Reading my friend's blog on her fear about a blooming friendship at school,I just thought I could have a little more to comment than a few lines offered at the comment post.
I think when everyone has a daughter,along with knowing they will have someone who will love them and do more than a son i.e. until she gets married.I mean she will cook,help at home,take care of her parent's personal need and will be more expressive and appreciative.
There is this constant fear about her when you learn your daughter isnt a child anymore.
Parents adopt many different attitudes,angles ,actions when raising their child.Everyone wants a child who respects,studys well,is a good person,gets through life well and does well for themselves.Some take a strict approach and some are pretty linient with their kid.SOme are over protective and dont let their child take any chances fearing the worst while some just laugh saying they are the ones who will have to do all on their own,so no age is too young.But I have realised one thing,there is no perfect lesson to teach.Hover over them but give them space.Be open about everything but know your kids will never be a 100% honest with you about everything.And when raising your child remember,too much of everything is not good,be it nice or bad.You too were once a child and a teen,so dont act as if you came out of your mother's womb with all knowledge of life at age 25.Let your child make a mistake and learn ways of explaining their mistakes to them.Beating your child to show they were wrong is not wrong,beating them senseless or for no reason is.
When I was 15 and years after that,I loved to flirt,didnt fool around as such but yes i loved getting attention.But then came my sister,growing up into this cute girl and the day she satrted applying lipstick to college,I started worrying.I would wonder what if some guy found her cute,what if some guy "line marofied" her,what if she fell in love,what if????? Even though I knew it was my parent's job and not mine,I felt so responsible coz i was in charge of them.We women are such nutjobs,thinking we hold the weight of the world on our shoulders.If she came in late,I worried.Sleepless nights and I wondered how and what should be done,so that she is honest with me,trusts me enough to tell me everything.
I tried being strict which led to successful literal slapping and bitch slapping.Doors being banged to the extent they would fall off,screaming to the heights that one would burst their voice box,crying away to the point when the oceans felt as small as ponds and worrying to the dawn of panic attacks and mini heart attacks.The grotto at the church became a confession and begging for some sort of redemption point.The thing is running away felt like the best option.
Then came the day with a good friend's intervention,things smoothened up and finally we both got a breakthrough.and to date I think we can be honest and frank about many things without the tacky emotions coming in between.
I finally realised and learnt,that by giving both of my siblings space and understanding,freedom of expression and actions,it led them to see things from their own perspective.Of course,My daily dose of experiences of my life and that of others around me and some advice didnt go waste.
Setting a good example is important too.I cannot be boozing away,dancing in clubs,wearing skimpy stuff and expect my kids to grow into saints.Teaching your kids at a young age about things,introducing them to reality,one bit at a time is a great way to ease them into this world.Being open about sex and the bad wrold out there is considered a sort of a taboo even now and sort of frowned upon by our elders.Children not only mimic their parents but they mimic the television and everyone else they see all day.Everyone has a share in influencing one self.So if its true for adults,its definitely true for kids.
To Sujatha's question,Should we fear for our kids ,seeing what the world is going to! Yes,we should.What kind of people would we be if we didnt worry for our loved ones.Or think about them.It is but natural to fret over over things we love and what if that is a part of us.So it might be needless fear but without that fear,our kids would one day freak out if we told them we really didnt care enough to at list mentally torture ourself.After all its not fear ,its love.
I think when everyone has a daughter,along with knowing they will have someone who will love them and do more than a son i.e. until she gets married.I mean she will cook,help at home,take care of her parent's personal need and will be more expressive and appreciative.
There is this constant fear about her when you learn your daughter isnt a child anymore.
Parents adopt many different attitudes,angles ,actions when raising their child.Everyone wants a child who respects,studys well,is a good person,gets through life well and does well for themselves.Some take a strict approach and some are pretty linient with their kid.SOme are over protective and dont let their child take any chances fearing the worst while some just laugh saying they are the ones who will have to do all on their own,so no age is too young.But I have realised one thing,there is no perfect lesson to teach.Hover over them but give them space.Be open about everything but know your kids will never be a 100% honest with you about everything.And when raising your child remember,too much of everything is not good,be it nice or bad.You too were once a child and a teen,so dont act as if you came out of your mother's womb with all knowledge of life at age 25.Let your child make a mistake and learn ways of explaining their mistakes to them.Beating your child to show they were wrong is not wrong,beating them senseless or for no reason is.
When I was 15 and years after that,I loved to flirt,didnt fool around as such but yes i loved getting attention.But then came my sister,growing up into this cute girl and the day she satrted applying lipstick to college,I started worrying.I would wonder what if some guy found her cute,what if some guy "line marofied" her,what if she fell in love,what if????? Even though I knew it was my parent's job and not mine,I felt so responsible coz i was in charge of them.We women are such nutjobs,thinking we hold the weight of the world on our shoulders.If she came in late,I worried.Sleepless nights and I wondered how and what should be done,so that she is honest with me,trusts me enough to tell me everything.
I tried being strict which led to successful literal slapping and bitch slapping.Doors being banged to the extent they would fall off,screaming to the heights that one would burst their voice box,crying away to the point when the oceans felt as small as ponds and worrying to the dawn of panic attacks and mini heart attacks.The grotto at the church became a confession and begging for some sort of redemption point.The thing is running away felt like the best option.
Then came the day with a good friend's intervention,things smoothened up and finally we both got a breakthrough.and to date I think we can be honest and frank about many things without the tacky emotions coming in between.
I finally realised and learnt,that by giving both of my siblings space and understanding,freedom of expression and actions,it led them to see things from their own perspective.Of course,My daily dose of experiences of my life and that of others around me and some advice didnt go waste.
Setting a good example is important too.I cannot be boozing away,dancing in clubs,wearing skimpy stuff and expect my kids to grow into saints.Teaching your kids at a young age about things,introducing them to reality,one bit at a time is a great way to ease them into this world.Being open about sex and the bad wrold out there is considered a sort of a taboo even now and sort of frowned upon by our elders.Children not only mimic their parents but they mimic the television and everyone else they see all day.Everyone has a share in influencing one self.So if its true for adults,its definitely true for kids.
To Sujatha's question,Should we fear for our kids ,seeing what the world is going to! Yes,we should.What kind of people would we be if we didnt worry for our loved ones.Or think about them.It is but natural to fret over over things we love and what if that is a part of us.So it might be needless fear but without that fear,our kids would one day freak out if we told them we really didnt care enough to at list mentally torture ourself.After all its not fear ,its love.
wow.
ReplyDeletegr8 takeoff & perfect landing
this is oneof the pieces on ur blog i've read breathlessly