bad case of sweet tooth.

10) I love to wear flowers on my head and have only worn them 4 times
      in my life.

11) I dont have kids but I have bathed many of my friend's new borns
     ,fed them,put them to sleep,clean their poop and pee,put a crying baby
     to sleep,inserted tablets in their tiny bums,put up with a gassy
     baby,changed their circumcised bandages,held their puke in my
     hands,been vomitted, peed and pooped on by them.

12) I have pulled water from wells,I have carried matkas on my waist to
     bring water from neighbours to my grannys.

13) I have brought cows home from grazing pastures,,I have gathered
     grass and hay from people's home for my cow and my neighbours,I have
     made cow dung cakes and gathered cow dung from meadows.

14) I have lit fire for home cooking,gathered wood and sticks for it.

15) I have washed clothes by the river on a stone and dried them by the
     beach.

16) I caught some kind of snake once and brought it home only to have
     my mom and granny scream their skulls off to throw it away.

17) I kicked my cousin bro hard in the nuts once coz he jokingly asked
      so .

18) I passed out along with a friend at a bachelorette party after 4
      shots of tequilla.

19) I hate being alone but have been alone a lot ...sometimes for
      days...I mean a hell of a lot.

20) I cannot have stay overs at anyone's place.I can stay at a hotel
      but not in someone's house.I stay awake the whole night,if I happen to
      be at someone's home.

21) I dont like fruit salads,chaats,burgers,pizza,potatoes (except
     french fries),etc.

22) I dont like being complimented to my face.I rather hear it in a
      conversation without any stress put on it.

23) I hate being pampered by anyone and only a very chosen few are
     allowed which includes mom,2 of my aunts and my husband.Even when    Im  at a hospital,I dont like people doing things for me and I discourage them
     by saying so.

24) I once ate this medication recommended by my doctor and with 3
     tablets in 3 days,I lost 40% of my hair over a month,lost a tiny bit of
     my eye sight and went gaga and chopped off 4 inches of my own hair
     myself.

25) I once didnt go to the doctor in time coz I was too busy and a
      month later,when I had full blown tonsillitis,chest infection,ear
      infection,couldnt hear,lost my voice,had fever and was taken to the
     hospital by my brother at 2am coz because of my full blown sinusitis,I
     was having severe head aches.I was on intravenous drip for 4 days in
     the hospital.

26) I have never watched a horror flick in my life alone.

27) I cried a lot, a lot......lotttttttttt after watching Artificial
     Intelligence.

28) The day I learnt one couldnt contract leprosy from a touch,I made
     it a point to give money to this leper,May God guide his soul,in his
     hand and touched him.Before that,like all,I just put money in his bowl.

29) As a kid,I ate chocolates every time ( I still do but less) and
      once ate 24 bars(4 inch long) in one shot.

30) I have taken a tanga ride twice in my life.

31) My sister and I took a train ride ,for me the first and last
      time,all the way to Goa and local train in mumbai.

32) I tied a rakhi on a friend only once in my life.

33) I brush twice a day without fail.

34) AT home,I always tie my hair up like Lara Croft.

35) I have never done a facial treatment,manicure or pedicure.

36) I started writing my diary in 11th std and still do but rarely.

37) I cut my first onion when I was 19.

38) I learnt cycling when I was 16 yrs old.

39) I learnt swimming when I was 20 yrs old.

40) I think Urmila matondkar,Shilpa shetty,Sri devi,JAya prada, Karisma
      Kapoor,Parveen Bhabi(had),Zeenat Aman have an amazing figure.

41) I wore my first pair of lens when I was 21 yrs old.

42) I started coloring my hair when I was 20 yrs old.

43) As a kid,I believed (for 2 yrs) I was a reincarnation of an
      egyptian queen and that some day,an alien ship would take me to my home planet where they awaited their queen's arrival.

44) I have watched only 4 black and white hindi movies.

45) I have always found Govinda's movies to be hilarious.

46) I enjoy cooking most of the time and especially for my husband.

47) I love masala dosa very very much.

48) I dont know how to eat a small thorny fish and havent eaten one in
     my entire life.

49) I love the beach and can sit for hours in a good weather.

50) I have eaten pork,mutton,goat meat,beef,camel meat,rabbit
      meat,turkey,hen,cock meat,quail meat, crab, prawns/shrimps, lobsters, most kinds of big n medium fish( I know names in arabic) and tortoise meat.

51) Im extremely organised.

52) Im not fashion or brand conscious,I wear what I like.

53) I have always been good with kids.

54) I have never worn sleeveless(outside) or a bikini,or a
       strapless,short shorts or a micro mini.

55) I compliment only when its deserving.

56) There were 2 points in life,I lost all faith in God.One during high
      school for 2 years and for another 2 years when I was told I couldnt
      conceive ever.

57) I quit drinking milk tea 6 years ago and drink only black coffee or
      tea without sugar.

58) I love the smell of petrol.

59) I wont even make an effort to talk to someone who seems or is
      boring or is a loner by nature.

60) When I like something I eat or drink,I usually eat/drink it so
     often that one day,Im bugged and I just quit eating it for years.

61) I became the one thing I never wanted or thought I would be, till
      it happened,a housewife.

62) I broke my nose in a car accident.

63) I had to wear braces to get my teeth straight and In line.

64) I once as a teen had this weird skin condition which led to
      hairfall like crop circles on my head,lost all eye lashes and parts of
     my eye brows.It was stress induced skin condition.

65) I have never worn a bindi in my life.

66) We both eloped and I married my husband of 9 1/2 years.

67) I dont like small or tiny hand bags or clutches or purses.

68) I hate carrying and yakking on my mobile phone anywhere.

69) I find colored tatoos sexy but never found a tatoo shop ever to get
     one.

70) At one point I owned 15 pairs of expensive shoes and wore only 6
      pairs.

71) I have seen a red moon once 4 years ago when My husband and I were
      smoking shisha(arabic smoke pipes) by the beach.

72) I have handled a shotgun once only .

73) As a kid ,I have fished out pearls from a few oysters.

74) I once stole an eraser from a bookshop when I was 9( coz my
     classmates asked me to) and got the crap beat out of me by my dad,on
      being confronted.

75) I never and dont like dolls coz they scare me to death.

76) I dont like apples.

77) I have worn a sari only 5 times in my life.

78) I have worn a ghagra choli only once in my life as a kid.

79) In the past 9 1/2 years ,I have attended only 2 weddings.

80) I never became a dulhan coz I got married in court.

81) I refrain from talking to anyone who doesnt look at me while
      speaking.

82) I have no respect for soft guys,men who cant stand up for their
     women or men who dont have a strong identity.

83) I saw a transvestite (chakka) when I was 20 yrs old and I feared
     them in general,Until I saw the movie "Tamanna" and another   documentary and it changed my outlook on them forever and Now I dont fear them anymore.

84) I have a fascination for soaps and shower gels,the fruitier/flowery
      they are,the more I buy them.

85) When it comes to juice,I drink Orange for 95% of the time and maybe
       a pineapple or a watermelon.

86) I love bittergourd juice very much.

87) I had a boycut for nearly 15 years of my life.

88) I used to bite my nails up to the age of 23.

89) I once gave my blood for a total stranger in a hospital.

90) I have witnessed 2 burials in my life,one of some relative and
     one,my first,of a woman being buried and I was curious,so I went ahead
     and watched her sons bury her.

91) I love walking bare feet,makes me feel closer to mother Earth.

93) I love tamil songs and movies though I dont understand a single
      word,except kadal.I feel they are most earthy than hindi movies,dont
     ask me why ! I even love african languages and songs coz I feel they
     are natural and from the heart.

94) On a sad note, I havent heard my parent's voice in 10 years or
      havent seen them either.I caught a glimpse of them 5 years ago.

95) Other than my in laws, I was floored and almost in tears when an
      aunty told me,Im just like a "beti" to them.

96) I once saw Dharmendra in the Mumbai Airport as a kid.

97) My husband and I make a point to hug each other everyday ( have
      done so upto now),especially when he comes from work .

98) I still eat the very ice cream I ate as a 3 yr old,chocolate cup
      and lulu choco bar.

99) In cakes,I like only vanilla and chocolate,maybe with nuts on
      them,other than that, nothing fruit flavoured or with fruits in them.

100) Even though I complain and throw a fit every now and then,I feel
        blessed.

Bully

2011-08-09T16:25:00.000+03:00

I have been thinking about bullying for some time,I think it was Sujatha mentioning about crying a lot as a kid and all.I think most of us have been bullied at some point or the other.Some of us got through it with ease,some of us just took it all in and damaged ourself in time while some took it to extreme levels and ruined it for many or just ourselves.

I have watched a great deal of documentaries and programs and come to the conclusion,that most of the bullys are actually people who had it hard at home or are complete brats to others existence.They had deprived moments,witnesses painful existence themselves and therefore,not knowing to create a healthy outlet,just dumped it all on others who seemed weak or simplistic.

