This blog post is going to be divided into many parts because I don't want it to seem very long and thus make it seem to boring to read.
Now most of my readers and friends are married,are 30+ and with children.I have known my husband for almost 11 years now and like everyone knows,marriage after a couple of years is something one has to work on to keep it cheerful,filled with bliss,spicy,so as to avoid the rut one falls into after monotonous way of living.
I found this very interesting article which I think is a good read both for learning and understanding ourselves and our partners and our marriages.
My husband and I come from totally different backgrounds and have lived contrast lives in our past.It has been difficult but we were happy to adjust,compromise.Our likes and dislikes may differ invariably but this is has strengthened our relationship over the years.(AlHamdullilah)We have learnt to accept our differences and yet be respectful of each others decisions.Learnt giving each other the space is the greatest gift we can give each other,so that we can maintain our identity but not appear that indifferent.
Please do pass on this article,Its helpful and has some good pointers .
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In our Age of Entitlement, one of the biggest strains on marriage is the presumptive right to have your partner make you happy. This unfortunate presumption persists even though evidence shows that happy people make happy marriages. In other words, if you were happy before you met your partner, you will likely be happy after marriage; but if you were an unhappy single, marriage alone won't make you happy.
Rather than using their negative emotions as motivations to heal, improve, and repair, unhappy people tend to blame them, first on themselves and later on their partners. Eventually this leads to blaming the spouse for moral/emotional failing and is incapable of love and sympathy.
Blaming gives unhappy spouses a sense of superiority and self-righteousness, which certainly feels more powerful than the self-doubt inherent in complex relationships. But this fleeting sense of power comes at a high price. In reducing self-doubt, it eliminates the motivation to heal, improve, and repair, leaving in its place a chronic and impotent resentment. It keeps their consciousness locked on how unhappy, even "damaged" they are at the hands of their partners.
Now most of my readers and friends are married,are 30+ and with children.I have known my husband for almost 11 years now and like everyone knows,marriage after a couple of years is something one has to work on to keep it cheerful,filled with bliss,spicy,so as to avoid the rut one falls into after monotonous way of living.
My husband and I come from totally different backgrounds and have lived contrast lives in our past.It has been difficult but we were happy to adjust,compromise.Our likes and dislikes may differ invariably but this is has strengthened our relationship over the years.(AlHamdullilah)We have learnt to accept our differences and yet be respectful of each others decisions.Learnt giving each other the space is the greatest gift we can give each other,so that we can maintain our identity but not appear that indifferent.
Please do pass on this article,Its helpful and has some good pointers .
....................................................................
In our Age of Entitlement, one of the biggest strains on marriage is the presumptive right to have your partner make you happy. This unfortunate presumption persists even though evidence shows that happy people make happy marriages. In other words, if you were happy before you met your partner, you will likely be happy after marriage; but if you were an unhappy single, marriage alone won't make you happy.
Rather than using their negative emotions as motivations to heal, improve, and repair, unhappy people tend to blame them, first on themselves and later on their partners. Eventually this leads to blaming the spouse for moral/emotional failing and is incapable of love and sympathy.
Blaming gives unhappy spouses a sense of superiority and self-righteousness, which certainly feels more powerful than the self-doubt inherent in complex relationships. But this fleeting sense of power comes at a high price. In reducing self-doubt, it eliminates the motivation to heal, improve, and repair, leaving in its place a chronic and impotent resentment. It keeps their consciousness locked on how unhappy, even "damaged" they are at the hands of their partners.
...presumption that it is ur partner-s duty to make u happy...is the biggest reason for marital problems.. i so agree with it..
ReplyDeleteliking this topic.. :)