AN NIGHTMARE AND A BLESSING !

It all started with a stomach ache and gas trouble.I tried every remedy known to me but then something else was wrong too.I had trouble collecting my breath and then one evening all hell went loose and I satrted having chest pains.We went for a routine check up at the hospital and after about 40 minutes,when my turn had finally come,my Blood pressure(BP) was a 200/130.They immediately took me to the emergency room ,had an ECG done,gave me meds to lower my blood pressure which refused to go down inspite of all meds and finally I was admitted in the hospital.

The next 5 days were a nightmare for me coz the 2 times I went into severe chest pain,I thought that this was it and I was going to die.I recited my last prayers both these times and worried that I wouldnt be able to tell my husband the few words I wanted to.The meds I had taken,some family tensions and the sadness at times were overwhelming I guess and they all just came into action with this.

But it was later on I realised a few life lessons.I wasnt invincible,I had to die the time God intended it to happen and How precious taking care of our body and mind was.I realised again for the hundreth time,that I had made no mistake in marrying my husband even though my family hasnt approved of him in 9 years.I also learnt that in calming my mind,I brought peace to my heart literally and emotionally.

My heart broke into a gazillion pieces when i saw my husband turn white with horror when I had my second and third pains.

But then when my BP wasnt going down no matter what,my doctors and nurses realised that I was too attached to my home(husband) and no way was I going to get well in the hospital.They discharged me 2 days ago even though I had 169/108.Now in just 2 days my BP has lowered down to 150/100.And today it was a bit lower than this but maybe it was my medications working well along with the happiness and joy of coming back home.Hopefully ,I will return back to normal soon.I have many doctor trips ensured for a long time and lots of tests and saltless recipes to endure.But its okay.Im just glad to be home.

When I revisited my doctor,he was glad to see some color on my face and relieved he hadnt made a mistake in sending me home with high BP.

SO this has been one of the many life lessons for me.And hopefully I will never forget these lessons.In a way,If I hadnt had trouble breathing,I wouldnt have gone to the hospital and wouldnt have known how dangerously close I was to hurting myself or may have some life threatening problems.God does all things for a reason and Im thankful for this experience.Truly from my heart.It maybe difficult to see optimism at times like these but once you have got to that place of peace,it isnt that difficult.

My reason for blogging this is not to earn sympathy but Im trying in a way to convey,that everything happens for a reason and one shouldnt lose faith or hope.Live life well and respect it while you have it.

Im much better now.My husband hasnt allowed me to be active in any form,so Im lazing around.I have been advised bed rest for a month or at least till my BP returns to normal.But I feel Im getting better already.The food is a little difficult.To quit salt cold turkey is very difficult.But I guess i will do anything just to see that smile on my husband's face.My friends have been a constant support.Not sure if I can handle all this pampering.I scared the crap out of my 9 month pregnant sister.Everytime I switch the fan on or sigh,people immediately look at me.I have eaten a whole lot of oranges and fruits and right now I have to pee all the salt and toxins out of my body as a much as a I can.Im learning to care for that ONe organ that does so many things from Love to life.Wish me luck.

People ask me what were your symptoms.I think its good to give out some information.When my BP shot off,I had pain my arms,shoulders and teeth.I had severe headaches and of course pain in my chest.I didnt sweat that much this time and I turned bright red in color.Even my ears turned red and my body got heated up.When you find it difficult to breathe,sleep on your left hand side.And take deep breaths.I usually have severe panic attacks when im worried and in pain.During panic attacks,your breathing gets shallow and only your pulse shoots up.I think.Look up.Even epigastric pains can be painful.

Anyways,Im done for now,I feel tired.

If I had a 24 hours to live....

I will not hide the fact that I copied this topic from my friend's blog,Sujatha satya. Sorry Suji,but its great topic.

It reminded me of this Queen Latifa film in which she is told she has a few months to live and her mistaken MRI report,sets her off on this dream she wanted to live before she died.In the movie,its going to the salon and having a makeover of her face.Cosmetics wise that is.SHe goes to a haute couture store and buys some of the fine outfits that make her look like a hot femme fatale.By the way,I admire the fact she respects her body and loves it for being plus size.She is an inspiration to me.I dont yearn to look skinny but have always loved my flubber blubber body.I did want to have a thin frame alright but its just not in my genes.So I do love what I have.

Now if I found out I had 24 hours to live,what would I do?

I probably would cry for a solid 30 minutes because I didnt want to die at all.I would curse everything around and if it turned out that it was because of my own doing,like poor diet or an health issue which I could have taken care but was lazy too,I would cry harder.If it was cancer or some disease which took over and then ,after crying for 30 mins,I would finally accept my fate and do what I wanted to do.

Taking my husband to India would be a difficult task,so most probably I would do that alone.I would go for a few hours,meet my folks,reconcile,tell my good byes and come back straight to kuwait.

In the meantime,when tickets are being booked,I would go to a wonderful restaurant with my husband,eat cake and eat to glory some of my favourite dishes.

I would book a suite in the best hotel and make passionate love to my husband one last time and cry with him.All this would take almost 2 hours by which time,I would go to india,meet my folks for 2 hours and take the next flight back to kuwait within the hour.

By the time Im back,I will have my sister and brother invited with all my friends to my favourite beach spot,where I will have arranged a fantastic banquet for all and we will eat,say my good byes,kiss all of them,wish them my heartiest.

I would shop at the best spot and buy that one outfit which makes me look like a goddess and have my hubby dress in a suit.I would tell everyone to leave us alone and go to the beach with my hubby where I will tell him all what I want to.I will command him to grieve for a few months for me before he decides to remarry.I will hug him and kiss him and ask him to hold me tight and not let go.