I come from a very over protective family,where my folks made it a point that unlike thier young lives,we wouldnt have to go through any pain or take any bad decisions on our own and endure any pain.Since all my decisions right upto the age of 12 were made by my folks,I lived a pretty stressfree life and unaware of the big bad world I was doomed to face with no choice.Then the war happened and due to financial strains,my folks decided the best thing for me was to live in a hostel.Education couldnt be uninterrupted no matter what,it was on top of everything...Like my mom would always say," All you have to do is study well,eat well and get good grades,you dont have any other stuff to worry about."

Since my mom lived ina hostel too for a coule of years as a kid,I thought she couldnt be wrong.Maybe there is nothing indeed to worry about.My folks are the kind of people who didnt talk much about their lives as kids or adults and thought ,thus,it shouldnt affect us in any way.

But it did.It changed me a lot.It made me the strong hearted,perhaps,stone hearted.

When i joined the hostel,besides living my treadful nightmare,of living away from my folks without being prepared for anything,I landed in a room of actual capacity 4 but was stuffed with 12.One had to wash their own undergarments and home clothes,ne had to visit the loo that had a 60 watt bulb which lit 6 toilets.I had to make new friends who seem to come from all parts of India,who looked at me as if I were an alien.I may have seemed to be "that kid from the gulf" but I was lonely,heart broken,super confused and alienated.

I never touched a detergent in my life,I had never been in a dark place.And within a couple of months things started going wrong.This girl,a classmate,started bullying me.I wont mention names here but she would go like," Dont act all innocent ok", "dont overact ok", "dont be over smart ok","Just because you came from abroad,doesnt mean you are superior".....If I did well in class or was praised by a teacher..I was being oversmart??? If someone took a shine to me,she would go all nuts and ask people not to talk to me.I cried all the time,I wanted to run away from the hostel,I wanted to kill myself.Every time my folks came to visit me on weekends,I beged them to remove me from this school.I would rather stay illiterate then go through all this pain of which i had no idea what to do.My folks would be like,"Just ignore her and study well.Do it for us...pray to God." Yeah right ! Me kneeling on my knees and crying 24/7 was gonna do any goo for me.

One day it happened.That girl created a huge roar and I had had it for months now.She called me a bitch.And warned if anyone ever spoke to me,she would let go of her wrath on them.That was it, she finished her sentence and I whipped a "Bitch" to her face.I was shaking,shivering and wanted to cry coz for the first time I stood for myself in life.I gave her the stare,the stare that I have been and am still famous for.

She didnt say a word nor did I and we left it at that.I felt good,reborn and i made a promise to myself that I would allow anyone to nag or bully me like this ever again and no matter what,I would give hell for hell if I had to but not bend for someone.Weeks went by and slowly she came around and so did I.

That was one of the first lessons I ever learnt after entering teenhood.And a lesson I will never forget.My folks noticed a change in me and after that I wouldnt be anyone's bitch no more.

This story may inspire someone or to some it maybe a joke.I know of people who have been bullied in far more cruel ways and also of those who in the end committed suicide.A very crucial lesson to be learnt in life is," zulm sehne wala zulma karne wale se bada gunaahgaar hota hai".Dont let go of your self respect to be in the good books of someone and never ever back off in the presence of a bully.

AAJ ki Karni

2011-08-09T12:23:00.000+03:00

AS usual I had slept at 3:30am yesterday.As usual,I was dreaming endlessly about,I have no idea what, but this I know I was enjoying it completely.AT 10:45am, my sister woke me up with her phone call,even though I didnt want to wake coz I was in the middle of my dream,again not knowing what,those loud bugging rings kept on and on and on.

Mustered up some strength and picked up and said Hello.And we started catching up on stuff ,it had been 5 days since she called.I dont call her up every now and then coz she is busy with her baby and since now Im fasting,I actually dont have the strength to talk and anyway its bad to gossip or keep ranting over anything.

I start yakking about how my health took a bad turn one morning and how it took me 2 days to feel better and how my husband,kept inviting friends over and blah blah blah.....15 minutes into the conversation and she goes, " AAh Suzaan...I think he pooped,it smells.I have to go,I love you very much...byeeee,muaaah !" I could hear my Nathan going "ohu ohu....aaahh..ohu ohu..aaah" in the backdrop,I said "ok then...bupbye" and we disconnected within seconds.

Sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep...come back.............dreams come backkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk...................(yawning a lot)

Great ! I take the trouble of writing this blog and my PC's dialtone isnt working.Which means,I will have to use my laptop.Thanks to flash memory,I wont have to write this again.

I switch the television on and its an episode on travellers showing the Toilet museum in Delhi and a place where muslims go to ask for mannat from some Baba (astagfurallah ).

Shashlik

2011-08-08T15:57:00.000+03:00

Recently we made chicken and prawn shashlik for a couple of friends.Eventhough it sounds complicated,one of the reasons,I never bothered to go through the recipe online,its actually a very simple and easy to cook recipe.

Ingredients :

2 chicken breasts (Boneless chicken prefered or 12 prawns deviened and cleaned).

3 tbspn Soya sauce ( I prefer the normal one,not the sweet one)

1nhalf tbspn Vinegar ( can go for the colourless kind or the apple cider one)

2 capsicum/bell peppers ( both are the same,they come in green,yellow,red,orange...)

1 big Onion

1 tomato

bamboo skewers/sticks ( readily available )

Method :

Now cut the chicken breasts into small 1 inch cubes or if its prawn,then leave it whole.Add the soya sauce,vinegar,red chilli powder( as per spiciness required),salt to taste,black pepper.Powders you will add maybe a tspn or less,depends on the amount of chicken or prawns you have.

Remember,soya sauce is salty on its own,so will add a little less salt.Or in a vessel add the sauces and powders first and taste it,if you're not sure how much of what to add and in the end add the chicken or prawns.

Keep this aside to marinate for at least 3 hours.

With the veggies,same thing.Cut them into square pieces i.e. capsicum,onion,tomatoes.Remember when you cut the tomato in half,throw away the pulp of it i.e. the seeds and central part.Add a little salt,a little soya sauce,and vinegar like half a tspn of each and marinate them as well for 10 minutes.If you want to keep it simple,just cut them into square pcs and keep aside.

In the end,remember to soak your bamboo skewers for at least 15 minutes or so in water before using them ,so that they dont catch fire while either barbeque them or frying them.

Arrange the chicken /prawns and veggies on the skewers like onion,capsicum,chicken,tomato or anyway you want.FRy them on a flat frying pan or tawa with either cooking oil/butter/margarine.Turn them on either side every 5 minutes or until they are cooked.

You can squeeze lemon juice over it and eat ,accompanied by simple salad.

Hopefully it was as delicious as mine turned out to be.

Simple Beauty Remedies

2011-08-03T13:08:00.001+03:00

Even though most of us say,and I mean only women and very few men,that

we dont do anything special for our looks,its just great the way it
is,we actually do many things to improve our complexion,have good skin
and what not.Some can afford expensive branded creams while some
cant.I cannot even amount the will power to go to a cosmetic shop and invest in a cream or lotion or oils which cost as much as 3 cans of cooking oil for a month.

I try homemade remedies from things available in our home.Taking a
few tablespoons now and then, wont empty the kitchen.Some work,Some Im
allergic to,some simply dont work.I abide by a few things i.e.
milk,turmeric,lemon,rose water,cucumber and a few others.Im allergic
to honey on my face,also am allergic to pineapple,cinnamon and a few
other things.

When you apply something on your skin or face and you feel a burning
sensation or a tingling feeling or not very cooling,immediately wash
your face off.That means you are defnitely allergic to that product or
ingredient.Remember,walking in the sun can be just as harmful.All my
life,I wore no sun screen,not even a hat,when outside.Walking in a
45+ degree celsius heat is no joke,but back then I didnt care.My skin
burns easily and like many sensitive skinned people,I tan easy or get
rashes easily and my marks or scars takes years to clear off
naturally.Its for the very reason,I have never done facial or facial
hair waxing or threading,black head removal and what not.Thats why I
follow these home remedies always,to keep my skin clean and clear coz
nothing can pamper skin like natural things ...milk,haldi and all.

One has to know their skin type.So if its oily,you can use lemon
freely,if its dry,you should use milk or rose water.Stuff like that
has to be kept in mind.I have used many of these tips myself and some
Im gonna try soon.Most of us dont do this cause our excuse is we dont
have the time and energy.Well,if you dont have the time,then you
shouldnt complain about your bad skin or what not.

Write this stuff down,stuff you think you want to try, on paper and stick it on your fridge or kitchen cabinet.It takes merely seconds to whisk these up
and almost all these ingredients are available in your kitchen.

