Once you have crossed 15,this is one of the major things that wander around both the girls and boys mind.Yaar! what is your dream guy or girl like?
Boys will begin with - She should have this sexy figure man,faithful and should be very hot.She should be cool.(within their head : a girl with big tits,gorgeous face and make every man pant and me feel Superior.)
Girls will say - He should tall,handsome,funny,faithful,have money,have car, and just supercool.( which actually means : A dog on a leash,loads of money to make my fantasy come true,take me clubbing and make every other girl on the block die with envy.)
This theory doesnt change for quite a while till you are serious about getting married.Im not talking about parents doing everything,Im talking about girls /boys who think it is time to settle down and then all those old theories go out the window.My hubby tells me,that when men are on the lookout for fun,they go for chick who are hip and out there,but when they want to settle down they wouldnt give a chick they loved dating even a second thought.Then they want a sati-savithri for a wife.
Men will want someone: who can cook,is independent mindwise(not clingy),clean,is good with people,is respectful of him,his life,his work,his folks,his family,someone who is understanding,forgiving,all in all,A woman that people will love and admire.
Women want someone : who earns well, who will be faithful,who will hover around her,who will listen to her,who loves her forever and who is supportive of her in every aspect.
In India ,eight noble virtues an ideal wife should have are summed up in the verse from Neethisaram.
"Karyeshu Dasi, Karaneshu Manthri; Bhojeshu Mata, Shayaneshu Rambha,
Roopeshu lakshmi, Kshamayeshu Dharitri, Satkarma Nari, Kuladharma Pathni".
We ,who have been married for a while,know that everything changes after marriage.Once that "romance phase " is over,looks will mean nothing,dressing up will mean nothing,all you have left is the core personality to begin living with.Tempers will fly around,compromises seem even more difficult to do,You begin to question your existing life and these are all precursors,showing you reality has kicked in.
Every woman has to give up on a lot of herself in keeping her family sane.One cannot say,"Im the first woman to go through this."It took me years to be that woman who my husband appreciates,admires,depends on and most of all is happy with.Some "so called friends" did say to keep a firm hold over your husband,take the reins in your hand before you become the doormat.Very soon,I understood,being the hrash rider in the relationship would become the cause of the demise of an eternal friendship.I couldnt lose respect in his eyes,I wouldnt be able to live with myself.
Letting go of my pride and respecting and giving value to all that he likes has made this bond stronger and worthwhile.Its not a competition,The sooner you learn that,the happier one will always be.If I did things for him whole heartedly,he too would do the same,maybe more,for me.
I see many so many couples who want to prove they are better than their partner,in terms of salaries and everything else.They want to make a place for themselves in their own homes.Make place in each other's heart and mind.No matter how modern a man is : he wants to have a family,wants you to raise it in the best way possible,make a warm home which he is happy to come to and be a part of 24/7.He may not change diapers or clean,he wont help you out in general,he wont be lovey dovey all the time,So its all upto you.A woman's patience and heart is beyond bounds.Thats why she will land up doing a little more than her husband for her family,for her home.
Boys will begin with - She should have this sexy figure man,faithful and should be very hot.She should be cool.(within their head : a girl with big tits,gorgeous face and make every man pant and me feel Superior.)
Girls will say - He should tall,handsome,funny,faithful,have money,have car, and just supercool.( which actually means : A dog on a leash,loads of money to make my fantasy come true,take me clubbing and make every other girl on the block die with envy.)
This theory doesnt change for quite a while till you are serious about getting married.Im not talking about parents doing everything,Im talking about girls /boys who think it is time to settle down and then all those old theories go out the window.My hubby tells me,that when men are on the lookout for fun,they go for chick who are hip and out there,but when they want to settle down they wouldnt give a chick they loved dating even a second thought.Then they want a sati-savithri for a wife.
Men will want someone: who can cook,is independent mindwise(not clingy),clean,is good with people,is respectful of him,his life,his work,his folks,his family,someone who is understanding,forgiving,all in all,A woman that people will love and admire.
Women want someone : who earns well, who will be faithful,who will hover around her,who will listen to her,who loves her forever and who is supportive of her in every aspect.
In India ,eight noble virtues an ideal wife should have are summed up in the verse from Neethisaram.
"Karyeshu Dasi, Karaneshu Manthri; Bhojeshu Mata, Shayaneshu Rambha,
Roopeshu lakshmi, Kshamayeshu Dharitri, Satkarma Nari, Kuladharma Pathni".
We ,who have been married for a while,know that everything changes after marriage.Once that "romance phase " is over,looks will mean nothing,dressing up will mean nothing,all you have left is the core personality to begin living with.Tempers will fly around,compromises seem even more difficult to do,You begin to question your existing life and these are all precursors,showing you reality has kicked in.
Every woman has to give up on a lot of herself in keeping her family sane.One cannot say,"Im the first woman to go through this."It took me years to be that woman who my husband appreciates,admires,depends on and most of all is happy with.Some "so called friends" did say to keep a firm hold over your husband,take the reins in your hand before you become the doormat.Very soon,I understood,being the hrash rider in the relationship would become the cause of the demise of an eternal friendship.I couldnt lose respect in his eyes,I wouldnt be able to live with myself.
Letting go of my pride and respecting and giving value to all that he likes has made this bond stronger and worthwhile.Its not a competition,The sooner you learn that,the happier one will always be.If I did things for him whole heartedly,he too would do the same,maybe more,for me.
I see many so many couples who want to prove they are better than their partner,in terms of salaries and everything else.They want to make a place for themselves in their own homes.Make place in each other's heart and mind.No matter how modern a man is : he wants to have a family,wants you to raise it in the best way possible,make a warm home which he is happy to come to and be a part of 24/7.He may not change diapers or clean,he wont help you out in general,he wont be lovey dovey all the time,So its all upto you.A woman's patience and heart is beyond bounds.Thats why she will land up doing a little more than her husband for her family,for her home.
shayaneshu rambha --- hahha isnt that so now!!
ReplyDeleteAre things really this complicated? I am yet to find out.
ReplyDeleteWell nice post and enjoyed reading.
A woman who has been way too independent might find this harsh and may even think this si a myth.But I think a person who approaches this marriage thing with humility and the will to make it a better place by sacrificing her pride as a compromise and the willingness to accept changes and make them at the right time,will find the marriage part of it easy initially.Once you get the hold of things and are used to the massive change one has made,it becomes much easier and you will notice,it isnt that bad.The guy doesnt sacrifice a lot but still unlike us,multitasking women,they feel even 10 minutes of change is a huge deal.Aa a new bride ,I was all about,I feel useless and have lost my identity...but with time I have realised...I may have lost complete independence but in return have created this new identity which is lot more stronger,something which makes me the envy of friends at times and pride of my husband.I love it all.Its all about striking a balance and not being about oneself.
ReplyDeletehow r u doing....its long to see ur update here...:)
ReplyDelete