Colors of my thoughts

Christmas this year again was another flop event.Neither I was invited nor my family came to my place to meet with me. They used to moments to look forward to some time ago but now gradually its becoming that festival which isnt my own anymore coz when you dont celebrate it,its just another holiday. New year is on the horizon and Im thinking about resolutions.These are things which i will laugh 6 months down the lane over coz they will seem impossible to accomplish and therefore,ridiculous to think about.But a few have to be kept coz my life (health) will depend on it. First being - SALT.I vow to use less salt in my food.No matter how bad it tastes,I will have to do it. Second being _ STRESS.I vow to learn how to keep my stress under control which will in turn help me mind and body wise.I fret a lot over my family issues.That is the family thats there and gives me a headache and a family that hasnt been there at all and gives me all the more headache. Third being - W...

Another year has come to an end and at this point I dont know how I feel to put behind 33 years of my life. I went for some bird shopping and plant shopping today.The beautiful singing birds are so damn expensive and then couldnt go for plant hunting.I was so tired in the end but I walked for almost an hour today.Which is a big deal since I came out of the hospital. I saw amazing birds and cute rabbits dressed in dresses and tiny outfits.I saw persian cats and cute shaggy dogs.I saw african parrots ,one of which made sounds like a monkey,whistled,made laughing noises and it seemed as if it was trying to impress us.If i only had the money to afford it.It cost upto 50 grand. Another Christmas is going to pass by and I again will not have a chance to celebrate it.I was looking forward to having one but it became a flop show idea.Looking forward to going to the beach to have a one on one time with the sun.It gets dark by 4pm and it seems like night fall by 6 and miss the sunsets.

It all started with a stomach ache and gas trouble.I tried every remedy known to me but then something else was wrong too.I had trouble collecting my breath and then one evening all hell went loose and I satrted having chest pains.We went for a routine check up at the hospital and after about 40 minutes,when my turn had finally come,my Blood pressure(BP) was a 200/130.They immediately took me to the emergency room ,had an ECG done,gave me meds to lower my blood pressure which refused to go down inspite of all meds and finally I was admitted in the hospital. The next 5 days were a nightmare for me coz the 2 times I went into severe chest pain,I thought that this was it and I was going to die.I recited my last prayers both these times and worried that I wouldnt be able to tell my husband the few words I wanted to.The meds I had taken,some family tensions and the sadness at times were overwhelming I guess and they all just came into action with this. But it was later on I realised a f...

I will not hide the fact that I copied this topic from my friend's blog,Sujatha satya. Sorry Suji,but its great topic. It reminded me of this Queen Latifa film in which she is told she has a few months to live and her mistaken MRI report,sets her off on this dream she wanted to live before she died.In the movie,its going to the salon and having a makeover of her face.Cosmetics wise that is.SHe goes to a haute couture store and buys some of the fine outfits that make her look like a hot femme fatale.By the way,I admire the fact she respects her body and loves it for being plus size.She is an inspiration to me.I dont yearn to look skinny but have always loved my flubber blubber body.I did want to have a thin frame alright but its just not in my genes.So I do love what I have. Now if I found out I had 24 hours to live,what would I do? I probably would cry for a solid 30 minutes because I didnt want to die at all.I would curse everything around and if it turned out that it was be...

I recently had been on a mini shopping spree with my brother.The smallest of the Fernandes clan and the last existent bachelor I know of.No ,I have 3 more cousin bros to tie the knot.The mini spree was anything but mini and my brother is anything but small.hehheheh..... Jokes apart,my brother is tying the knot very soon,in a month's time.Im happy for him and kind of full of anxiety.Though its all as per he wanted...he is my youngest brother and to me ,he is still that big eyed baby in diapers.To think within a few years ,he will be changing stinky diapers of his own progeny...its a bit hard to imagine. What is making this whole experience of seeing him preparing himself to be "imprisoned for life",is to see him grow as a man...a man who is complete..who is honest and loving.Hard working and maybe romantic.The most romantic thing he did for his siters...was make eggs on sunday for breakfast.And he was damn good at it. My sister is on the verge of entering her 3rd tr...

