Erratic Soul

Today I was told something very disturbing. I will not divulge into details as I'm not ready yet and I feel writing it here...would be posting in Anger. But I want to write down as to how it has made me feel.

The deepest hurt in life is given by those who you love and I have been playing ping pong with this shuttle for decades.I thought a few years ago, a heartfelt apology...an honest act of begging for forgiveness , might have put an end to it.And what I learn in the middle of a conversation. That it had never been truly accepted. Neither my apology nor me. And all was just a pretense. Now that its here...lets just get through it.

If there was no redemption in all this... if no forgiveness was too be given...Why.... Why even pretend to sort things out and show love. Fake love.

I have never admired opaque personalities.....I love being transparent. If I'm hurt..you can see it..If I'm sad you can see it. If I'm happy..you can feel and even rejoice in it. But this type of hurt is a totally different level of throwing a person under a truck.

I'm very angry....very very angry and upset.

I tried to make up and bring my share of happiness to the table. If someone threw it outside coz they mistook it for a rotten fruits...then there is nothing you can do to kill this toxicity.

Maybe it was fate to die this slowly in my heart. I must say its my fault....I was happy in my solitary castle , away from the enemies and their snares. Alas ! I got struck.

Thank you life....you never cease to amaze me. And Raise my blood pressure and break my grief sodden heart. Thanks a lot, damn you.