When Im using milk in anything,I just take some in the palm of my hand
and slap it on my face.When my chore is done,I wash my face off.When
Im using eggs,the egg whites dripping from the shell,I rub it on my
face.Same with coconut oil,gram flour,rose water,black tea,etc.

After a long day outside,I clean my makeup off with coconut oil,clean
my face and moisturise.Once a week,I use fuller's earth(multani mitti)
with milk and rose water and apply the face pack.This I follow
religiously.SO its not all that difficult,you need to remember and do
it.

HAPPY PAMPERING !

FAIRER COMPLEXION

Take 1 tbsp of gram flour and 2 tsp of raw milk and 2-3 drops of lime
juice. Mix well and apply. Wash after 15 minutes. Repeat for 4 weeks
and follow up with once a week.

Grind a cup of mint leaves to a fine paste. Apply and leave for 20
minutes. Wash. Continue for 15 days.

....................................

How to grow mint indoors?

Mint needs a sunny window. It may get a lanky as it stretches for the
light because it really prefers full sun. You can try using grow
lights as well. But try a sunny window.

Try curly and flat leaf parsley, which both tolerate less light and
may do better indoors.

As far as growing mint, we suggest using a large, deep pot in order to
allow it to grow wild. Mint will really sprawl!

You can purchase mint seeds at a garden store and start them yourself.
You can also look at organic grocers for small plants; transplant
these to a larger container and give them plenty of sun. They should
take off fairly quickly. We have always had good luck with mint; it
just loves to take over whatever container it's in!

.......................................

Remedies for eyes:

To remove puffiness from the eyelids, massage a drop of very fresh
castor oil on to them.

To cool your eyes, make eye pads using thick slices of cucumber.

Another option is to use cotton pads soaked in cold milk. Lie down and
place them on your closed eyes and relax for a while.

Putting a drop of rose water into each eye just before you sleep can
also refresh you eyes.

............................................

Home remedies to remove Tan:

1. Mix cucumber paste with lemon juice and fuller's earth and apply it
for 15 minutes and then wash it off. It is an excellent anti-tan pack.

2. Mix chick pea powder in a little water and apply to the face. Leave
on for 15 minutes and wash it off with cold water. This improves
complexion or lightens your skin tone.

3. Mix tomato juice with a little curd and apply. Wash it off after 20
minutes.

4. Use of natural scrub like oatmeal ( add warm water to oatmeal, mix
it well to form a paste) helps to remove dead skin cells and stimulate
blood circulation.

5. Mix a little fresh lemon juice, gram flour ( besan) and curd and
apply it on the skin for 15 minutes regularly to get rid of sun tan.

6. Mix 3 drops of fresh lemon juice to a little milk, apply it on the
skin, leave it for 10-15 minutes and wash it with warm water. Do it
regularly.

7. I read this a couple of years ago in some magazine or maybe
online,that after a good day out in the sun,apply pure coconut oil on
your face or tanned parts and leave on for an hour and then wash off
with soap.It helps get rid of the tan.

..........................................
Natural cleanser:

Milk is a natural cleanser. Cleanse your face with cotton soaked in
raw milk. Use cold skimmed milk to remove your make-up.

...........................................

Body odor:

1. Mix juice of one lemon in a bucket of water and bathe in that
water.

2. Add rose water to your bath water to keep you fresh.

...........................................

Natural remedy for Chapped lips:

Apply butter (pure & unsalted) or almond oil or ghee and massage
gently.

Massage with chilled milk cream and wash it off after 1 hour. This
home remedy cures chapped lips.

Massage your lips with pure olive oil or coconut oil regularly to get
soft lips.

Massage your lips with a little glycerin mixed with a little rose
water for soft lips.

Drink plenty of water to keep your lips moisturized.

Application of petroleum jelly or lip balm helps cure chapped lips.

Apply honey and wash it off after 15 minutes to cure chapped lips.

..............................................

Home Remedies to cure dark lips

Honey mixed with a little lemon juice helps to lighten dark lips.

Apply Vaseline or lip balm when going out.

Mix 1/2 tsp Pomegranate juice with 1/2 tsp beetroot juice and apply
regularly to cure dark lips.

I tried plain beetroot juice on the lips as well and after a week ,the
dark color had faded off considerably.

..........................................

Beauty tips and care for the eyes

Have a good night sleep and give enough rest to your eyes.

Refresh your eyes by splashing cold water on it .

Apply pure castor oil for the eyebrows before going to bed for good
growth.

Soak cotton wool in chilled water to which a few drops of rose water
has been added and keep it on your eyes for 5 minutes. This will
refresh your eyes.

Rub your palms together and cover your eyes with palms to relax then .

...................................................

Beauty tips for dark circles around the eyes

1.Soak cotton in cucumber or potato juice and keep it on the eyes for
5 minutes and relax.
or you can even apply the juice with cotton around the eyes. If done
regularly, this home remedy for dark circles is very effective.

2.Apply almond oil around the eyes before going to bed or in the
morning. Almond is a natural bleach.

...........................................

Tips for hair care:

Home remedy for frizzy hair: Massage warm castor oil + almond oil into
your scalp gently. Wrap a hot towel (dip towel in hot water (bearable)
and squeeze the excess water) around your scalp so that the oil gets
absorbed into the hair. Do this once a week for healthy, silky,
lustrous hair. It also controls frizz.

Mayonnaise is an excellent conditioner for dry hair. Massage your
scalp with mayonnaise and leave it for half an hour. Then shampoo as
usual. Always rinse your hair well so that no traces of shampoo is
left behind.

Massage your scalp with olive oil using your finger tips. Remain for
half an hour and wash hair well. This natural remedy is an excellent
conditioning treatment. Do this once in a week for healthy hair. It
also controls frizz.

Vinegar is a great conditioner and can give shine to your hair. Mix 1
tbsp of vinegar to a mug of water and use it to your last rinse. It
also controls frizz in dry hair.

Squeeze juice of 1 lemon in a mug of water and use it for the final
rinse for oily hair.

General recommendations and tips to maintain the results are some of
the following:

- A high protein and an iron rich diet is recommended for hair loss.
An adequate intake of raw vegetables, fresh fruits, salads, green
leafy vegetables should be included in the diet on a regular basis.

- Use a natural shampoo to clean the hair. Amla (embilica
officinalis), Shikakai (Acacia concinna) are very good for washing the
hair.

- Oiling and massaging of scalp is very beneficial for stopping the
hair loss. Use coconut oil at least three times in a week. Certain
medicated oils like Neelibhringadi oil, Kunthala kanthi oil,
Kanjunnyadi oil are very useful. Put oil on the scalp, and massage
gently in the roots of the hair.

- The person should maintain a regular bowel movement everyday. In
case of constipation, a mild natural laxative can be taken. Triphala
is very useful.

- Regular physical exercise is very beneficial as it helps in
balancing the aggravated doshas.

- Rub your scalp after washing the hair. It increases the blood
circulation, and activates the sebaceous glands.

- A mixture of lettuce and spinach juice is good to drink to induce
hair growth. The juice of carrot, and lettuce juice is also good to
take.

- Applying juice of green coriander leaves on the head is also good.

- Washing the hair with a paste of cooked green gram and fenugreek
(methi) two to three times a week, is also good.

- A paste of licorice made by grinding it in milk can be applied in
the bald patches.

- The seeds of fenugreek is soaked in coconut oil and kept under
direct sunrays for seven days and applied to the scalp, which prevents
hair loss.

.........................................

Natural Tips to Clear Scars

Apply olive oil regularly on the face and massage lightly. The scars
will fade off in course of time.

Application of buttermilk daily helps to lighten scars.

Tomato pulp can be applied everyday on the face and washed off after
half an hour to get rid of scars from pimples.

Raw potato juice applied daily cures skin blemishes. Raw Potato juice
can also be mixed with fuller's earth (multani mitti ) and applied to
get rid of scars and blemishes naturally.Grind potatoes and squeeze
the juice out.

...............................................

Remedy for wrinkles:

For wrinkles or fine lines around the eyes, apply egg white, leave it
till it dries and wash it off with cold water. Do this regularly or on
alternate days. This natural remedy for wrinkles around the eyes is
very effective.

Massage the skin with olive oil or pure coconut oil regularly to
prevent wrinkles. Do not use soap that day, instead use gram pulse
flour.

Massaging pure sesame seed oil mixed with equal quantities of almond
oil also prevents wrinkles .

Apply egg white to the wrinkled skin and wash it off after it dries
with warm water. For fine lines under the eye, this home remedy is
very effective. Within a few days you will find the lines reducing.

Dry skin are more prone to wrinkles, so keep your skin moisturized and
hydrated.

Protect your skin from excessive exposure to the sun as it causes
wrinkles. Avoid going out from 12 a.m. to 3 p.m. Protect yourself by
wearing sunglasses and wide brimmed hat if you have to go.