I have lately installed DishTV,and It has got me completely hooked.So many interesting things to watch,silly things,useless things,wise things,interesting things and things full of knowledge.I don't get bored and so far,I'm 3 weeks into it.Bollywood gupshup and new songs and new movies and all things of discovery and national geographic.I love it,even the ads are having an effect on me. There's this ad which caught my fancy,which was with age,skin gets dry.I don't even remember what cream its advertising actually but the dry skin thing got me.I started using moisturisers a year ago.Staying indoors with A/C 24/7 can dry up your skin easily but then ,since we aren't getting any younger,I started my routine.I wash my face and immediately put on a moisturiser.It works wonders actually,I have never had such good skin.I do have my moles and beauty spots all over my face but that's a part of me.But the basic skin has shown tremendous improvement.Allowing our skin to s...

I watched "I hate Love stories" yesterday and wasn't as impressed as I thought I would be.As the movie states,too many movies have been made based on love stories,so we are familiar with every angle and nothing innovative can be thought of or nothing different happens out there to be made into a movie anymore.Good girls are attracted to bad boys and bad boys are attracted to good ones. I just realised,like the many others who did so too,that falling in love is something everyone dreams of but few have their prayers answered.Most of us don't even realise for a long time,that it was just infatuation and not love.And many of us just dont recognise the ' evil in the opposite sex,who merely want to have fun and will make you believe in the impossible to get you to do things to them.But every girl and boy do try it.They may fall for their cousins or neighbours or friends.Just for the experience of what it really feels like.I do feel sad for the one didn...

Reading my friend's blog on her fear about a blooming friendship at school,I just thought I could have a little more to comment than a few lines offered at the comment post. I think when everyone has a daughter,along with knowing they will have someone who will love them and do more than a son i.e. until she gets married.I mean she will cook,help at home,take care of her parent's personal need and will be more expressive and appreciative. There is this constant fear about her when you learn your daughter isnt a child anymore. Parents adopt many different attitudes,angles ,actions when raising their child.Everyone wants a child who respects,studys well,is a good person,gets through life well and does well for themselves.Some take a strict approach and some are pretty linient with their kid.SOme are over protective and dont let their child take any chances fearing the worst while some just laugh saying they are the ones who will have to do all on their own,so no age is too...

My maiden name was Suzaan Sandra Fernandes.My name now is still the same but Im called Aishah by friends. Meanings of my names :- Suzaan: Lily variant of the hebrew name Susan ,Its of african/Dutch origin,In the apocryphal Book of Tobit Susannah courageously defended herself against wrongful accusation. White lilies grew in the Biblical city of Susa in Persia. Sandra : God's helper. Helper of mankind. Short form of Alexandra. Fernandes : is a family name of portugese or spanish origin. Aishah : is a variant of Aisha (Arabic), and the meaning of Aishah is "alive and well". Also,Womanly / lively / life . Your birth tree is   Weeping Willow, the Melancholy Beautiful but full of melancholy, attractive, very empathic, loves anything beautiful and tasteful, loves to travel, dreamer, restless, capricious, honest, can be influenced but is not easy to live with, demanding, good intuition, suffers in love but finds sometimes an anchoring partner.   The mo...

Now Iam dedicating this Bryan Adams classic song - " 18 til I die" to myself. Wanna be young - the rest of my life Never say no - try anything twice Til the angels come - and ask me to fly Gonna be 18 til I die Can’t live forever - that’s wishful thinkin’ Who ever said that - must of bin’ drinkin’ Don’t wanna grow up - I don’t see why I couldn’t care less if time flies by 18 til I die - gonna be 18 til I die Ya it sure feels good to be alive Someday I’ll be 18 goin’ on 55! - 18 til I die Anyway - I just wanna say Why bother with what happened yesterday It’s not my style - I live for the minute If ya wanna stay young - get both feet in it - 18 til I die A ‘lil bit of this - a ‘lil bit of that ‘Lil bit of everything - gotta get on track It’s not how ya look, it’s what ya feel inside I don’t care when - I don’t need ta know why 18 til I die - gonna be 18 til I die Ya it sure feels good to be alive Someday I’ll be 18 goin’ on 55! - 18 til I die Ya the...

