Jul 5, 2010

My letter to God

[ This letter has been inspired from the trailors of the movie "Letters to God".]

Dear God,

First of all, Hi there! Its been a few hours since we had our chat but today this letter is to specially thank you for things past and present.One thing I have learnt from the past is to be thankful during every situation.Though I find it very hard and it hurts sometimes to do so,I try my best,so dont be upset with me.

Today started with a horrible dream but my active fantasies have never taken a back seat since I dreamt for the first time maybe 30 years ago.Other than that I had a fruitful day so far,I feel live,healthy,better and beautiful.Thank you for all the smiles.

Iam happy for the wonderful man in my life,though I do tend to hate him or cant stand his existence sometimes,I love him tons.He makes me complete and has helped me out through so many ups and downs ,that I have lost count of all his good deeds towards me.When I see myself with him ,so far,I feel I didnt make the wrong decision of choosing him as a life partner even though it cost me my own family.I had waited for signs to see if I was wrong in my choice but instead every step of the way I just fell more and more right.Though I discovered the painful truth that my family chose other people over me,I still love them blindly and for that I have you to thank coz you made me realise that their sacrifice means a lot more than my crazy temper and petty anger.you cannot change the basic nature of a person and sometimes accepting them the way they are is the wise thing to do.

I thank for my brother and sister.I have had the best memories of my life with them and what they have given me all my life is something to cherish and be thankful.They are the best in the world and their sheer but rare presence in my life makes me happy inside and out.I fed them as kids,I played with them,we grew up together and we had the bestest (yeah! the dictionary doesnt have the word to describe my happy feeling) times ever.They brought out the mother in me,the friend in me,the teacher in me and the goodness in me.I did want to cut them into half with a cleaver sometimes but nonetheless,they are like the oxygen I need when I have a panic attack.(cliche')I do regret not being allowed to attend my sister's wedding and many other personal family occasions but again God I know,there must be something good in the end to come out of all of it.Our relationship has strained and suffered and maybe thats what I deserve and hopefully they will improve in time.

I thank you for all the wonderful friends in the past and present because they have made and still continue to shape the person Im today.I have had the blessing of having good friend who stood by me through thick and thin and some not so deserving friends.I have had the pleasure to come across and know many people who have added fond memories and allowed me to experience things which I guess I normally wouldnt try out.Like going to a discotheque or movies or pubs or clubs or parties or events or train journeys or sight seeing.

I have had the pleasure to fall in love and know first hand what love could truly do to one's soul and existence.

I thank my parents most of all for bringing me into this world.they showered me with gifts,they pampered me and spoiled me,they took care of me and protected me from all harm as much as they could.They toiled hard all their life to provide us with the best of everything and for that attention and love they gave,Im thankful.I couldnt ask for better moments.I have had fun times with them and whether its really hard for anyone to believe (and that includes me),they do love me and I love them unconditionally.

To all those who hurt me at various stages of my life,I forgive them and hopefully God will forgive them too.

Im thankful to the fact that I dont have a child.Sounds ridiculous but for some reason I feel you have the best interest here as well.Maybe I was suppose to make peace with this fact and still be grateful to you coz you dont do anything without a purpose.It was very difficult and evil thoughts did take the better hold of me back then,but you pulled me out and gave me my peace of mind and heart.I still struggle with this feeling but Thank you God,my husband and your blessing helps me out of this sad spiral I tend to go into every month.

I thank you for the Asthma you gave me.I did spin a funny story out of it but then again,Im grateful for this too.This way,I never can cry for more than 3 minutes.I guess its human nature to avoid enduring pain,and so I just put a hold to it and stop crying.

I curse being a woman every month while Im pmsing but Im thankful for that too,coz I know without it I would be in much more pain than I could bear.

I thank you for the minor pains I get here and there at times,coz they tell me to slow and remind me Im not 18 years anymore.My illnesses remind me that I have to care for my body coz its very fragile and since its your gift to us,we should care for it even more and not put it to test as though we are invincible.

I thank you for my inlaws.Even though I have had very less interaction with them,Im sure they do love me for the fact that their son is happy.They love me and respect and I couldnt ask for more than that.I just pray to you that you guide me when its time to be by their side and help them out during their fading days.That I can mean more than their own daughters by being of true service to them.

Lastly,Im thankful for making me healthy,wealthy and wise.For giving me peace of mind.Dont let me stray with feelings of pride,envy and allow me to do my soul searching for as long as I live.I have always believed that I had an angel with me and you spoke to me through my heart,so I pray that you give me a clear conscience and mind,and that I continue to hear your voice and try my best to make the good choice of decisions.

In the end,I pray that I can be a better judge of character and be a good influence on people.I pray that I continue to strive to be a good person and not a fake one.

Thank you God for everything.I love you !

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