Mash banana until creamy. Apply this mask and wash it off after 15
minutes to prevent wrinkles.

..............................................

A make up, skin or hair trick this actress learnt from an expert:

For instantly glowing skin, just splash rose water. My make up dada
told me that make up is incomplete without kajal. It highlights and
defines our eyes and suits every face. I use a Mac kajal pencil, which
is waterproof and doesn't smudge. He also advised me to apply Mac
Studio Fix+ spray after make up for a glow and to make it last longer.

I make sure I sleep well at night before a red carpet event because
puffy eyes screw up the make up. Avoid sun for a day so that the face
doesn't look tanned in the evening. Before applying make up, I rub an
ice cube on my face so that my skin is fresh and glowing and my make
up stands out.

My dead dishtv

2011-08-03T00:05:00.000+03:00

My dish Tv expired a few days ago and it was like the end of world .We get a few local channels but just the thought of missing out on what I watch regularly made me bored to death and made me stir crazy just not being able to watch my regular programs.I dont watch this saas bahu crap at all,Its usually hindi movies and english series and national goegraphic ,discovery and animal planet.

Without it I felt ,now I wouldnt know how the lions survived in the desert.I wouldnt know how they hunted,how they jumped on their prey,I wondered how many frogs I would see miss jumping across leaves and trees.How many monkeys and chimps I would miss watching eating fruits and flowers and other little monkeys.How many insects would hunt and how many elepahnts and bisons I would miss giving birth.

I wondered what if I missed that episode of friends which i have seen a zillion times,Iam totally lost wothout my Tv.We have gotten to used to our television that if apocalypse hit us in a few days and Tv didnt exist anymore,we would be like those chopped headless chickens who still struggle but dont know what to do.For that matter even the internet,we do so many things,some useful and mostly useless stuff online.We dont know basics of surviving on our own isnt it.

I just got a titanium package recharged which will come on by tomorrow.My husband always says all you do is watch these discovery stuff as if you will very soon be surviving on your own.True ! Touchwood,that day doesnt seem to come near at least in this life time.But I personally think,gaining knowledge of any kind cannot be all that useless,isnt it ! Watching an animal give birth,like us,they too struggle for hours and without any medication and help bring life into this world.The struggles of turtle hatchlings into the sea,the very function of trees on this earth which seems to be on a decline,so is the melting of glaciers and what not.The greenhouse effect,change in weather....we all are witnessing to this phenomenon in our very lifetime.

When i was a kid ,back in the 80s,cold season in kuwait was severe.There was fog,extreme cold to the extent we had to wear gloves,mufflers and what not to keep ourselves warm,but now ,post gulf war,there is no cold out here.As the years go by,one can roam around wearing short sleeves ,its like a cool summer and nothing cold about it.

Look at me,talking about global warming......

We are a lazy people of this world.Dependent on technology for each and everything.We look for shortcuts in everything,be it cooking,working at our homes or anything.I always thought as a kid,when I grow up,I will be a working woman,perfect housewife and a great mother.Like my mom ,who struggled to get everything right and almost did,I too wished to be like that.I remember my mom cooking banquets for 30 people all by herself,not just one dish but 5 or 6 dishes.I can cook for 10 with ease and come up with 2 -3 dishes at the most,at the end of which,I feel dizzy and have evaporated about 80% of my body water.

People back then had social gatherings and thought about how to make themselves and each other better by solving certain issues.When they got bored,they had family games,family picnics,where the whole family got together,spoke about their pasts and other forthcomings.Everyone learnt something from their experiences.I remember my grandmas,both ofthem,talking about their lives and it was like looking at life,the simple way,a way we dont know of anymore.

Now we dont have such gatherings coz it means spending a lot of money.Time we think is better spent sleeping at home then spending with friends.I know such events are an expensive affair but pooling in for once a month,is it that difficult?

My dishtv died on me and I was worried for myself.And for the past 4 -5 days,I kept thinking about why cant we do this and that instead of rotting in our homes by ourselves.The thing,one person trying to organise everything,while others just shoot the idea down because of this and that.For most of us,just living our life everyday is a big chore..we dont have time for this or that..there are kids,busy lives,no time to rest reasons.We are teaching our kids,we all live for ourselves and they rather sit in front of the telly or computer or mobiles and play by themselves,than interact and have a social life.

We are becoming slaves to our lifestyle....that why I weep over my dishtv.Plus 2 of my social friends are on vacation..I miss them totally.

Chicken tikkis

2011-07-28T10:48:00.001+03:00

I make Jeera rice every now and then and its great to have with a non veg dish with a little curry.But Im guessing everyone knows how to make jeera rice.I make it different coz I strain the rice water out and add no oil in it.Just roast the jeera seeds on a tava,when the aroma fills in ,throw it into water you are boiling to boil the rice with salt to taste.when the rice is 50% cooked,strain the water out.Put the rice back in,close the lid and on the lowest heat,let it be for 12-15 minutes.

But today Im gonna write a simple recipe of chicken tikkiyas.This,one can have with dal and rice or with bread or simply as such,it depends on what you like it with.I usually have it when I have only veggies or dal.

Usually when this is made,one finds very little chicken and more of potatoes.I dont like that,it should have equal amounts of chicken or boiled egg chopped into small pieces.Yes,instead of chicken ,one can add a chopped boiled egg and its just as tasty.

Now potatoes if medium sized,meaning one potato is just a handful,you need 5 - 6.In a pan,add your washed potatoes unpeeled with at least a litre of water.Let the potatoes boil,peel and mash them.People use mashers and forks,I use a steel cup bottom.Now one can add some shredded carrot,very little shredded cabbage,mashed peas or boiled cauliflower or you can use just plain potatoes.

Chicken,since many of us dont eat chicken breasts,I think its ideal for this recipe.If not,you can use the other parts as well.SO if you have 5 handfuls of potato added,add 3 handfuls of shredded chicken.If its 6 potatoes,add 4 handfuls of shredded chicken.Boil the chicken in a litre of water.

To bring flavour to the chicken ,rather than leaving it bland,add one onion roughly chopped,add 4 peppercorns,4 laung/cloves,salt to taste and definitely 6 pieces of garlic.GArlic is very healthy for us and adding it to every dish is absolutely good for one's health.Boil it for a full 20 minutes or till chicken is very tender,tender enough to fall aprt in your hands.Chicken breast doesnt get very tender.The more you boil it ,the tougher it gets.If its only chicken breast,then 12- 13 minutes of boiling is enough.Once it done,you can strain the chicken water into a tiffin,cool and keep it in the fridge and can use it while making any pulao of any kind.The peppercorn and onion and stuff,dispose it off coz it was just to lend taste.You can shred chicken with your hands or you can chop it fine with your knife.I use a knife.Consumes less time and my friends use a chopper.I dont use gadgets for each and everything.I can chop stuff so fine with my knife while my friends cant do it at all.Called haatho ki safaayi.Dont be gadget dependent,your food wont taste that nice.Ask any great chef,they dont use choppers at all or any gadget.

Now your chicken is shredded and potatoes mashed.Boil both of these at the same time,its quicker this way.Mix them both and use your clean hands.MAsh them well.Oops ! forgot.

Before this,roast and grind and add the following into the mash: 1 tspn jeera/cumin seeds, half tspn coriander seeds.Add salt to taste and keep tasting it every now and then.Add chilli powder or green chillies chopped fine.Keep the recipe clean and simple.

Now mash everything up well.You can make small round pancakes that fit your palm or I roll it into 1 inch roll in the palm of my hand.Keep it in the fridge while you heat your oil and prepare the bread crumbs and egg.You make it small coz you dont want them to break ,when you fry it.

Bread crumbs,you can buy ready made or if you have bread thats going stale,grind it in a mixie and VOLA ! Bread crumbs ready.Or you can toast your bread light brown on your tava till it hardens a bit and then grind.Break 2 eggs and whip them with your fork.

Make the rolls or discs,dip them in egg completely,roll it in bread crumbs and deep fry them in hot oil.Once they fry to golden brown,your tikkis are ready coz the insides are already cooked.

Enjoy this with coriander chutney or plain yoghurt or ketchup or mayonnaise or dal and rice or simply munch on it.

Sad moments

2011-07-18T14:00:00.000+03:00

For the past 9 and half years,there has never been a single day,when I wondered how I would look as a pregnant woman, what I would go throught o deliver my baby, what would all those feelings be like when I held him/ her in my arms after pushing for 12 hours, how he/she would look like, How old she would be today..........
Yesterday ,I was very upset as this is a sensitive topic for me and makes my husband crazy coz he cant stand me going all emotional and not being able to help me exactly the way I want.
Thats all,today Im better.Have my face mask on and writing my feeling here feeling all vulnerable.Didnt want to post it on facebook coz it would just be a pity seeking post.
Anyone out there,who doesnt have kids,its a struggle darlings be it a man or woman.DOnt worry, God is testing us and I just love to belive,that there is a special place in heaven for me where I will be able to use my mothering skills with all the children who come there.