Im shopping for my nieces and nephews and since Eid is round the corner,I thought I will splurge a little in a box of good eye shadows and a treat for myself.I bought a few toys,some cute things for them to play with.FInally got to a shop and found perfect eye shadows and lipstick.Since I dont apply foundation at all,the eye shadows that I wear from the usual kit I have ,dont stand out at all.SO I thought go for those real dark creamy sort of eye shadows. Im a kind of person who loves her lipstick and kajal.2 things I never leave my home without.But after a month of plain jane,I look forward to dressing up.Since we are still in the peak of summer season,cannot wear anything but cotton wear.But it a wonderful to see,everyone from a toddler to oldies dressed in their best.Its like peacocks gone erratic. Anyways,I was with my friend.We went over to her place and I was waiting for my husband to pick me up.I leave my slippers outside for 5 minutes and then they are gone.The most comfortab...

What inspired me to write this piece was my husband,who came home yesterday night from completion of phase 2 of his project, with bad heat burns on his entire torso.He did some welding and was in one of his moods ,as it hurt a lot.Today ,he came back early from work,smiling from end to end,coz he got his leave and the medicated cream was finally doing good. This got me thinking why is he like that? Then I thought - even my brother and dad did so too,so the question popped,why are men like that? Why - Fart especially around you and you catch them,you will find them smirking away.Is that funny? Is that smell suppose to send me jiggling with laughter? And when you question them,The cliche' response is ,"Hey ! Its a natural thing.Its suppose to happen.God intended it to be so." Their idea of taking you out,could sometimes be,sitting in the car for hours ,while he and his friend are searching for something they feel is is very important and at the end of which,they will ...

Nowadays,my sleep pattern has taken for the worse.I dont sleep when I should and therefore sleep late.But then I dont oversleep but get up early as well.This continues for a couple of days and then one day I hit the pillow and sleep for long periods of time. First of all,I need to get this thing out of my head.I dreamt a couple of days ago,that I was a handsome man who just started dating this gorgeous woman.So on the day we meet at my primary school premises, where the electricity is absent,she tells me she has a 2 year old toddler.I light a candle and am very happy that I found a readymade family.As I go near the baby and touch his tiny hands,the baby scratches the flesh of it.I scream,the woman aint there at the moment,the kid turns Chucky on me,its hair gets all pointy,its eyes turn all black,the nails turn black and long and the child stands up with the scariest smile and says,"SO you think you can date my mom.Run ,run ,as fast as you can.Hide in those halls but I will find...

BABY: 1) Dad, when he gets a cold. 2) Mom’s youngest child, even if he’s 42. CARPET: Expensive floor covering used to catch spills and clean mud off shoes. COOK: 1) Act of preparing food for consumption. 2) Mom’s other name. DATE: Infrequent outings with Dad where Mom can enjoy worrying about the kids in a different setting. ENERGY: Element of vitality kids always have an oversupply of until asked to do something. FABLE: A story told by a teenager arriving home after curfew. FROZEN: 1) A type of food. 2) How hell will be like when Mom lets her daughter date an older guy with a motorcycle. GENIUSES: Amazingly, all of Mom’s kids. GUM: Adhesive for the hair. HANDI-WIPES: Pants, shirtsleeves, drapes, etc. HANDS: Body appendages which must be scrubbed raw with volcanic soap and sterilized in boiling water immediately prior to consumption of the evening meal. HINDSIGHT: What Mom experiences from changing too many diapers. HOMEMADE BREAD: An object of fiction like the...

