May 29, 2018

Nostalgia

I'm tired of adulting. Do you feel the same way too?

Heard of stormy rains and floods happening in India and instead of feeling sad, I actually kind of miss the whole shebang, that my good old days as a student.

People often say, do not dwell on your past or look back. Work on your present and your future will come out just fine. But I say why not. If me remembering my past brings me peace and joy and a little sadness, why not dwell on it for a while there. having spent my entire life, minus 10 years, in the middle east, my love affair with the rains is something I reminisce always.

The prayer bells of my neighbours at 4am in the morning and listening to their puja...
The rain beating down on my window...
Listening to the sound of drizzle ...
The smell of fresh wet earth...
Standing on my balcony and looking at all the trees and plants...
MAking and drinking hot milk tea and feeling all fuzzy inside...
Aaah! What a life it was!

I have no complaints with my present life except that its missing something. Something vital I feel at times. I cant open my windows for the next few months as its going to get unbearably hot. There are very few trees. And whatever gardens are there, its filled with super noisy kids and crying children and frustrated parents and it's just boring.

Everyone seems tired and pissed. Being an adult sucks. You have to be intelligent, you have to be on your toes serving your boss at work or your family at home. As we get older, we mature and lose the silliness we had for life. People are lost in their mobile phones. That's their only escape I feel. Looking at pictures and videos or chatting.. trying to escape their demanding reality and seek solace in a digital world.

My escape is my memories, which I have stored away in some secure part of my conscious mind. Every time I feel the pressure is too much...I close my eyes and drift back to 1997. 20+ years ago.
I loved that year. Even though I had loads to study and loads to do the entire day, I dedicated an hour to watch the sunset. I dedicated a few minutes at night to watch the starry skies. I got up early to sip tea on the balcony. I even stood to listen to the neighbours' bhajans and puja paat. If it rained, I would stand by my window and dedicate time to listen to the showers. I went for walks when I could, just to see the trees dancing in the wind. I visited the market to watch smiling women selling vegetables and fish. People would smile and talk. It is not so here.

No one smiles at you. No one tries to strike up a conversation.  Middle eastern life can totally suck. With all the crimes happening, people just avoid contact. Sad really. This world is all about working, earning money, resting and getting stuck in traffic jams and losing half your body water content on a daily basis. People are so tied up with their busy lives, that they are literally angry all the time.

Sometimes when I'm at a beach, I want to just lie on the sands and roll around. I want to throw sand at my husband...I want to build sand castles, I want to scream and sing a hideous song. But I cant. I'm 40 years old and I cant act like a child anymore. The people around dictate how I should act. Its the same in most places. Not just here. 

4 years ago, I had been to this beautiful beach in Mangalore. If it wasn't for my dad who kept saying, we need to hurry back home, mothers waiting over and over again. It would have been perfect. They are not beach people. 

The wind was right, the tide was low, the beach was like a mirror...will insert a pic when I find it. Absolutely amazing ...which had to be cut short as my dad had to get back to my mom. Like I said,

Adulting sucks.








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