Lamb pulao

2011-07-17T14:15:00.002+03:00

I want to share this very simple lamb pulao recipe today.Though I dont exactly cook it this way coz i tend to add veggies and a lot more masala into it which gets a bit complicated,this is very simple.Anyone who cant spare too much time over a stove can prepare it at home within 45 minutes.

This is for half kg mutton.Can use simple basmati rice with it.I always think there should be at least 2 bones with marrow in it,makes the meat and the mutton stew even more tasty.You'll need 2 coffee mugfull of rice,wash the rice and soak it for at least half an hour.The excess starch washes out plus it takes lesser time to cook.

I cook with a cooker coz without it ,it takes just a very long time,time none of us neither have nor love to give.In a cooker,add the meat,pour water to cover the meat and add 1 tbsp of haldi.Let it boil without the lid on.You will notice some brown foam collecting on top of it.Immediately switch the stove off and throw out the water.It takes around 14 mins or so to boil.After that,just wash the cooker with water,pour the meat and water into it again.AT least an inch and half or 2 above the meat.Chop an onion roughly,6 garlic cloves whole,an inch of ginger grated,5 cloves,6 black pepper seeds whole,2tbsp of salt,1tsp haldi,1tspn red chilli powder,can add green chillies as per spiciness you can eat,2 inch long dalchini stick.put the lid on and give it a good 15 minutes.Now the meat get cooked differes all the times.AFter 15 mins,open the cooker and taste it.It shouldnt be chewy,a bite should be very easy.If its not done,check for water content,add more if required but get the boil right.

Once the meat has gotten tender properly,strain the meat and keep both the meat and stew separately aside.In the cooker,add oil,and the meat with the with bits of onions and all in it,add to the oil and fry them for a while.When the onions turn brown or golden brown,add the rice and fry it around for a min or 2.Now add the shorba in it.The water level should be at least an inch over the rice and meat layer below.Give it a boil and then on very low heat,cover it well and tight and let it cook on dum for 15 -20 minutes.

If you know to make vegetable pulao,this will be easy too.

Once you know how to make this pulao well,you can next time add boiled eggs towards the end or roasted pine/cashew nuts or garnish it with coriander or parsley.Or even while making the stew one can add veggies like brinjal,cauliflower,potatoes in the mix with the meat.

My Fantasy

2011-07-16T20:48:00.000+03:00

It was a beautiful night.There were a few stars in the sky and a crescent of a moon in the dark night.Since the houses were far apart from each other,one wouldnt be disturbed by people yelling dinner is ready and kids scurrying around the house.I could hear the crickets making that creeking sound.I came out of his house and walked up the stairs to the terrace.It was amazing.

Since the monsoon had already started a few days ago,every shower was refreshing.I knew this would be a fabulous night as all rainy nights are.I love the rains.Every movie I watched since I was 6,tutored me into how no rains should ever go to waste especially if you have that someone special by your side.On the backdrop,I had left the tape record playing my mixed tape of hot songs.

I was wearing my shorts and my favourite green T-shirt.It was drizzling a bit and my favourite song back then and now,"Tip tip barsa paani" started playing.I was gonna drench myself and dance to this hot number.Then he came up wondering what I was doing as it rained hard.A kiss happened and......

(STOP)

This is one of my fantasy.

We were in the car during the brief rainy season we have in this very hot desert.I play this very song in the car and what happened was.........................................

" what kind of crap is this?" says my husband.

"Arey,ye tho mera favoruite song hai,kitna romantic mausam hai..." says me.

" Tum isko gaana kehti ho,pata nai,kya kya bakwas tumhe achi lagti hai" says my husband.

"Arey ye bada hit gaana hai Mohra film ka,tum romance dekho..tu" says mua.

" Ye hit gaana hai,kuch nai...tum thodi kiski ho....ye romantic gaana hai...." says hubby.

" Tho romantic gaan kya hota hai" says mua.

"romantic gaane tho Rafi saab ke hote the,aaj kal ke gaano ka na mu hai na kuch hai",says hubby.

" tum abhi se buddhe ho gaye ho...jab me jawaan ho rahi ti..tab aise gaane hit the",says mua.

" Tumhara screw dhila hai", says hubby.

And all my horniness committed suicide.Thats my fantasy getting real.

Makeup tips

2011-07-13T16:56:00.000+03:00

eye makeup for small eyes

The key to making your eyes appear bigger is to use a lighter shade of pencil (or powder) along the inner rim of your eyes. Beige, Vanilla and/or white will do the trick. Don't forget to line using your dark liner below the water line along your lashes for definition. You should also apply a light, bright shade of white or pearl to the inner corners of the eyes which will open and separate them more. Another quick and easy way to open the eyes is to curl your lashes and apply mascara right after.

Six Common Eye Shapes & Complimentary Eyeliner Tips

1. Round

Line the outer two-thirds of the upper and lower lash lines, to lengthen the eye. Also, try angling the line upwards (upper lash line) as it moves towards the corner. The result will be slightly thicker line at outer corners. Mascara emphasis placed on outer corner upper lashes.

2. Almond

Suits many styles and techniques. Generally, line entire upper lash line and use neutral eye shadow. Optional to line lower lash line and soften with brush. Mascara upper lashes, with emphasis on outer corners. Strategic placement on lower lashes.

4. Small

Line rim of lower lid with white, flesh color or blue to make the eyes brighter. Use of eyelash curler very important. Mascara upper and lower lashes.

5. Close Set

Line outer third of upper and lower lash lines, to create distance between the eyes. Mascara emphasis should be placed on outer corners of upper lashes.

6. Wide Set

Line inner third of upper and lower lashes with dark color. Shadow play should not go beyond, but blend into area above outer corner of eyes.

Eye Make Up Tip #6 BROWS will 'MAKE OR BREAK' your look...

Most of us tweeze or pluck too much at home or at parlours.Better have thick eye brows than thin ones.Thick never look bad or go out of fashion.By thick I mean at least full looking.My outer end of the eye brows were always tweezed too short but over the years have managed to grow them better.

Which brand of eye color contacts looks most natural with dark brown eyes?

Light brown, grey, hazel,freshlook in gray,green like in dark greens,In the end,it depends on your hair color,complexion.Try looking as natural as possible.
Lipstick shades for 2011:

I have a weakness for lipstick and without it I kind of feel nude.I love bright colors and have never followed trends in colors.I dont like gloss coz in summer they melt off or leak which is horrible.I prefer matte and just add some shine on the center of upper and lower lips.

Nude lips

Statement lips

Bright ones

food paas-si-oon.

2011-07-09T23:03:00.000+03:00

{Thank you "Apni boli wale".Glad to have a new follower.}

.......................................................................................................

WHen I got married,I couldnt cook anything.It was strange when i realised that over the years before tying the knot,my siblings and I had consumed raw meat in the midst of chopped and spattered onions and chillies.I didnt know when garlic and ginger were used during cooking and It came to me that the 3 of us had survived on instant maggi noodles,eggs beaten up in every possible way,bread,hotel food ,jalebis and pedas and fruit cake,for around 3 years.I pan fried potatoes in oil and we ate them either slightly burnt or under cooked.

I always thought cooking was very easy.All you do is cut,throw into oil and stir for a few minutes and vola ! The dish is done.I got married and on the 3rd day,i decided to make breakfast.There I was ready to dazzle him with my omelette,I started with chopping some onions.After 30 mins,my hubby walks in and goes like," Kya kar rahi ho Jaanu !" Im like ," ek minute ,jao jao...Kandha kat rahi hu." Judging the size of the chopped onion,he was like,"OMG! you have never cut onions before."Im like I have ,but it needs to be washed,then peeled,since I was tearing up at every slice,I stopped ,washed my eyes and balancing the knife,what if I cut my finger????

I realised I was no cook and this is going to be the most painful things to go through in my life.You knwo when your dad decides to teach you driving,tempers are flwoing around,bad words just leaking out through his mouth and Its like"BBBRRRAAKKKKKES "/"CLCutch" and what not,So was the learning how to cook part.Hold the onion like this,break the egg away from the pan,dont slice too thin,dont slice too thick,the onions are brown enough,the oil hasnt separated yet,the masala isnt done yet,its too much salt..its less salt...AAAAAAAAAAhhhhhhhhh!

Sometimes,I even thought it was better to part ways than listen to this crap from my hubby.My husband is an exceptional cook and to listen to him go on and on........

I started with eggs,then dal,potatoes,then veggies and finally after a year chicken.But to cook to perfection,it took me 3 years.Otherwise,it was just a dish and the only compliment I got was a delayed "OOOOOk".

I have always been a foodie but to have others love your food is actually difficult.