I was on facebook and one of my friend had posted a Happy Raksha Bandhan on it.I actually started laughing because it reminded me of the good old days of college.Come Rakhi day and the boys would sweat at the sight of a good looking girl,wondering if she will wish me happy rakhi or worse tie one,and that would be the end of his fantasy.I never had that problem coz I was sort of a guy.:>.Anyways,we did have some chicks in our class and it was fun to see the manly men avoiding girls during breaks and what not. Then when I came to college,it was a totally different sight.Our college gates were the only visible thing from the outside.The main temples of study were located way inside.Firstly,you had the schools,then high school ,then Library and then the college classrooms.Since we were all women's college,we were surrounded by the opposite sex at all times outside our college. When you are between the ages of 17 - 21,you start prancing around like a peacock.The peacock should ha...

DO you have friends who are always under the impression,that no matter what you tell them,you are telling them out of jealousy.Hatred is understood so is anger.But why do people have envy at the back of their mind.Some people like to have constant good evaluations done about them and some just think they are the creme de la creme of just about everybody and everything. Now the creme de la creme group of people.These are people you will find amongst family members and distant friends.We wouldnt make them are friends, right ? No one likes to be looked down upon or sneered at !We wouldnt like to be constantly belittled in their presence. These are people who are doing well and live "the life".They have their own exclusive club.Appearances mean everything be it the clothes on their body or the things in their house or in what they utter at all public moments.They belive that everyone who isnt in their radar,is inferior or worth having around.What they are going to do,or where...

Our actions (body language) reflects our interest in various ways. In general, these actions manifest by instinct when we are facing people that we admire. For example, in intimate conversation, people usually look at each other's eyes. Sometimes we shift our vision from one eye to the other, and to the bridge of the nose. Some say that it’s rude to look at a stranger’s body, but when you really think about it, people really can’t help it when they feel attracted. When people are talking to mere acquaintances, they simply look at their eyes, but when people are interested in someone, they tend to notice a lot more than just the eyes and the nose. Also... looking at the someone's mouth can suggest interest in kissing. When two people enjoy similar things, they tend to move in sync with each other. This does not mean that every single move they make is exactly the same, but rather that their moods are the same. When people are interested in the person they’re talking to, they...

I bought a potty for my son before he turned a year old. It was one of the colorful, deluxe models with removable parts, a front- loading plastic bowl, and sure-grip sides. I’d been having glorious visions almost since I left the delivery room, of my brilliant progeny fully trained and diaper- free by 18 months... heck, make that 15 months. We’d be the envy of all my friends, whose deficient toddlers remained untrained at age two. I kept the commode in the closet for a few weeks, not wanting to place unrealistic expectations on my son. When I finally placed it, with much fanfare, in the bathroom, the child seemed delighted-- he examined it closely, giggled and squealed while I beamed as I planned how to spend the money I’d save on diapers. Over the next few months, however, the potty was transformed into a nagging symbol of intergenerational warfare. The first skirmish -- over positioning -- raged throughout the house and left me exhausted and demoralized. I would place the po...

...Your feet stick to the kitchen floor and you don't care. ...the kids are fighting, you threaten to lock them in a room together and not let them out until someone's bleeding. ...You can't find your cordless phone, so you ask a friend to call you, and you run around the house madly, following the sound until you locate the phone downstairs in the laundry basket. ...You spend an entire week wearing sweats. ...Your idea of a good day is making it through without a child leaking bodily fluids on you. ...Popsicles become a food staple. ...Your favorite television show is a cartoon. ...Peanut butter and jelly is eaten at least in one meal a day. ...You're willing to kiss your child's boo-boo, regardless of what body part it happens to be on. ...Your baby's pacifier falls on the floor and you give it back to her after you suck the dirt off of it because you're too busy to wash it off. ...You value sleep above all el...

I found this article online and found it to be almost truthful and funny at the same time.See if you share the same feeling and please dont be offended in any way. Why Breed? Reasons given : I can’t help it, it’s a biological urge. Real reasons  : Unexamined motivations. Suggested alternatives  : Institutions await those who can’t control                                     their biological urges. Reasons given : Want to give our parents grandchildren. Real reasons : Still seeking parental approval. Suggested alternatives : Live your own life and encourage your parents to do the same. Reasons given : I just love children. Real reasons : Out of touch with inner child, and with existing children. Suggested alternatives : Adopt, step, and foster parenting. Big Bro...