There will be a lot of crying,unbelivable crying from my side especially and I would discuss my funeral too.I would want a tree to be planted over my grave or by the side of it.

During this whole time,I would click 1000s of pictures and tell my husband to keep them as memories forever.

In the evening,with few hours left,I would not entertain anyone else,I would return to my home and sleep by my husband's side and ask him to hold me and tell me I love you a gazillion times until I breathe my last.

I would pray too for forgiveness of sins and say my last prayers but would still want to leave this world hearing an I love you in my ear from my husband.



Talking about death is painful for me.I have seen a man ,in his mid 20s,dying.He prayed hard,he read the bible continuously,he cried and prayed for strength.But then the day,we went to meet him,he saw my dad and completely broke down.He was in pain and most of all I saw fear in his eyes.He cried loudly saying he didnt want to die.It was too much for me to handle and he died a few weeks after that.I think he was 24 at the most and I was 19 back then.I thought to myself,he shouldnt have known about his illness,maybe then he would die in peace.

I had an aunt who died of uterine cancer.A beautiful healthy woman,who didnt know about her cancer.By the time,she was diagnosed of final stage of cancer,she had lost over 50 kg weight within a couple of months.She wasnt informed till the very last if Im not mistaken and she spoke of getting better soon.She too died a few days after I last saw her.That too was just too much to handle for me.I was 14 or maybe 15.

Its hard to come to terms with death and my hubby says one should fear death because it is the only thing that makes us all humble and know we are after God's creation,come from dust and to be returned to dust.

I always think to myself,that in the last moment ,I have enough time to say my good byes and love yous and be able to say my last prayer and die with dignity.

I wrote all this in 10 minutes without blinking I think.

In the future for me...

I recently had been on a mini shopping spree with my brother.The smallest of the Fernandes clan and the last existent bachelor I know of.No ,I have 3 more cousin bros to tie the knot.The mini spree was anything but mini and my brother is anything but small.hehheheh.....


Jokes apart,my brother is tying the knot very soon,in a month's time.Im happy for him and kind of full of anxiety.Though its all as per he wanted...he is my youngest brother and to me ,he is still that big eyed baby in diapers.To think within a few years ,he will be changing stinky diapers of his own progeny...its a bit hard to imagine.

What is making this whole experience of seeing him preparing himself to be "imprisoned for life",is to see him grow as a man...a man who is complete..who is honest and loving.Hard working and maybe romantic.The most romantic thing he did for his siters...was make eggs on sunday for breakfast.And he was damn good at it.

My sister is on the verge of entering her 3rd trimester and I just cant wait to see the first by-product of the Rodrigues and Fernandes clan.Its a "he" and He has already been named "Nathan".She is preparing herself for motherhood by avoiding sweets with little success and sleeping whenever she can find the time.

SO there are 2 great things happening within the next 6 months.My brother will be married and my sister will have a boy by the second week of January.

Im still smiling,still growing fat....still blogging and waiting for people to write in their blogs.

Friday chats.

I have lately installed DishTV,and It has got me completely hooked.So many interesting things to watch,silly things,useless things,wise things,interesting things and things full of knowledge.I don't get bored and so far,I'm 3 weeks into it.Bollywood gupshup and new songs and new movies and all things of discovery and national geographic.I love it,even the ads are having an effect on me.
There's this ad which caught my fancy,which was with age,skin gets dry.I don't even remember what cream its advertising actually but the dry skin thing got me.I started using moisturisers a year ago.Staying indoors with A/C 24/7 can dry up your skin easily but then ,since we aren't getting any younger,I started my routine.I wash my face and immediately put on a moisturiser.It works wonders actually,I have never had such good skin.I do have my moles and beauty spots all over my face but that's a part of me.But the basic skin has shown tremendous improvement.Allowing our skin to sweat is very good too.We do all we can to avoid sweating.But actually its very healthy to sweat and let all those toxins ooze out.

I sweat very easily.And I sweat in places ,where most people don't sweat in.I'm not going to mention them,its very "Eee...ww" to say but I guess many people will secretly identify with me.

I watched "Dabangg".And i loved it.I found Salman extremely hot In his khaki uniform and his killer chashma.The movie is okay,most o the action sequences inspired from top action Hollywood movies like transporter 1&2 and many more.but to watch one time its good.I ,at first didn't like "munni badnaam hui" song, but I'm humming it all the time and I love the part where Salman dances the steps with Malaika.

Coming to Malaika,I haven't seen anyone with such bony ass in my life.Its like the lower back and ass are not muscles but one huge fused bone.I hate her figure.She's too anorexic for my taste.Rakhi Sawant has a better bod than her but the best leading figures are Mallika Sherawat and Shilpa Shetty.There should be some flesh in the ass.I could spare a Kg and a half of mine with anyone who lacks one.

Today,my Jaanu is going to cook dinner.He bought some desis red potatoes and brinjals and hes going to cook baingan-aloo.I don't like the dish at all.But I'm not fussy in terms of food.I will eat anything even if it sucks or not my kind.My Jaanu refuses to agree to that,but no..I'm not fussy.

I just friend some chicken wings for us for tea.Yeah ! He's like who eats fried stuff with tea.I was like,want to eat ...eat.If one can eat sugar infused biscuits,why not deep fried buffalo wings.I knew ,he couldn't resist it.They were so well fried...and tender that they broke apart when tugged on lightly.He ate 4,I had 5.One should have a variety.If not in bed,then maybe at( not On) the dinner table.;>

You know what I feel like doing right about now,wearing green eye shadow and going out.but with hubby at work and me all alone.I guess....will do the dishes and do the laundry.We wear so many clothes and change so many times.I guess I'm addicted to washing.