The thought of people coming over for lunch or dinner was so scary,I literally cried in the bathroom,fought with my hubby.Guests are very quick to judge and since I have outspoken friends,all they did was dig through and mention every unsavoury detail.Im not very competetive by nature but I love to be good at what I begin with.

Anyways,now Im very good at cooking and it takes a lot less time to whip up a dish at the spur of the moment.There are 2 things I dont want to ever learn though,that is - making rotis and preparing sweets.Rotis because first of all they are never a circular shape and it turns out to be a papad,very hard.And sweets because I have a sweet tooth,being diabetic and my present life style,its better to stay away from all this at this point than having to give it all up at once later on.

But to all those who are learning or hoping to learn how to cook,You should remember,good cooking comes out of passion.Cook something because you want to and not because you have to.Trust me, the taste varies with the attitude and effort you put into it.It actually is fun,all you need to do is donate a little of your mind and eyes into watching a dish cooked well.When it comes to cooking,I know I have done well with the aroma that fills all my 5 senses.I have never used measuring spoons so far in my 9 years of cooking and I know how much of what I have to add to make it perfect.

Sometimes you come across people ,who say that they dont enjoy what they cooked because they are bored after all that cooking and rather not eat it.I wonder how,I love what I cook,Im not fussy by nature and would give a try to new stuff anyday provided ,it has been cooked in a clean environment and with good quality stuff.

I know stuff cooked over coal and wood fire tastes absolutely different and delicious and no stove can beat it.I used to laugh at the way food was cooked in my granny's kitchen over wood and all,thinking this is as backward as one can get.But now you have to pay good money to eat food at top class restaurant where wood fire and coal is used.

Iam confident in my cooking even more now coz my husband makes his demands once we are up.Can you make this for me or that? He loves my cooking now and when he cleans up dishes with his fingers,I know Im there.

Stylish blog Award

2011-06-30T14:07:00.000+03:00

The most Stylish blog Award goes to :

" Sujatha Satya "

Why?

I love her vocabulary and the way she writes.She knows the best way to put down thoughts and feelings,its like reading bits of some novel or an intelligent piece of some magazine.Thats my problem,I cant seem to find the right words when I want to and it would sound like the scribbling or rambling of an annoying person.

When I read her blogs,I always hope that this girl will soon write a column in some newspaper or magazine and be very successful.You should give it a try.

You capture emotions and are in touch with every topic you write,which makes us relate to it and wanna read it over and over again.The piece about TAnvi's accident,The piece on brands...we relate to them all and yeah..makes me wish everytime that you were with me here.We would make such naughty girlfriends.YAkking with you would be such a pleasure .

Sorry If I couldnt write better here.And you are my only follower,the rest just visit like nomads and like unmentionables,prefer being anonymous.

My oddities !

2011-06-30T13:48:00.000+03:00

Facts about me :

1) I hate the concept of emails and messages.Nothing can ever replace the joy of recieving and enthusiasm of writing a letter to anyone.Emails to me are like stick me posts on fridges,just there ,as reminders with no feelings.

2) One thing is beyond my control is my bladder.When I gotta go,I gotta go.No 5 mins,no 10 mins...the mere frustation of not finding a bathroom,one which Im very familiar with.I have had my share of embarassments,I cant think straight and I break into cold sweats.During exam times or travel,I simply stop drinking water 2 days in advance,no matter how hot it might get.

3) I dont eat fruit which is cubed or sliced or cut into anything.Just cut into half and let me dig through it.I wont eat fruit salad for the same reason.Not even chaat.

4) I dont like gold or lets say I never put much of it be it a function or whatever.I prefer a simple chain/necklace which I keep tugging onto throughout the function,not more than 2 bangles,not more than a ring.I dont pile on like some do during special occasions.On the other hand,if its artificial - love bangles,payals,one tiny chain,etc.But not gold,maybe because its heavy and shiny and one has to be careful about it.

5) I dont like people who talk less,who dont look you when you talk and people who take a long time to know you and get comfy.Same goes with kids.I try once or twice and then just let it be.Dont have the patience to sit through and wonder when they will open up.To such,its hi,hello and bye.Been so as a child.

6) Like Sujatha,I envy anyone who gets to travel in the name of work or who gets to travel for pleasure.I used to be a travel buff before but time and money has put "bhediya on my paer".

7) I dont understand why guests come over and refuse snacks or tea or cold drinks but secretly wish that all that and more is served in front of them.Why go "nai nai nai" and when served go "thik hai" and munch.And go back home and bitch about it if not catered to.I go anywhere and say what I want to drink and eat directly.Not a fussy,dramatic guest.

8) I dont like jam, honey,marmalades,apples,nuts,cherries,guava,potatoes in meals (except french fries),rajma or anything too beany and pizza.

9) I cannot stand around cigarette smoke or any smke,coz I immediately get an asthma attack.

10) I cannot cry for more than 5 mins maximum,coz like asthma attack,all the breathing apparatus in me swells up and I choke on it,literally cannot breathe at all.

11) I have never ever applied foaundation,compact or base,or whatever its called to my face.Tried once and I felt I had a clay wrap on my face.I felt my face was choking.

12) I cannot sleep or lie on my back for more than 5 mins.(Hospital was torture)Always felt like an elephant was napping on my chest.I was sleep on my tummy with my legs picnicing/picniking on the bed here and there.I cannot spoon for crying out loud after all these years.Need 3 feet of bedspace for myself.

13) DOnt like cats and birds for pets.If I have to babysit for someone,okay, but not for my pleasure.I only love dogs.

14) Favourite outfit : shorts and T shirt.Whatever I wear now,is because I dont have a choice.

15) Im very organised in everything.I cant stand clutter.My bath time,cooking time,laundry,my grocery list,my schedules for hospital visits or appointments,my medicines and everything...I jot things down in paper and calender and the whole nine yards.

16) This is the last thing Im gonna add ,coz I have to go somewhere,I visit the beauty salon just once a year or twice.Been so for the last 8 years.I only do eye brows and upper lip,do them mostly at home.

Well ,I have many more quirky things about me...thats why Im gonna just add this as a blog,what say you Sujatha.

Pretty ?

2011-05-11T12:27:00.000+03:00

It was our usual summer vacations and I had come to stay at

our grandma's home.I one day decided I had to go and watch a
movie.Get away from it all,and do something I enjoy the
most! Which is watching movies in theaters.

I dont anymore cause here the price of tickets is too much
and with almost half of the movie censored,its not worth
paying so much.

So I go to this theater and look at the board saying
Rangeela.I thought to myself I had to watch this,first day
,first show,my first for a movie.I thought it was just gonna
be some drag movie but I went to see Aamir and wondered who,
the one showing off so much of her thigh,is.

Managed to get the ticket after standing in a long long
line,completely dehydrated and I looked like a soggy
transvestite.Anyhu,I get to my seat and the movie opens with
these beautiful ,fair slender legs dancing all over.Her
streaked hair and her outfit,I was floored.I whistled like
the many girls and boys throughout the movie.

But this is not about Urmila Matondkar.This is the effect it
had on me and my self esteem.After this movie,I told God,I
shouldnt have been born a girl.Everyone in mangalore at
least,are 4 times minus my size.I was fat to begin with but
then,to have to compete with skeletal figures ,was just too
much for me.I was this dark chocolate colored girl who had a
boy's haircut and gold framed eye glasses.No one ever called
me pretty and now with Urmila being the new craze,I totally
abandoned any hope of ever getting pretty.

My sister was the pretty one.Ahhh! She's got a good
color,she's got the good skin,she's the cutie pie.How could
I compete with that.Guys ogled at her....Yup ! It was tough
alright.Then on,I continued with my tomboyish streak till I
came to Kuwait.Even when I fell in love for the first time,I
was a bit girly but still not too inspired to do better.

Things became worse when I came to Kuwait.Always criticised,
always being compared to daughters who were doing better
than me,getting better proposals than me,etc.

But then one day I meet this weird guy,who just blurts out
in passing,"Grow your hair,You might like it !"Even though
my mom kept saying,"you have horrible curly hair,it wont
look nice",I went ahead and grew it a bit.It didnt look that
appealing but I was growing my after 16 years.It was bound
to look fugly to everyone around me.

When I got married ,my husband finally coaxed me in the ways
of feminity.Hehehehe......he would say I had nice eyes and
kajol looked very nice on them.He would say you will look
pretty with long hair.I started oiling them and plaiting
them regularly,so they would grow long.He then one day
brings this face cream and tells me,use this and your skin
will improve.Whenever I cried after getting my periods,he
would calm my nerves and hysteria by saying,"If it has to
happen,it will.Im in no hurry,its you I want.Anything more
than that would be additional blessings." (im not lying
people,back then when we were trying and not getting
anywhere,he did say this.)

