Colors of my thoughts

Christmas this year again was another flop event.Neither I was invited nor my family came to my place to meet with me. They used to moments to look forward to some time ago but now gradually its becoming that festival which isnt my own anymore coz when you dont celebrate it,its just another holiday. New year is on the horizon and Im thinking about resolutions.These are things which i will laugh 6 months down the lane over coz they will seem impossible to accomplish and therefore,ridiculous to think about.But a few have to be kept coz my life (health) will depend on it. First being - SALT.I vow to use less salt in my food.No matter how bad it tastes,I will have to do it. Second being _ STRESS.I vow to learn how to keep my stress under control which will in turn help me mind and body wise.I fret a lot over my family issues.That is the family thats there and gives me a headache and a family that hasnt been there at all and gives me all the more headache. Third being - W...

Another year has come to an end and at this point I dont know how I feel to put behind 33 years of my life. I went for some bird shopping and plant shopping today.The beautiful singing birds are so damn expensive and then couldnt go for plant hunting.I was so tired in the end but I walked for almost an hour today.Which is a big deal since I came out of the hospital. I saw amazing birds and cute rabbits dressed in dresses and tiny outfits.I saw persian cats and cute shaggy dogs.I saw african parrots ,one of which made sounds like a monkey,whistled,made laughing noises and it seemed as if it was trying to impress us.If i only had the money to afford it.It cost upto 50 grand. Another Christmas is going to pass by and I again will not have a chance to celebrate it.I was looking forward to having one but it became a flop show idea.Looking forward to going to the beach to have a one on one time with the sun.It gets dark by 4pm and it seems like night fall by 6 and miss the sunsets.

It all started with a stomach ache and gas trouble.I tried every remedy known to me but then something else was wrong too.I had trouble collecting my breath and then one evening all hell went loose and I satrted having chest pains.We went for a routine check up at the hospital and after about 40 minutes,when my turn had finally come,my Blood pressure(BP) was a 200/130.They immediately took me to the emergency room ,had an ECG done,gave me meds to lower my blood pressure which refused to go down inspite of all meds and finally I was admitted in the hospital. The next 5 days were a nightmare for me coz the 2 times I went into severe chest pain,I thought that this was it and I was going to die.I recited my last prayers both these times and worried that I wouldnt be able to tell my husband the few words I wanted to.The meds I had taken,some family tensions and the sadness at times were overwhelming I guess and they all just came into action with this. But it was later on I realised a f...