It has taken a lot of therapy ( my shrink being my husband) to come to accept what I now believe in firmly.I look at young girls who are so obsessed with their looks and I wonder,how empty they must be feeling to do these things,spend so much money,all in the name of looking pretty,a look from the boys,for someone to just say,WOW ! SOme resort to spending money on things and some just go ahead and bury themselves in food.They eat and eat...seek comfort in junk/comfort foods.But things never change.The pretty girls will always be mean,the fat ugly ones will always suffer from low esteem.The only thing one can do,is change one's own perspective.Only you can save yourself truly from scorn and petty thoughts.

After watching all those fat girl movies and talk shows,what
they say is true? True beauty comes from deep within.And its
all about confidence.If you truly believe that you are
hot,you will ooze it.Or whatever you believe from
within,will definitely show on your face.Teach your kids
that they are beautiful when they do good things,they are
beautiful no matter what color or size they are.Tell them
with good hearts,shines a pretty face which is happy with
what they do.Being fat or not the conventional pretty,isnt
the end of the world.A guy seeking qualities based on
outward appearance,is actually not looking for the genuine
thing,but is rather seeking an eye candy for their family
,relatives and world.

In the end,you dont want to be an eye candy on someone's
arm,they are mostly considered dumb,cheap bimbettes.You want
to be the true human being,beautiful in and out.

GAMMI

2011-05-06T17:00:00.000+03:00

My nanima's home was a tiny little shack.It had red floorings like most of the old fashioned homes built in the 50s.It had 1 hall,one porch and 1 inner room where the suitcases were placed.It was the changing room,store room and I remember it had a very dim light maybe 20 watts.You could hardly see your ownself.It has a kitchen area,tiny one which had such blackened walls with all that cooking over fire.It didnt have a toilet but later on thanks to my dad and our constant crying during our visits,he paid for a bathroom and toilet and a tap as well.

What I loved about this place despite its modest setting,was it was 2 minutes away from a river.Dont know which it is now,but it was a gorgeous river.Coconut trees growing all by its side and the abundant clams and fish and crabs.

I would wake up every morning,brush my teeth,wash my face and run to the shore.AN early morning visit is not advisable coz you see the whole village paying it a visit,the ones with no toilets at home.It took me a while to shake this horrifying images of uncles and aunties holding a small lota of water and doing namaskara,Ahem ahem ! As you must have guessed,I didnt know at first,so I paid a closer visit.

But despite it all,I loved the river a lot.I took so many baths in it(after being told tht things were buried and not left to sail),I went shell picking which was a big thing in tht village.The way the water shone when the rays of the sun fell on it,the sound of tiny waves hitting the shore,tiny kids playing by the beach,the feeling of sand between your toes,the coolness of the water during the summer season in the morning...It was amazing!

Breakfast was usually tea and rusks,sometimes eggs.Water was being pulled out of the well and put into the bath drums.I loved the well.Looking into,screaming my name into it,pulling the water out into kolsos.ANd many a times,I would tell myself that someday I will be thanking my stars for enjoying this life.This phase,this simplicity.

Women wearing nightgowns with sari underskirts and their high tight buns.They would walk into the fields to do their daily chores of planting and seeding and pulling crops out.We were the odd ones out cause with all the chocolates we had been choking on as kids,we had absolutely no energy compared to the local kids.One step into that water laden mushy fields and I would eeeeeee and Oooooooo n yuckkkkkkkhhhh.They would be bent on thier backs for hours doing their daily work and I could hear my joints and back grinding with each other in 5 minutes.I wasnt expected to do anything but I wanted to be a part of it.In the end,I would be sitting at the side of the field while my cousins mocked me and my healthy "never done a day's work in life" body.

You could usually see me running along the beach,sleeping over grass patches,watching the clouds going by.People who knew us dreaded us.Cant they even do one little thing? How lazy can they get? Excuse me people,if I never did the dishes,or pulled out water or walk barefoot or wash clothes.But I eventually did.I learnt to wash my clothes -thanks to hostel life,learnt to pull out water-thanks to hindi movies and Sri Devi,learnt to run barefoot -thanks to indian movies portraying village life.I gathered little wood for fire - thanks to my cousins who always did it.

Beedi making was another part of life in our Nanima's household.I sat with them sometimes,even though,by the time I made one,my aunt made 4.I would think that one day in future as I will drench myself in luxury and read in books that people used to do this and that,I could smile and say,I have done it.

Actually,living in that village taught me many things.To be humble,to be happy with what little you have and no matter how rich one is or isnt,family politics is just about everywhere.You learn you dont need every machine to keep your life going.I walk into households of friends and they have dryers,automatic machines,etc.They dont struggle that much at all coz if you can afford it then why not !

Back then I would sit and watch the beautiful sunset for hours on end and find peace within myself.Now its like I would have to drink tequilla to find that peace.Or maybe marriage or running a family is not that small a responsibility.

I miss that place now.Those memories are relived in my mind every waking day.The saltiness of the sea in the air is enough to flood all those wonderful memories back.

I actually started out to write something and ended up with something else.Suzaan,you should rearrange your thinking rail ka patri.It keeps changing lanes.

I miss my gammi.SHe must be 86 years old now.

Family.....pahhhh!!!!!!!!!!!

2011-04-28T13:15:00.002+03:00

My brother is getting married day after tomorrow.Since my parents have disowned me and so has the rest of my family,Im upset.I dont know why I do this to myself.Kill my soul a little everyday for people who dont really care.God too, seems to love it all.Isnt life fucking great?

Imagine,If blood relations matter to crap like how mine are,kese vishwas dusro ko dillayenge ki family means something !

It shouldn't come as a shock.My siblings even once didnt try to patch things up lest they ruin it for themselves.My parents told my siblings,just ignore her and pretend she doesn't exist.

Listen people,standing up to anyone for something you think is right,is very very difficult.You will be shunned,you will be stunned,you will doubt yourself but always look at the bigger picture dears.I know I have for 9n half years.To stand up for my decision of having married Mr. Right,I wasnt allowed to attend my sister's wedding,brother's wedding and every family function in between even though they resided 20 mins away from me.

So think about it.If you dont have the guts,go with the flow and live your life.DOnt rattle any cage,if you dont know if you contain what lies within.

My perception of college....as a stupid teen !

2011-04-23T14:34:00.000+03:00

Every Indian girl dreams of the same thing as she enters her
teen years.Im going to wear the latest clothes,songs will be
sung by the boys,there will be a lot of flirting,there will
be lots of dancing and picnics and the most important of
all,we will be finally carrying just 4 books to college.I
dont know if all the girls do believe this but I was an
ardent believer of this theory.Now you know how messed up I
was,I really didnt stand a chance in the crazy world.

To my bad luck,my dad commanded I continue at Little rock
because someone had to be there for the younger siblings.The
cross one has to bear because he popped out first into this
nutty world.All my college ke sapne came crashing down when

I realised I had to wear a uniform,a hopeless one at that
with the V shaped dupatta pinned across your chest.The only
glamorous thing for me was my chappals.That was the one
thing that got me excited every morning when getting ready
for school.

The next 2 years were dedicated to studying and finishing
the school phase.I had to get through it,maybe then I would
enter the filmi style college life without my dad breathing
down my throat to keep company to my siblings at every
moment of my life.

In the end,I ended up in this strict college,thanks to my
dad who was ever present to re enforce his commands.We
werent allowed to wear pants,nothing knee length or
shorter,it was just salwar kameez and long skirts and
tops.The college had a good rapport as to having excellent
lecturers,good teaching skills and all but by then I was
turning 18 and my dreams of living the ideal college life
was fading away.I had to stay in a hostel and I was like,"No
way! Jail me entry dobara....mene kisi ka kya bigada
hai....devaaaa!"

You cannot go out,you cannot loiter around,you cannot
bunk,you cannot watch movies first day ,first show,you had
to all things yourself and still had to listen to some
authority figure.I was frustated,so I did the only thing I
could.Study and keep on studying well.

Within months of beginning my degree,I realised many things.

1) Whats with these never ending studying,notes,lectures,why
is microbiology so hard? I actually wanted to slap myself
everytime I sat for hours in the library making notes and
studying for microbiology.To be honest,I actually simply
ticked on microbiology,coz I thought I wouldnt get a seat.To
my shock,girls were being [particular not to choose this
subject,coz they all knew what it included and I,stupid as
Iam, didnt know what it was.

2) Since its an all women's college,no guys to feast eyes on
or vice versa,there could be no infatuations,no ladke ko
impress karne ke liye fashion karne ka masla.I had such a
horrid,boring wardrobe in my college days.It all contained
very few salwar kameez,long black skirts and T shirts.None
of them matched,none of them were even remotely
feminine,Even I wasnt remotely feminine.I had the shortest
hair,it was like Saif Ali Khan in Omkara.The one womanly
thing I did was buy a lakme lipstick which I wore soemtimes
and I wore eyeliner under my glasses.

But I had my share of fun back then.I made excellent friends
for life.I learnt many things from the ladies I knew.I did
everything I wanted to and dreamt of but I wont jot them
down .A gentleman never kisses and tells.I cant say a lady
coz ladies cannot keep anything to themselves.They spill the
beans very easily when there are eager ears around.

I was actually watching some of these old songs from the
movies of the 90s and It just came all back to me as to what
I thought life was.But at age 34,I stand corrected.Life is a
bitch.She has to bite you at times for you to learn your
lesson.ANd a lesson learnt well.

Cricket world Cup 2011 April 2nd.

2011-04-02T20:44:00.000+03:00

India won over Sri Lanka by 6 wickets and 277 runs.Bless India and that hard working cricket team.

India has won its world cup after 28 years.For the first time in the past 10 world cups,a country has won chasing.Gambhir and Dhoni did extremely well.Congrats to us indians.

Weddings

2011-03-26T17:33:00.000+03:00

I miss indian weddings.Recently After watching band bajaa baraat,Im just hoping someone plans on marrying here.Pakistani weddings,I've heard,can be just like hindu weddings with endless ceremonies.But the people among our families have already tied the knot and are busying in making ready their progeny.

I remember the first wedding I attended in Kuwait.I must have been 3 and didnt know what being shy meant when it came to dancing.I remember it was on this huge ship converted into a wedding hall.I wore a 70s styled red color dress and I remember and am told by some of my family friends,that I danced to every song alone on the stage.They were so happy to see some kid go gaga over every song,that I was given a present for dancing the life out of me.Well, as the years went by,things changed.I learnt to be a bit shy and danced when 10 or more started charging towards the dance floor.

To me a good wedding is where everyone is able to have fun ,be it with food or by dancing or simply being with friends.But dancing I think brings out that rawness and fun out of you.You can go wild and no one will say anything coz everyone wants to do the same.

Weddings in Kuwait were as usual the same as everywhere.Wearing the latest outfits,wearing every piece of gold ,flowers on the head,perfumes which can choke you,makeup of every colour.

My mom and her sisters were the first to scream on receiving an invitation.Then it was like,we must buy this sari and that sari,nah ! this is the latest..Hey,that color...Once they were done with themselves,they focused on us.My mom would go nuts over our clothes.She wanted us to stand out in the crowd and my Gosh we did,I have the fotos to prove it.It was the 80s and shimmering not,clothes that were as bright as the Sun were in fashion.Sequins and what not....I hated most of the outfits she got stitched for us and getting ready on the day was a nightmare.There was a lot of shouting,shoes flying,clothes flying all over,then there were some slappings and beatings,but when we left the house we all had to have a smile,be it plastic or genuine.

Our mom lectured us all the while we tried to reach the venue.Her rules were :-

1)Better have a big smile when someone greets you.Be polite.

2)When someone wants to dance with you,shut it and say yes.(no shortage of men whose wives wouldnt dance with them and we kids had to take that punishment.)

3) Better not tag on your clothes and give an impression you aint liking it.

4)Keep a track on your dad,cannot loose a man in a hall who is drinking as if its his last.

5)When I call for you,better be there.Dont make me come after you.

6)Dont sit like boys,keep your legs together.DOnt pick on your nose or hair or the flowers on your head.DOnt pull on your underwear.

7)If you have to go to the loo,find me or if you go to the toilet,make sure you dont dirty the shoes and definitely wash your hands.Dont hold on to your crotch if you cant control.

8) Better not go for a second serving.Dont act like you have not seen food before.Suzaan,you better not be holding another drumstick in your hand.You want to eat more cake,ask politely.Dont hover over a waiter.

9)Take a little of everything from the buffet,one should taste everything.You dont like something,give it to me.Dont make a face in front of people.

10) Dance as much as you want.Be careful of your gold and your feet.

Those were most of the rules.

Then after the 90s,when we went to India,I attended my first desi wedding.It was very very different.Instead of a DJ,there was the local band playing weird desi numbers.There were konkani songs on most of the time and people danced weird.It was like Amitabh BAchan's step.Or I called it the chicken dance.The arms flapping around like a chicken.Everyone ,including the bride, wore a sari.The old women sang tunes which seemed almost tribal.Instead of feeling like a guest,I felt like an foreigner,trying to make sense of everything.It did have its own charm and all but I couldnt keep dancing like a chicken and when I did try to dance to an english number,people thought it was crap and it was embarassing.They thought it was very robot like emotion less.

There is a reason I love tamil songs.Watch them,they dance like crazy and simply shake and jiggle and wiggle around.It like Im lovin it and I dont care what u have to say coz we dance this way.

When you get the hang of it,you do enjoy it but I was getting to know my relatives and learning the meaning of the various functions.And when you are a teenager,you rather stand out than blend in.Over the years,my mom realised I had a head of my own and I would never do things I never liked for anyone.My dad knew I was like him.

Anyways,I never had a function at all when I got married.No red outfit,no jewellery,no dancing,nothing.We got married in the court of law.It was hello hello,I do I do,bye bye.Im thinking of making it up to me by having a samll gathering during my 10th anniversary,lets see how it goes?

I have attended 2 weddings in Pakistan but of them were very simple,sober kind of affairs.Not too much show sha....and having a conservative husband doesnt help either.In Islam,you arent suppose to have tarditions man made and rather have a simple affair.The bride and the groom are the main highlights,they dress well and so do the guests.Its a straight thing - COme ,eat,bless and go.

Anyways,I dont love weddings so much as I did before.Maybe I missed on 2 of the most important weddings of my life and that I find the other sober kinds,boring.

All I do now is pray at every wedding and this hasnt changed,that the couple find each other in every way,they discover their soulmates in each other and work on a love that lasts forever.

8:27 PM 2/25/2011

2011-02-26T18:03:00.000+03:00

I was watching this episode on National geographic channel regarding the most amazing photographs.Though the topic is a real study,what made them amazing wasn't all that nice.It was this middle eastern photographer touring Afghanistan and trying to captivate a little of what essence is left in that God Forsaken country literally.He photographed this girl,not more than 13 years of age.She had blown an arm off in a bomb blast.She stood still for the photograph but it wasnt the arm I kept looking at,it was her eyes.

Her eyes told stories of horror,of destruction ,of famine and about many things most of us generally get to experience in our senile years or maybe not even then.There was this copy of national geographic that made headlines with the cover photo.The photo of the Afghani girl with cat eyes.Looking into them was learning what sadness really was.

All this sadness reminded me of this video I saw online on facebook.Someone forwarded it to me and has been one of the most chilling and horrifying to listen even.Oh all humanity has gone to crap.This woman spoke about the children and herself,in a hope to create awareness among people and thus,induce some sense of sympathy.At the end of it,I hated myself for being human.And put a wrath on all such animals.

It was about child rape,mass rape and prostitution.A 4 year old girl was raped by more than 100 men and her intestines were spewing out of her vagina from all the violent rape of her tiny baby body.What the fuck have people come down to? Such men should be castrated physically.The speaker herself was gang raped by 8 men when she was 14 yrs old.

I read such articles and just cannot trust anyone for at least a week.You have legalley granted prostitution allotted to freaks,dance bars ,gay bars and what not,and someone still feels the need to rape a child.Im disgusted with us humans who try to go all out there and embrace the new.I wish god just struck such bad people down at the very moment when something like this happens.

Anyways,I would want to forget this topic for now and go on to a happy note.Chopped my hair coz I had a medication side effect alopecia.Plucked my eyebrows just perfect,the first time on my own,might I add.I have a horror movie in my PC which Im afraid to watch on my own.Im spending the weekend all alone.The governement has renovated this beach close to my house with exercise machines and swings and the best thing its beautiful,free and has a joggers park as well.Im dying to have good get together when my husband is done with his emergency duty.I cooked chicken curry with rice and had a over nice helping of it and Im glimpsing at my tummy every now and then and doing Baba Ramdev's tummy exercise wherever Im am in the hope of melting down some fat and dropping some pounds.Yeah ! The more I obsess,the more I do Baba's tummy toning and freak about gaining half a kg or more.The other day i was watching this tamil song I love and broke into this tiny dance lasting 40 seconds.Ended up panting like a cheetah after a 50 mile run.My husband was so pissed off,he was like," Continue doing your item number.I wont even take you to the hospital this time."But it was 40 seconds of pleasure to me.It took me a whole 20 minutes to collect my breath.Its a sad picture all right but Hypertension isnt a wonderful disease to live with.

Oh yeah ! I have a great remedy for stinky feet.Got it from Dr.Oz's show.Boil tea in a water,cool the black tea down real well and then have a foot bath for 15 minutes.Wash and scrub your feet before you immerse them ,dont want crap to blend into the concoction.dry your feet up after the dip and let the foot breathe.Vola! Do this for a week and then every alternate day.